my dad is cute.

who YOU are..

i like regular routines.
i like organized schedules.
i like to know what's going on!

BUT

i also like spontaneity.
i like organized clutter.
i like lazy-do-nothing-days.

BUT too much of that, is too much!!
i was a very happy girl walking out of my last final exam for school this past semester, planning all my days of sleeping in, doing some yoga when i wanted to, running outside anytime during the day, meeting my boyfriend for lunch, staying up late for no reason, being l-a-z-y because school was done!
{all in this weird stage between me getting out school, not being in any summer classes, & the calm before the storm of watching THREE kids four days a week for the rest of the summer...}

but i've found that too much of this... is NOT good for me. i miss having a regular routine, knowing what my schedule would potentially look like at the beginning of each week! i feel like my whole life is just really REALLY unorganized right now. {in every aspect of the word} i was almost on the verge of a nervous break down this week because i feel like all the disorganization in my life right now, not just my schedule, but my room, my car, my work schedule, the way i'm eating/taking care of myself, all the free time................is all draining me & my relationship with God.

obviously i can't blame all the scatteredness that on my lack of spending time with God, laying down everything in my life for Him, soaking up His words, talking to Him, listening for Him, seeing Him, but the laziness is definitely seeping into my relationship with God & its really frustrating & annoying.

its of course in all these times that God's like: "OK Lindsay, i've been waiting for you to just come spend time with me! you know you can't do anything without Me, I want to give you peace, rest, and make you not feel anxious or frustrated!"

so it made me stop & think & finally get this desire, want back to fight for my relationship with God, that i can't just sit back & let it unfold in front of me & expect it to be useful/beneficial/thriving (there's a word I'm looking for, but I can't put my finger on it!?) like a text from a sweet friend about Galatians 5 & just all around being reminded of who HE is from a desperation band song called who You are..

so now i'm feeling motivated, refreshed, & renewed.. ready to beat this laziness spell with productivity & spending more time with my Maker..

so much goodness & blessing in my life to not spend time giving it all back to Him..


{i feel like i write things like this & they don't make sense, but that's ok, writing is like therapy for me, whether it makes sense or not!} xox

*ps my twin comes home in: 23ish days.

overcome...

I just stumbled upon this in my journal from a few weeks ago, I had been soaking on the word(s) overwhelm & overcome around Easter time.. thus left me listening to several songs with the two words in them & then writing about what they really mean...

{I just posted the song Take Heart by Hillsong, but I stole the order of these words from that song}
...troubles, tears, HOPE, failure, fear, LOVE, heartache, pain, HEALER, burdens, shame, FREEDOM, JUSTICE, GRACE, REFUGE, STRENGTH:: HE has o v e r c o m e.

courtney..

IT WAS ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS LAST NIGHT WHERE I WAS REALLY HAPPY, BUT SAD AT THE SAME TIME.. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT MAKES SENSE, BUT I WAS JUST LAYING IN MY BED LAST NIGHT TALKING TO GOD NOT BEING ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP (OF COURSE...) AND I JUST FINALLY EXPLODED. I FEEL LIKE I'VE BOTTLED EVERYTHING UP CONCERNING COURTNEY UNTIL NOW. AND SHE IS COMING HOME SOON!?

I BURST INTO TEARS LITERALLY CRYING OUT TO GOD TO HAVE HIS HAND OVER HER MORE THAN EVER RIGHT NOW, AS SHE GOES INTO A PART OF THAILAND IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS TO SPEND A MAJORITY OF THE REMAINDER OF HER TRIP WHERE SEX TRAFFICKING IS AT A HIGH & WHERE THE PEOPLE OF THAILAND DO NOT LIKE OR TRUST ANY AMERICANS DUE TO THE FACT THAT THEIR ONLY EXPERIENCE WITH "AMERICANS" ARE A SELECT FEW DISGUSTING HUMAN BEINGS WHO CALL THEMSELVES MEN WHO COME TO STEAL INNOCENCE & TREAT OTHER HUMAN BEINGS LIKE OBJECTS FOR THEIR OWN PLEASURE.

SO I HAVE A PLEA FOR PRAYER.
I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYER.
I BELIEVE IN A GOD WHO HEARS HIS CHILDREN WHEN THEY CALL.
I NEED HIS CHILDREN TO PRAY WITH ME.
FOR MY SISTER.
FOR MY TWIN.
MY OTHER HALF.
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD.
GOING INTO UTTER DARKNESS TO SPREAD THE HOPE & REAL, GENUINE LOVE OF JESUS CHRIST.


GOD HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO HER IN THE ALMOST WHOLE YEAR SINCE THE BEGINNING OF HER ADVENTURE:: HER FIRST APPLYING FOR YWAM, GETTING ACCEPTED, RAISING MONEY, AND MORE MONEY, AND THEN SOME MORE MONEY, KEEPING HER SAFE, HEALTHY, ALL AROUND GREAT. TEACHING HER NEW THINGS. SHAPING HER HEART.

SO I WOULD BE LYING IF I SAID I WASN'T SCARED FOR HER. WORRIED FOR HER. ANXIOUS FOR HER. WISHING I COULD PROTECT HER.

SHE & THE REST OF HER TEAM NEED PRAYER, I NEED PRAYER, THE PEOPLE THEY'LL BE MEETING/FORMING RELATIONSHIPS WITH NEED PRAYER.

{all our fear, God our love, He has overcome}