I had felt an excitement & giddy-ness about "it", which is weird for me, because I tend to hate surprises & always like to know details of what is going on, & it is (and probably always will be) hard for me to surrender all the details of my life to God, and give up control & any idea in my mind that I have, that I am entitled to knowing what the God of the universe wants for me & has in store for me. (Lindsay, why don't you just trust in Me 100% and know, full well that I have planned what is best for you? --God).
So recently that "it" has been hitting me like a train. Totally unexpectedly and not about me at all, but about God using me (for reasons I can't understand! in someone else life. And looking back over the last three months or so, seeing EVERY detail (big and small) that God has been working out is crazy! From people coming or going in my life, certain connections, different verses I've come across, and even some song lyrics.. its crazy.
Emotionally, I really don't think I was ready for "it", but spiritually, I had never been so sure of anything in my life, and knew full well, that these events were the "it" that God had laid on my heart at the beginning of this season of my life. And I know I sound like a crazy person right now, but I'm just trying to convey how God really does move in a mysterious way & even when we don't think we know what we are doing, or why He is using us for something, He is faithful & pulls us through.
I've kept a pretty faithful journal since middle school, and I don't think in all of those years I've ever written so many prayers to God and pleas for help & guidence as I have in the last few weeks. I feel like thats my way of talking to God, writing out prayers to Him, and now I just pretty much summed it all up into a [short] blog entry... whew.
P.S. I really don't know if any of this makes sense? But I keep a blog, for myself, although I keep a hand written journal, sometimes typing things out, helps me more. I really don't know if anyone reads this, but I don't really mind, like I said, I do it for my own therapy sometimes (talking to myself...) Well I hope & pray, somehow, someway, anyone who comes across this, can relate any of these words to something in their own life & be encouraged by it.
2 O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.
3 If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.
5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.