Wednesday, December 31, 2008

*this is our G o d.











*this is our God, hillsong.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

*its t h r e e .... i should be sleeping

*honestly, i neeeed to curve this habit of mine. i stay up much to late. late enough that commercials for excersie equipment, acne cleanser, & natural make up comes on. i am currently sitting in my bed,wide-eyed, i dont even know why? i cant recall the last time i went to bed before 1 to 2 am.... its not very healthy. anyway, while i am are some random thoughts of mine about life, love, & other mysteries...

L I F E .

christmas has come & gone.
[much to quickly]

christmas consisted of:
-[extended] family
-all seven fillmores under one roof for a few days

there is a lot of snow this year
but its going to be almost fifty tomorrow [today]...!?

walking up to the corner for coffee & lunch...has become one of my new favorite activities

i am d e t e r m i n e d to get healthy [for real] in oh-nine.
*not just physically, but also spiritually...
-having diabetes i should automatically want to be and force myself to be healthy, but i have a case of procrastination and laziness more often times than not.
-i need to [get more sleep]
-run more often
-eat healthier
-i need to have more dates with my Jesus
-get to know Him more.
*i can do ALL things thru Christ who strengthens me.

sisterly L O V E .

i am very thankful for t w o sisters.
-although we are not exactly "best friends" [all three of us], i do enjoy the time i spend with both of them at the same time. especially when we attempt to ditch extended-family gatherings, and brittany tries to teach c & i how to knit...
- i admire how bold and brave my older sister is. she seems to not be afraid of anything & is always looking for something new and exciting to take on. she is so creative and loves to help people.
-and then theres courtney. we might have pretty similar dna, but we are pretty different. i wish i was as artistic as courtney. although i try to play piano or guitar, draw or write, courtney seems to have this eye for artistic things. i love that. her & i also just really have this bond, that i really dont think i could ever share with anyone else...perhaps a future husband, but we'll have to wait & see..
-i do take both of them for granted a lot... and treat them poorly a lot, but i have been working on showing them more genuine love lately....

*the following could & should be its own topic, but its on my mind [at three-ish a.m.]....!?

O T H E R M Y S T E R I E S .

to be completely honest...
-i am that girl, who has dreamed of getting married and having a wedding, since--well since i can remember. i dont typically talk about this dream of mine unless im with brittany joy or courtney, but i really cannot wait.

-but wedding plans aside, since seventh grade when my english teacher [at a christian school of course] talked to us about praying for our future spouses, i pretty much have done since then.
-typically when i am talking to God i pray something like this: "dear God, i dont know who he is, where he is, or what he is doing right now...." and then go on, but then i bite my tongue and pray about my future with or without a husband. and ask God to help me to be content with His plans for me--married or not.

-saying that God does bless me with a man that loves God more than he love me, that i'd call my husband...then i can't wait to plan a wedding, wear a fancy dress, & be a princess for a day, and then actually be married to my best friend & spend the rest of our lives together for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from that day forward until death do us part.

-i talk to my mom a lot about this subject. [joking-ly] courtney & i ask my mom if she is concerned that none of her twenty-one & nineteen year old daughters have ever had a boyfriend or even been asked out on a date before. then my lisa [i call my mom by her first name. i have for a while now, i dont really now since when. but she knows i respect her & its kind of a running joke between her & i...'lisa' says it's a "term of endearment":)] replys: "no, i am not concerned, i think that i am blessed..." not her words exactly but, she so often reminds the three daughters that "he" is out there somewhere & God will bring "him" into our lives in His own timing. mmm. *truth.

-so often after conversations like these occur, i think about these things & realize how i am blessed that somehow [by the grace of God no doubt] that i have been raised to not long or desire to have to always have a boyfriend, or be aggressive & seek such attention from guys. i think that i am blessed because i haven't had to face heartbreak, disappointment, or temptation throughout my teen years thus far. i do wish, hope, & pray that if God brings that guy into my life, that he's the one, and that he's the only one.

-in a nutshell, i admire those who don't have to date +1 gentlemen, but "date" & marry one.
-i really do feel blessed that i have never dated or been in a "serious" relationship. being friends with guys is good for me.
-i really do enjoy praying & wondering about a future husband that really does love his Jesus more than me.
-also, i do love wisdom from my lisa.

*i hope everyone had a delightful christmas & didn't just think about opening gifts or eating cookies, but remembered that the only reason we even have christmas is because a Savior was born to die for us & save us from a life of sin & apart from Him.

thank You for sending Your Son to this earth
to be born, life, & die as a man for me.
thank You for family.
thank You for siblings.
help me to show them real love more often.
thank You for a mom who loves You
& relays wisdom about You & Your plan for me, to me.
thank You for taking me back always.
even when so often times i get away from You.
thank You for random things on my mind, at four in the morning....

deep breath.
now i am ready to close my eyes.

i suggest you get your hands on a copy of "Advent Songs" by Soujourn. it is a beautiful set of christmas songs. i will definitely find myself listening to it, long after christmas time....

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

*read, & soak it up....

"God moves in a MYSTERIOUS way,

His wonders to perform;
He plants his FOOTSTEPS in the sea,
And RIDES upon the STORM.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill,
And WORKS his sovereign WILL.

Ye fearful saints, fresh COURAGE take,
The clouds
ye so much dread
are big with MERCY, and
shall break
In BLESSINGS on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But TRUST him for his GRACE;
Behind a frowning providence,
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The BUD may have a BITTER taste,
SWEET will be the FLOWER.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan his work in vain;
God is his own interpreter,
he will make it plain.

