move, worship, psalm..

This past weekend myself along with close to 450 other students & leaders went to WSM's fourth "Winter Experience". God definitely MOVE(d) in mysterious ways the whole weekend. [through our speaker, through the worship, through brothers & sisters in Christ coming together to pray... etc.] It was evident from the first night of being there that God was there & that He was ready to do great things throughout the collective of students & leaders from all the Woodside campuses and both high school & middle school.

On Saturday night we had an extended worship time that I stayed at with some of my girls & I can honestly say that I have never experienced God in such a way. I wasn't really standing around that many people, and really just kept my eyes closed for a good majority of time just to keep focused on worshiping my Creator through music, and I could just feel His presence all around me & knew that He was there with me.

(photo credit:: courtney fillmore)

. . .

I feel like the Lord has been trying to show me patience lately. For him to show me what it looks like to wait for him. For him to reveal his plan for me day by day. For me to stop planning, what I think is best for me and just let him take over.

I know he already has every chapter in the "Book of Lindsay" already written, so why can't I just sit back & enjoy being a character in His story..? Lack of patience & wanting to be the one in control? Yes.

...be still before the LORD & wait patiently for Him. {pslam thirty-seve : three through seven}

[there is no one higher
no one greater
no one like our God.

there is none more able
Christ our Savior
great and glorious.]

...I first heard these words over the summer at a youth conference & was very disapointed when I got home that I couldn't get my hands on it for my iTunes. I still haven't gotten my hands on it, but we sang it tonight at Lighthouse.. it was definitely one of the highlights of my night.

*here i stand r e s o l v e d.

i so badly want to sit down & write about this past weekend at the WSM retreat. (Resolved). but i only have time to give a quick version of all that went down. God is so good & moved in so many hearts from the youngest sixth grader to the oldest volunteer that came to help out!! in the past week or so God has even done so much in me, just taking my burnt out, stressed out heart, and then putting me on that retreat, and taking my bad attitude & changing it to a heart ready to serve & a heart softened to the word of God. it was so just so refreshing & just let me throw all these things that don't even matter aside & see how amazing my God is & how much He can move in the lives of almost 400 people in just the matter of a few days. :)

*My God, My God, thank YOU for such a wonderful weekend. Not that it was about us, but that it was about YOU. Thank YOU for stirring in the hearts of everyone who heard Jason speak or heard Eric & company lead worship, thank YOU for those times. Just be with everyone who was on that retreat that what they took away from camp, they will always remember & hold YOU close to them when they need courage to do something huge for YOU. Give them courage & a willingness to do what YOU are calling them to resolve in their lives. YOU are so good to us, YOU love us so much, YOU deserve everything & more.

-amen

*here is my heart, You can have it all...

I JUST WANT TO FALL MORE & MORE & MORE & MORE IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN, THAT IS PURSUING ME, WAITING FOR ME, AND LONGING FOR ME TO RUN INTO HIS ARMS.

I WANT TO SEE HIM IN EVERYTHING I DO, SEE HIM EVERYWHERE I GO.

I WANT TO HAVE DATES WITH HIM, SPEND MORE QUALITY TIME WITH HIM.

I WANT TO RELY ON HIM FOR ANYTHING & EVERYTHING.

I WANT TO PLACE ALL OF MY TRUST, HOPE, & FAITH IN HIM ONLY.

I WANT TO WORSHIP HIM, EVERYDAY.

I WANT TO GET TO REALLY KNOW HIM.

I WANT TO BE MORE LIKE HIM.

I WANT TO JUST GET EXCITED WHEN I HEAR HIS NAME OR I HEAR SOMEONE TALK ABOUT HIM.

