twenty-twelve

this is a lame, first blog for twenty-twelve..but i promise i will write something in here soon.

thankfully this semester is a little less crammed as last semester.

thus.. free friday's + a tiny bit more free time.. a tiny bit.

all in all life is still crazy & not slowing down.

*in other news, i got to be a part of 45,000 other people at #passion2012.. soo

n, soon, soon, i will write about it.

ten at ten..

ten at ten..

one) Michigan skipped spring, 40's to 90's... I'm digging the hot & sweaty lifestyle the last few weeks!

two) my skin is starting to look sun-kissed & it's not even officially summer yet! Typically it takes at least until the end of July for me to look somewhat tan!!

three) I don't think people understand the craziness of how soon my long lost twin comes home! We're talking two weeks from yesterday!!!!!!!!

*four) The last few days I've been in a funk making me really frustrated, annoyed, & in a bratty mood.. but thankfully it was just a funk, and I'm realizing I'm just really kind of selfish & God is just using circumstances to show me He's in control... not me!
{AND it's just always a punch/slap in the face for me to snap out of because I am SOOOOO spoiled with the life God has given me.. I might not have a million dollars laying around but I'm spoiled & take SO much in this life I've been given for granted wayyyy too easily & I let the feelings of wanting more or not being satisfied get in the way of my thanks/surrendering it all back the One who gave it to me...holla at my mumma for good heart/reality checks.}

five) I've been trying to avoid pants of any sort the last few weeks. Skirts & dresses please! {soon my twin will return home with several dresses waiting for me to borrow..!!}

six) Due to the lack of reliable radio in my car it is obnoxious having to find something to listen to while driving that is not fussy or country music.. so thanks to our friends in the North, CBC Radio 2 has become my new favorite thing in the morning while I drive to work & in the afternoon when I drive home.. I'm obsessed.

seven) I've been dating a pretty sweet guy that I had a crush on for a long time..for seven months now?! It's crazy & makes me happy!

eight) I'm going to Wayne State in the fall {FINALLY!!!!} & one of my sisters roommates is moving out in August.. hmm...

*nine) I've been reading a lot of my old journals lately.. it's SO crazy how different only a year can look from one to the next!?!? Good, bad, ugly, & everything in-between!!!

ten) Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros just came on my iTunes.. I think I will still enjoy this song until I'm 99 years old.

*kind of related: old journals & writing about the good, the bad, & the ugly, being spoiled with this rich life, all kind of correlate.

xox

who YOU are..

i like regular routines.
i like organized schedules.
i like to know what's going on!

BUT

i also like spontaneity.
i like organized clutter.
i like lazy-do-nothing-days.

BUT too much of that, is too much!!
i was a very happy girl walking out of my last final exam for school this past semester, planning all my days of sleeping in, doing some yoga when i wanted to, running outside anytime during the day, meeting my boyfriend for lunch, staying up late for no reason, being l-a-z-y because school was done!
{all in this weird stage between me getting out school, not being in any summer classes, & the calm before the storm of watching THREE kids four days a week for the rest of the summer...}

but i've found that too much of this... is NOT good for me. i miss having a regular routine, knowing what my schedule would potentially look like at the beginning of each week! i feel like my whole life is just really REALLY unorganized right now. {in every aspect of the word} i was almost on the verge of a nervous break down this week because i feel like all the disorganization in my life right now, not just my schedule, but my room, my car, my work schedule, the way i'm eating/taking care of myself, all the free time................is all draining me & my relationship with God.

obviously i can't blame all the scatteredness that on my lack of spending time with God, laying down everything in my life for Him, soaking up His words, talking to Him, listening for Him, seeing Him, but the laziness is definitely seeping into my relationship with God & its really frustrating & annoying.

its of course in all these times that God's like: "OK Lindsay, i've been waiting for you to just come spend time with me! you know you can't do anything without Me, I want to give you peace, rest, and make you not feel anxious or frustrated!"

so it made me stop & think & finally get this desire, want back to fight for my relationship with God, that i can't just sit back & let it unfold in front of me & expect it to be useful/beneficial/thriving (there's a word I'm looking for, but I can't put my finger on it!?) like a text from a sweet friend about Galatians 5 & just all around being reminded of who HE is from a desperation band song called who You are..

so now i'm feeling motivated, refreshed, & renewed.. ready to beat this laziness spell with productivity & spending more time with my Maker..

so much goodness & blessing in my life to not spend time giving it all back to Him..