(In his own time, in his own way)"

--William Cowper

*we sang this song a while back at lighthouse & the words amaze me, it is a poem that was written by William Cowper, and Jeremy Riddle put it to music...

Sunday, December 14, 2008

*God to the Christian says...

"Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to the Christian says:

'No, not until you're satisfied and fulfilled and content with living, loved by Me alone and giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone. I love you, My child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me -- exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or belongings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait.

Don't be anxious and don't worry. Don't look around at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I have to show you. And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream.

You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working this minute to have both of you ready at the same time, and until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I've prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know I love you. I am God Almighty, believe and be satisfied.'"


Friday, December 12, 2008

*its over my head...

"Lost for the words to say

I'm left here in disarray

Waiting for You, waiting on truth

I've thrown reason overboard

Knowing that there's still more

I don't yet believe, I can't even perceive

I can't seem to understand

Can't seem to find my way

It's over my head, it's over my head

Learning this mystery

Trust what I cannot see

It's over my head, it's over my head

The wonder of all You've made

Foundations Your hands have laid

Bringing me back to my knees, to my knees

I'm lost for the words to say

Lost for another way

Bringing me back to my knees, to my knees

I'm lost for the words to say

Lost for another way

Ruined for anything other than Your love

I'm desperate to know You, Lord

Desperate for what's in store

Finding my hope in only You, in only You

Take me beyond this door

Lead me to something more

Open my heart up for more of You, more of You---"

(starfield, 'over my head')

*i love every word in this portion of this song, but some of the lines just ring true in so many situations. lately i have been relating to these lines in particular...
[Learning this mystery / Trust what I cannot see / It's over my head]

*i feel like everyday that i grow in my relationship with Christ, i find more that boggles my mind, or is hard to understand, "this mystery". but then i have to "trust when i cannot see". with all the mysteries of our Creator we have to be able to trust in Him, in things seen and unseen....

Thursday, December 11, 2008

*christmas goodies...

i do l o v e Christmas. this week i have/had three Christmas parties to attend...the one i am going to tomorrow (my junior girls small group for wsm is having a small get-together tomorrow!) we are having a cookie exchange.

i am not much of a cook or baker, but when i have the time, i do enjoy cooking or baking! so i was going to make some cookies or something, but my mom had bought the material to make chocolate covered pretzels so thats what i made!

*oh just an idea for you, add some "Silk" Vanilla soy milk to your hot chocolate & add some whipped cream, and you are in business...

Thursday, December 4, 2008

*i am not, but i know I AM....

*this is exactly what i needed this week, our kairos group just met for the last time for the semester & we finished the book "i am not, but i know I AM" by Louie Giglio. you should grab a copy, its loaded with some really great things! (so the following is from the book, i hope you enjoy it & get as much out of it as i did!)....

i need hope.

who could possibly be smart enough to figure this out?

what works?

what's the latest thing?

what's the hippest thing?

i need a fresh start.

i need a bigger story.

my vision is bigger than my resources.

nothing is real anymore.

who can i trust?

i'm not sure who's on my team.

nobody's listening to me.

i don't have a prayer.

my marriage is sinking.

my kids deserve more.

i'm pouring into others, who's pouring into me?

if we fail, who will get the job done?

i'm not sure why i'm here

i'm tired.

i quit!

i can't!

i need a drink.

i need a fix.

i need a lover.

somebody just hold me.

"And what does this great I AM say of Himself? He says to you and to me: 'I am the resurrection and the life. I am Savior. I am Jesus--the solution, the restorer, the builder, the answer, the Wise One, the Coming One, the Mighty One. I am the Lord and there is no other. I am God and there is none besides Me. I am the FIrst and the Last. I am Alpha and Omega. I am the Beginning and the End. I am the Lord, that is My name, and I will not give My glory to another, or any of My praise to idols. I AM THAT I AM, and that is My name--My memorial name to every single generation.'"

--Louie Giglio

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

*so long n o v e m b e r...

i simply love this time of the year.

i don't want to sound cliche, but i do have a lot to be thankful for.

in michigan fall doesn't last long enough.

"autumn fallin' from trees, the snow is up to our knees..."

(random snow-fall, while there are still leaves on the ground waiting to be raked!?)

thanksgiving came & went.

christmas music should NOT start on november first.

it makes me smile when all seven fillmore's are in the same house.

my sister had a birthday.

i do love downtown detroit.

detroit urban art makes me smile.

the weather isn't too cold, yet.

christmas lights, trees, & decorations are up.

music is still one of my favorite things.

iTunes 'genius bar' playlists are/is(?) the best invention.

apple is amazing because they replace broken iPods.

hearing my sister describe 'hippsters' makes me laugh.

i adore boots & fun-cute coats.

aaron's toe is semi-healed completely.

"HE MUST BECOME GREATER; i must become less" john three:thirty.

i am blessed with an amazing church/community that i love.

being a co-small-group leader for an amazing group of junior girls at wsm makes my heart happy.

hillsong's 'i heart the revolution: hearts as one' dvd makes me dream of doing what they do/are doing.

i wish i took pictures/edited them more often.

i still love the city of nashville. (and really would move there any day!)

i think that black friday shopping is ridiculous.

this time next year i want to be getting ready to go to south africa.

the push for 'woodside world-wide' makes me want to go to a million different places!

november flew by terribly fast...

so long n o v e m b e r.

hello d e c e m b e r.

twenty-five days until christmas :)