I WANT TO FALL ON MY FACE IN FRONT OF HIM IN PRAISE FOR ALL THAT HE HAS DONE & IS GOING TO DO IN MY LIFE.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

it is so strange to me that i have grown up in the church, sunday morning, sunday night, wednesday night, vbs, camp, retreats, missions trips...

and i am just coming to that realization that HE really is all i need. HE really is madly in love with me. HE really does want me to hang out with him. HE really does want me to talk to him the moment i wake up in the morning. HE does want me to run to him. HE does want me to love him with all that is inside of me.

it just kills me that all along i have know these truths, i just have not acted upon them.

i want my relationship with HIM to be real, genuine, & authentic. i don't want it to be a sunday thing or a wednesday night thing. i want it to be an everyday thing.

i am so thankful for HIS mercy, HIS grace, HIS patience with me.

i feel like since about june (july maybe) i have been doing all that i can to try to keep up with my devos, talk to HIM more, grow closer to HIM, and get to realllly know HIM. then once school started in the fall i just got frustrated and gave up much to easily, and inside knew that i was not where i wanted to be in my relationship with HIM, but would still wear this mask that i had everything together, and that i was head over heals for HIM. but really deep down inside i was waiting for this. tonight was the night. it finally clicking, that i do desire to run to HIM & desire to really fall in love with HIM.

although i have known about HIM since i can remember, i just never grasped the desire to cling to HIM in every area of my life. i feel like it has taken me the last nineteen years of growing up in a christian home to fully understand and grasp the concept that HE is who HE is. HE is really sitting here with me.

i guess it has just taken this long, because my eyes have been not as open as they could have been. and that is why i am so thankful for HIS grace & HIS mercy, because HE has been waiting for me. patiently. even though i have spent so many years hearing HIM call my name, and not responding. well i'm done with that. i'm done with ignoring HIM.

i know its not going to be, and no one ever said it would be easy, but i don't want to go another day without talking to HIM, spending time with HIM. but i dont want to give up like i have in the past, give up spending time with HIM, or talking to HIM, i just want to do it.

it makes my heart sad that it has taken me so long to realize how real this true love really is. but it makes me smile that i am starting to grasp and fully understand how much HE really has done for me and how much i have neglected and not attended to my relationship with HIM.

but with HIM there are second, third, fourth, one-hundredth, chances that each time i get away from HIM, HE just whispers in my ear, for me to come back to HIM, because i am nothing without HIM, and i deserve to do nothing other than praise & worship HIM for all that HE has done for me, to live freely.

just from writing this, makes me feel so free. makes me feel like i want to just talk to HIM for the rest of the night & thank HIM for everything that HE is doing in me right now.

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOU

LIKE YOU'RE NOT IN THE ROOM

I WANT TO LOOK RIGHT AT YOU

I WANT TO SING RIGHT TO YOU"

-you won't relent, chris quilala & kim walker.

"YOU", "HE", "HIM", "TRUE LOVE".

my GOD. my JESUS. my FATHER. my LOVER.

all i need.

*read, & soak it up....

"God moves in a MYSTERIOUS way,

His wonders to perform;
He plants his FOOTSTEPS in the sea,
And RIDES upon the STORM.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill,
He TREASURES up his BRIGHT DESIGNS,
And WORKS his sovereign WILL.

Ye fearful saints, fresh COURAGE take,
The clouds ye so much dread
are big with MERCY, and shall break
In BLESSINGS on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But TRUST him for his GRACE;
Behind a frowning providence,
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The BUD may have a BITTER taste,
But SWEET will be the FLOWER.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan his work in vain;
God is his own interpreter,
And he will make it plain.

(In his own time, in his own way)"

--William Cowper

*we sang this song a while back at lighthouse & the words amaze me, it is a poem that was written by William Cowper, and Jeremy Riddle put it to music...

*the c r o s s...

the cross.

an awful form of death for a king.

but a beautiful symbol of the king's death 

and him rising again

bringing us salvation and eternal life.

"this is how we know what love is: 

Jesus Christ laid down 

his life for us."

-first john three sixteen

*new york, new york...

Midtown Manhattan, New York was home for me and 23 other kids & leaders from my church last week. We had sessions in the mornings from speakers New York Gospel Outreach. They were ok, but I think I personally got more out of going to the different ministry sites & hearing stories from other kids about their experiences around New York City.

So here is how the week went down...

Saturday: We left Woodside at 5:15ish AM, stopped a few times, and arrived in the Big Apple around 7PM. We had a session right when we got to the hotel, afterward we (as a task force a.k.a. Woodside) went and walked around New Yorks Times Square. All we could say (those of us who had never been to NYC before) was that is was surreal, why? Because it was exactly like it was on TV and in movies, a lot of people, loud, bad driving & traffic. But it was still exciting to be in a new place and to know what the following days would hold. So after lingering around Times Square & standing outside of Sports New York and attempting to be on TV we stopped by World of Nuts for ice cream. Then we headed back to the hotel for some much needed sleep.