{i feel like i write things like this & they don't make sense, but that's ok, writing is like therapy for me, whether it makes sense or not!} xox

*ps my twin comes home in: 23ish days.

words + phrases...

movies. faithfulness. God-sized-prayer-requests. snow. learning. good-byes. hope. school. work. holidays. blessed. dreams. boots. new year. snuggly babies. quality friends. laughter. family. relaxation. imperfection. french press. sleeping in. painting nails. pleading for wisdom+healing. shopping. burt's bees. gift-giving. sledding. royal oak. a good cry {or two}. text messages. God's goodness. Hope in hurt+pain. skype. new adventures. slow to speak+quick to listen. creativity. worship. journals. enjoying the ride. in awe. small group. australia. reading. rest in Him. connections. courageous. sweaters. curiosity. answered prayers. at a loss for words. unfailing Love. gracious. talking about God. talking to God.. a lot.

{photo}

The LORD has done great things for {me}, and {I am} filled with joy. {psalm one-twenty-six:three}

For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not provide false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay. {habakkuk two:three}

overwhelmed..

For our third-annual Christmas get-together with my girls {babes, sisters...}, we got all dolled up & had a huge, delicious dinner together.

I love dressing up, I love dresses, I love wearing heels, I love putting make-up on, I love curling my hair, I love it. So its always exciting to get all dolled-up for dinner with some of my favorite girls. In years past we've gone out to eat all dressed up, but this year it was kind of sweet just dressing up to go over to Angela's.

After we ate & took pictures {of course}, we put our "cozy clothes" on, ate dessert, & started what turned into an almost four hour period of time of just sharing what God has been doing in our lives since the last time we all met {in this setting, last spring}

It was one of the best experiences I've ever had & will always remember. One by one, we all talked about God, our families, school, work, guys, friends, & everything else in-between, struggles, highs, lows, & weaknesses, but there was so much openness, honesty, & rawness. And there was a lot of tears & tissues, but also a lot of laughs. It was so great!!
Once more & more of us started talking about our lives over the past few months, we started to see a trend or thread throughout each of our stories/updates that all kind of related to each other. It was so encouraging!

It's also just sweet to think back over the last few years that this group of girls have been together. We've all grown & matured SO much, its awesome. It's awesome that we have each other to share about what Gods doing in our lives with!
There was one point when we gathered around Angela & prayed over her. It was so great, she has prayed over us & for us so many times, it was so sweet to be able to come around her & pray over her!

When I left {at 2:30am} I felt so filled, so overwhelmed, and just feeling overly blessed once again by God's greatness in my life.

How did I get so blessed with such a rich sisterhood that I know I'll have around me for years to come!? I wish every girl could experience times like these & have a group of sisters like mine...

It was definitely a sweet early Christmas gift..

christmasy faves..

I love Christmas! I love autumn time, but I think I love Christmas more.. so here are just some of the things I love about the season!


1. Christmas cookies.. I think I like baking them more than eating them though, which is good right!?
2. Giving Christmas gifts, especially if it's something someone really wanted!
3. Advent Songs by Sojourn.
4. Santa. I still & always will get gifts from "Santa" on Christmas morning.
5. It's A Wonderful Life.
6. Christmas lights.
7. Peppermint Mocha's.
8. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
9. Being with the whole Fillmore clan.
10. Snowmen.

+ I love that the last two Christmas' I've had a get-together with all these lovelies...and the tradition continues net week!!

journals..

journal: (noun) a daily record of news and events of a personal nature; a diary.

I love them. I've been faithfully writing in a journal since I was in middle school(ish).. from time to time I dig them all out of this box I keep them in & read what ever I wrote on the day I'm reading it or the closest to it, always a good time..."Hmm what was Lindsay Fillmore doing on December 7th, 2004..."

It's embarrassing to read some of my really old journals because what I wrote & had to say when I was 12-15. A lot of it was quite insignificant & pointless, but always fun to read & try to remember what or why I was writing what I wrote..

Obviously over the years they've matured a little bit & have steered from what I did on a given day while I was in eighth grade to more of a place I can write out what is on my heart as a dialogue between God & I, that I don't talk about with even my closest friends.

