alskdfj...

CAN I RAMBLE FOR A SECOND..OR TWO?

OF COURSE I CAN..SO HERE I GO.

IF YOU COULD ONLY UNDERSTAND THE AWE & MARVEL I HAVE BEEN IN OF MY GOD THE PAST FEW DAYS.

HONESTLY, MORE THAN ever. EVER. REALLY. HE IS JUST REVEALING SO MUCH TO ME & TEACHING ME SO MUCH RIGHT NOW, IT’S LEAVING ME AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.

{it’s not like I didn’t recognize His greatness, wonder, & mystery before, but it’s slapping me in the face these past few days!}

THE MONTH OF OCTOBER HAS BEEN KIND OF A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS, TOO MANY BUILT UP EXPECTATIONS, GOOD, BAD, UGLY, UPS & DOWNS, BROKENNESS, HURT, HAPPINESS, JOY.. AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

AND WHEN USUALLY MY HEART JUST GOES THROUGH THE MOTIONS & IN A WAY “COPES” WITH {whatever IT is} IN A WAY, MY GOD IS SHOWING ME THAT THESE THINGS HAPPEN.

THINGS COME & GO, BROKENNESS IS REAL, HURT IS REAL, BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL. FAITHFUL. FAITHFUL.

SO HE IS FAITHFUL, I KNOW THIS, BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT I LIVE IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD. BROKENNESS, HURT, LET DOWNS, & EVERYTHING ELSE HAPPEN AS A RESULT. THIS WORLD WILL ALWAYS LET ME DOWN.

IT’S THROUGH & IN THESE SEASONS OR VALLEY’S THAT HE IS PULLING US {ME} CLOSER TO HIM. EVEN WHEN I FEEL HOPELESS, BROKEN, PAIN, OR DESPAIR, AND TRY TO COVER IT UP WITH FALSE HOPE, OR A FAKE SMILE, HE IS WORKING TO SHOW HIMSELF TO ME & SHOW ME HIS GLORY, HIS HOPE, & HOW MUCH I NEED HIM.

SHOWING ME HOW LITTLE I AM & HOW GREAT HE IS.

SHOWING ME HOW I CAN PLAN ALL I WANT BUT HE ALREADY HAS MY LIFE MAPPED OUT. RIGHT WHEN I HAVE “ALL MY DUCKS IN A ROW” HE COMES & REARRANGES THINGS.

I CAN HOPE IN THIS OR THAT, BUT ONLY HE REMAINS.

HE’S THE PROVIDER.

HE'S THE HEALER.

HE’S THE ONLY ONE/THING THAT CAN FILL MY EMPTINESS.

HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN RESTORE.

HE’S THE ONE I’M IN SERIOUS AWE OF.

FROM HIM & THROUGH HIM & TO HIM ARE ALL THINGS. TO HIM BE THE GLROY. FOREVER.

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, CREATIVE, GRACIOUS, LOVING, MYSTERIOUS GOD HE IS.

LEAVES ME SPEECHLESS & IN WONDER & AMAZEMENT THAT I CAN’T WRAP MY MIND AROUND…

{who knows if any of this makes sense or if it’s just a bunch of words thrown together, but i don’t care, all I know is my God is moving & leaving me excited & wondering at His mystery.}

*its over my head...

"Lost for the words to say

I'm left here in disarray

Waiting for You, waiting on truth

I've thrown reason overboard

Knowing that there's still more

I don't yet believe, I can't even perceive

I can't seem to understand

Can't seem to find my way

It's over my head, it's over my head

Learning this mystery

Trust what I cannot see

It's over my head, it's over my head

The wonder of all You've made

Foundations Your hands have laid

Bringing me back to my knees, to my knees

I'm lost for the words to say

Lost for another way

Bringing me back to my knees, to my knees

I'm lost for the words to say

Lost for another way

Ruined for anything other than Your love

I'm desperate to know You, Lord

Desperate for what's in store

Finding my hope in only You, in only You

Take me beyond this door

Lead me to something more

Open my heart up for more of You, more of You---"

(starfield, 'over my head')

*i love every word in this portion of this song, but some of the lines just ring true in so many situations. lately i have been relating to these lines in particular...

[Learning this mystery / Trust what I cannot see / It's over my head]

*i feel like everyday that i grow in my relationship with Christ, i find more that boggles my mind, or is hard to understand, "this mystery". but then i have to "trust when i cannot see". with all the mysteries of our Creator we have to be able to trust in Him, in things seen and unseen....