Sunday: Morning Session with music & speaker. Lunch on the way (street vendor gyroscan be delicious yet very messy & hard to eat while walking) we met up with all of our Woodsiders and headed to our first trip on the New York Subway system. I had never ridden on one before, so it was nerve racking at the beginning, but I got used to them & the heat that is insane underground in the subways! We went to as Alex would say a Hobo Park an area near Madison Square Garden and handed out care packages and talked to some of the homeless people around. Then we walked around that area and then headed for the Brooklyn Tabernacle! So we went to an afternoon service at the Brooklyn Tab and it was amazing how alive & joyful everyone there was during the music & the message. It was really encouraging and later we talked about why our church is not like that. After that we headed back to the Times Square area and had some dinner and then went to another session. Following this, we had a time where we all got to talk about our day & share with each other things we were looking forward to for the week to come & what we had experienced that day. And finally we headed to bed, way too late!

Monday: Our day to SLEEP IN! Not, we woke up around 6AM to head out to the CBS Early Show. It was not all it was cracked out to be, trust me. But it was fun people from church actually saw us on TV and whatnot so that was cool. But right next to where we were, was the Apple Store. This was a good time, listening to iPods, checking mail, and messing around with Photo Both. Morning Session stufflunch in Central Park. This was our first day out on the town on our ministry sites. We took the subway to the Staten Island Ferry. We rode this back and forth for the afternoon and Megan, Brittany and I talked to some cool people, heard about people and just listened to what people had to say for the afternoon. It was one of my favorite parts of the trip. Then we all met and talked about our time on the Ferry.

For dinner, Mr. & Mrs. Gillesby, Sean, Alex, David, Brittany, Megan, and I went to TGI Fridays. It was fun talking to a totally random group of people after we met up with everyone else for the evening session.

Tuesday: Session, Lunch, Prospect Park. When we first got there we did not see very many people, but then we split up and went to different areas, and we found this cool park with a lot of kids and moms. So I got to talk to this sweet lady who was there with her daughter and she encouraged me, but I think she enjoyed talking because she had a lot to say & it was nice. There were many stories from this time from others as well it was a good time. Stopped for some food and headed to the Brooklyn Tabernacle for the Tuesday Night Prayer Meeting. This was a cool time of worship & prayer. Then we headed back to where we were staying went to TGI Fridays and got dessert then went back and headed for bed.

Wednesday: Session, Lunch, lower east side projects. This was an area I was the most nervous about. It was kind of discouraging at the beginning because we were not seeing as many people as we thought we would, but we ended up talking to some nannies and these really cute kids they were watching. And some of the guys got to play basketball with some guys and share Gods word with them at the end. On our way out we stopped by Dunkin Donuts and got something to snack on. Hopped on the subway and walked back to the hotel in the rain! Then after being all wet and gross we had some time to get all dolled up to go out to eat in Little Italy. This was fun all the girls were all dressed and we got to eat at a nice restaurant and then we walked around and looked at some of the places there, but then it started raining, so we headed back. Then we got together as a group and talked about our week so far, and Jerry informed us that he was heading home early to be with Bekah.

Thursday: Session, Lunch, Bronx. We took the subway for about 30 minutes all the way to the Bronx. We went to this park and walked around and chatted with some people. It was cool to see the guys hang out with a group of other guys and talk to them at the end of a soccer game about God and why they were in New York. Then we all got back on the subway and the guys went and hung out and then all the girls hung out in SOHO. It was OK, I mean not really my kind of thing, but we went a cute store called Lailia Rowe it had some good deals. Then we grabbed dinner on the run and headed to our last session. This was a long session with two speakers and a lot of music. It was OK. Then we headed to our rooms to pack and go to sleep!

Friday: Up early, waited for buses left NYC around 8:30ish. Traffic in Pennsylvania. Stopped one too many times, and arrived at Woodside about 9:45. Long day, long week, glad to be home.