My journals are kind of like a part of me, I typically always have it with me, & I get excited when I start a new one, but kind of sad when I end one! I've noticed lately that a lot of my journals reflect different seasons of my life, which I love, because it's kind of like a chapter book.
{I also like that I'm the only one who can read it.. how do I know this? Because I always have it with me!}

I write it more of a prayer journal, where it's mostly "God, this is what's going on in my life right now..." not just a "Dear Diary..." I like the exclusiveness of a conversation between just God & I, but since it's written down, I can always go back & read it!

It's been sweet to read the journals I've kept since high school, just seeing all God has done in my life, prayers He's answered, things He's taught me, & things He's showed me through highs, lows, pits, blessings, & every other season of my life I've experienced & written about.{on a side note, this week my two favorite songs this week are Rocketeer by Far East Movement + Strip Me by Natasha Bedingfeild.. I think God is telling me I need to run more because they both make me want to go running.}

hey December...

..so about this diet I've been on for the last month. It was so refreshing to not be consumed by things that don't matter or are distracting to me for a few weeks. I've come to the conclusion that the social networking scene is good for staying connected with people I don't see on a regular basis, so I have missed that, but really don't miss any of it otherwise.

It was all really what I needed coming out of such a pit! It hasn't been easy, but it's been so good. October was really yucky, November was really great, & now it's December already!?

Can I share two verses that were shared with me earlier in November after talking about all of this fasting, the pit that was October & just being all-around distracted for so long? Of course I can! So I used two different versions of the Bible to smash these two verses together:

{...casting down arguments & every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. [New King James]

...our {God}tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction & building lives of obedience into maturity. [The Message]}
{second corinthians ten:five & six}

the cliché thanksgiving blog..

I didn't want to do it, but it has to happen; the cliché thanksgiving blog..

First of all, it doesn't feel like Thanksgiving.. it definitely crept up on me, I don't know where November went + it's not as cold as Michigan typically is right now.

{side note: I feel like autumn is over right after Thanksgiving because the world is consumed by everything Christmas once it's over... even though it technically isn't winter until December 21st, so it makes me kind of sad that now I have to get ready for a long winter.}

Thanksgiving since I can remember in the Fillmore house {when we stay home} involves a lot of cooking, watching the parade, the whole clan under one roof, just spending time together, eating a lot, & the day typically ends with a lot of sweatshirts, pajamas, & being cozy while watching It's A Wonderful Life. It just makes me smile, happy, & feeling blessed.
So here are just some of the things I'm thankful for right now:my big family: mom & dad Fillmore, the sisters, & the brothers {my life would be so boring without them} + friends that I can talk about God with, what He's doing in our lives, & encourage each other + being a part of a church body that's alive & thriving to increase the Kingdom + second, third, fourth, hundredth chances.. how did I get so lucky & why has God blessed me so much?

{psalm one-hundred}

*I randomly saw Brandon Flowers last night {for FREE!} & can't stop listening to his song {Only the Young}, the video for it is pretty great.

still not wanting to grow up, still wanting to go to paris, + cute things from poppytalk...

So I have a whole slew of random blogs I like to keep up with, one of them being: {poppytalk}, it's loaded with a lot of cute things + inspires me to be more creative.
just some of the cuteness I've accumulated from poppytalk are these photos this woman sells on etsy that are my new favorites, they remind me of my photo class in high school, we did something like this where we developed some prints with text on top of our photos, so this one intriuged me + the quote is from peter pan!
"forget them, wendy. forget them all. come with me where you'll never, never, have to worry about grown up things again."
{if only it were that easy peter..}
...and I have a serious infatuation with the city of Paris + the Eiffel Tower {...and I plan going there someday}, so I fell in love with more picture from this woman's etsy shop.
...and just some more cute things I found on poppytalk was this cute & creative fireplace, just one reason I need to live in an 1800's style house someday with great crown molding around a fireplace.
...and my fave passage of the Bible {ecclesiastes three} was mentioned on Sunday at Lighthouse & made me re-read it again for the thousandth time & soak it up that there's a time & season for everything. truth. truth. truth.

...and it's kind of making me sad that all the fall leaves have fallen & have been raked up & the trees are naked, leaving the midwestern scenery very bland, gray, & depressing, until it's nighttime & you can see Christmas lights.

...also I think I'm jumping the gun a little but I'm keeping the National in my memory bank for my winter playlist, they just sound like winter time. I've had Slow Show on repeat today..and I wouldn't mind learning how to play England on the piano.

a heart diet..

