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CAN I RAMBLE FOR A SECOND..OR TWO?

OF COURSE I CAN..SO HERE I GO.

IF YOU COULD ONLY UNDERSTAND THE AWE & MARVEL I HAVE BEEN IN OF MY GOD THE PAST FEW DAYS.

HONESTLY, MORE THAN ever. EVER. REALLY. HE IS JUST REVEALING SO MUCH TO ME & TEACHING ME SO MUCH RIGHT NOW, IT’S LEAVING ME AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.

{it’s not like I didn’t recognize His greatness, wonder, & mystery before, but it’s slapping me in the face these past few days!}

THE MONTH OF OCTOBER HAS BEEN KIND OF A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS, TOO MANY BUILT UP EXPECTATIONS, GOOD, BAD, UGLY, UPS & DOWNS, BROKENNESS, HURT, HAPPINESS, JOY.. AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

AND WHEN USUALLY MY HEART JUST GOES THROUGH THE MOTIONS & IN A WAY “COPES” WITH {whatever IT is} IN A WAY, MY GOD IS SHOWING ME THAT THESE THINGS HAPPEN.

THINGS COME & GO, BROKENNESS IS REAL, HURT IS REAL, BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL. FAITHFUL. FAITHFUL.

SO HE IS FAITHFUL, I KNOW THIS, BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT I LIVE IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD. BROKENNESS, HURT, LET DOWNS, & EVERYTHING ELSE HAPPEN AS A RESULT. THIS WORLD WILL ALWAYS LET ME DOWN.

IT’S THROUGH & IN THESE SEASONS OR VALLEY’S THAT HE IS PULLING US {ME} CLOSER TO HIM. EVEN WHEN I FEEL HOPELESS, BROKEN, PAIN, OR DESPAIR, AND TRY TO COVER IT UP WITH FALSE HOPE, OR A FAKE SMILE, HE IS WORKING TO SHOW HIMSELF TO ME & SHOW ME HIS GLORY, HIS HOPE, & HOW MUCH I NEED HIM.

SHOWING ME HOW LITTLE I AM & HOW GREAT HE IS.

SHOWING ME HOW I CAN PLAN ALL I WANT BUT HE ALREADY HAS MY LIFE MAPPED OUT. RIGHT WHEN I HAVE “ALL MY DUCKS IN A ROW” HE COMES & REARRANGES THINGS.

I CAN HOPE IN THIS OR THAT, BUT ONLY HE REMAINS.

HE’S THE PROVIDER.

HE'S THE HEALER.

HE’S THE ONLY ONE/THING THAT CAN FILL MY EMPTINESS.

HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN RESTORE.

HE’S THE ONE I’M IN SERIOUS AWE OF.

FROM HIM & THROUGH HIM & TO HIM ARE ALL THINGS. TO HIM BE THE GLROY. FOREVER.

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, CREATIVE, GRACIOUS, LOVING, MYSTERIOUS GOD HE IS.

LEAVES ME SPEECHLESS & IN WONDER & AMAZEMENT THAT I CAN’T WRAP MY MIND AROUND…

{who knows if any of this makes sense or if it’s just a bunch of words thrown together, but i don’t care, all I know is my God is moving & leaving me excited & wondering at His mystery.}

What is on my mind at 12:09am...

1. I just went to see Where the Wild Things Are. I was pretty excited when I heard in the spring about it becoming a movie and was even more excited when it finally came out in October, but I was just now getting around to seeing it...

• its NOT a kids movie
• its sad
• its scary at some points
• it has good music in it

2. The other day I drove past the house I grew up in & lived in for 18 years of my life. Its weird to see someone else living in "my" house. The four bedroom, ranch style, house with large windows in the front, brick front walk, huge backyard, covered with four-five story high trees that shade the sun during the day...

• its weird seeing someone else's cars in the driveway
• the yard doesn't look as well kept as my dad used to keep it
• there's 20+ years of Fillmore memories in that house
• even though its on a main street, it still felt cozy & homey

3. I saw The i-Heart-Revolution film/documentary.

• it needs to be viewed again, to take down notes
  
• its definitely mind blowing all the good + bad things that go & do go on in the world around us
• its comforting to know that there's only ONE love & hope for all man kind
• it makes me sad to hear people talk poorly about the whole idea/concept, their blindness, & being OK with the comfortable lives they lead..

4. Over the weekend roughly 190+ leaders, students, & myself encountered God at the Thirsty retreat. At least two students that I've heard of accepted Christ as their Savior! (So exciting!) We learned what it meant to be thirsty for freedom, authenticity, purpose, & identity.

• its ok to be open with people, not hide behind all of your accomplishments or good things in your life, but let people see & know your hurts & struggles
• we don't have it all together, so let's not pretend to.
• when we are stripped down & raw & exposed, then we realize that only His grace is sufficient for us.
• He is right in the middle of every single aspect of my life with me.
• He "likes" us, He wants to spend time with us.
• He desires us.
• He quiets us with his love. The "leaves me speechless" kind of love.
• He (Yahweh), rejoices over ME with singing.

i love the King & the King loves me...

Child, I know full well each & every detail of the plans I have just for you. I have amazing plans to prosper you & not to harm you or lead you anywhere else besides what is best for you. I have plans to give you hope & a future. Taste & see that I am all that you need in this life. Along the way you will come across difficult times or situations, but don't let that bring you down, I overcame the world so you could keep going, keep reaching for your prize, just keep your eyes on Me. Be still & know that I am Your Father & want you, my child, to follow the path, I have marked out just for you. Child, I am Your King & I am coming back for you. I can't wait until I can share my Kingdom with you, until then, keep trusting, believing, & following Me.
Love forever & always, the King of Kings, Father, Creator, Yahweh.

[Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 34:8, John 16:33, Psalm 46:10, 1 John 3:1, Hebrews 12:1, John 14:1-3. the collection of passages that have been on my mind this past weekend, that helped me write this little reminder to myself...]