I've been on a diet for the past two weeks. Not your typical diet to lose weight, I could stand to lose a few pounds here or there I'm sure, but I've maintained the same weight since I was a freshman in high school, so I think I'll be fine, for now, because it's not really what's important to me right now. I've been on & am still on more of a distraction-social-networking-cleansing-re-focusing-esque diet of my heart, head, & life in general.

All stemming from the month of October. It was really just yucky to put it lightly. It was just a really dark, low, not-very-Lindsay-ish, month. It was just an all around tear-filled, worthless-depressing-feeling, disappointing, few weeks of October. Honestly a few weeks of feeling the lowest I've ever felt in my whole life.

I'm pretty blessed to have grown up knowing what I'm truly worth. To my parents, to my family, to my God. I'm pretty blessed to have grown up in a good, no, great home. I'm pretty blessed to have grown up with not much tragedy, heartache, or real suffering. I can only smile looking at the life God's given me. It hasn't always been a walk in the park, but in perspective, as my wise mother always says: "If you're having {even the slightest form of} a bad day, remember someone else is having a worse one". I can have some REALLY terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days here or there, but they last like Alexander's, just a day {or so} & then everything is back to "normal".

...just some "bad days" that stick out in my mind in the life of Lindsay Fillmore:

• running out of gas.
• being late.
• days that of hating every-minute of watching toddlers.
• not being able to pay for big things: my rent {when I lived out of my parents house, they ever-so graciously let me sleep under their roof again for free}, my car insurance, my insulin.
• having high blood sugar, or just struggling with my diabetes in general.
• watching my sisters do awesome stuff & feeling useless because I just go to school & watch babies all day.
• not getting a job(s) that looked very promising.
• two deaths in our family within a week of each other a few years ago.

Some seem harmless & kind of bratty right? In the scheme of things I consider myself blessed again if some of those are the "bad days"I tend to have. I also would consider myself a pretty happy, out-going, positive person more-often-times-than-not, so these "bad days" were very foreign to me, especially when they became constant.

There were days that I'd just literally feel nothing. Like an empty-shell-of a person. I would want to be in my bed all day, not do anything, not talk to anyone, not eat, not go to class, not go to work, not go to church or lighthouse, drive home alone literally crying to God asking Him to pull me out of whatever *this* foreign pit was. I wanted to just sit in my bed, sleep, or cry for no reason, and sometimes I couldn't even cry. {I'm a girl, I'm an emotional girl, I cry. But it was not normal to be upset or want to curl up in a ball at any given time.}

In the midst of all that being the majority of my month, God was still doing something in my heart. I could still feel Him trying to say: "Lindsay, I'm meeting you here. I'm breaking your heart because YOU NEED ME. You can't do this by yourself. You're worth more than anything to Me. I have better things for you in the future, just wait a little longer, be patient. Here is my hand, just take it & get out of this low-pit! I'm the hope you're looking for, that you need."

But I was still being stubborn & letting the enemy fill my heart & mind with: "Lindsay, you're worthless. It's ok to be jealous, you deserved it instead. You're stuck & I'm not going to let you go. You're hurting heart, is just what I wanted. Just stay here in this low-pit with me."

A few days before November started I was still having a lot of these feelings but also having this hope moving inside of me, so I decided I needed to cut things out of my life, step back, strip my heart down, & clear the way to let God do some real healing.

I decided to go on a detox, diet, strip-down. Starting with anything social-network-related {I have cheated a time-or-two, but for the most part have really not been so consumed by it, and I like it}. Spending more time looking for, listening to, seeking, & waiting on God. Eating healthier {still not a real diet, just to be healthier of course}. Not wearing as much make-up as I typically do. Spending more time investing in people; friends, family, my small group girls. And a whole laundry list of other little things to just help myself throughout the month of November.

It's November 15th. I can't even believe this month is already half over. I can't even believe how much more of God I've been seeing. I can't even believe the joy + thanksgiving {appropriate word for November right?} I've been experiencing in the last few weeks.

It's good. It's really good, even though the enemy is still alive & well trying to whisper in my ear that I don't deserve to be out of the "pit", that I should still be down there with him. God is SO faithful I can't even handle it! He meets us where we are, He is renewing our hearts every hour at our highest or at our lowest. He breaks us down when we {I} start to think we {I} can do this life on our {my} own to remind us {me} we {I} NEED HIM EVERY HOUR.

One reason I think God put "my sisters" blog on my heart coming out of October was so I could re-read it over & over again to let it seep into me, just as much as I intended it to seep into every female I know or don't know.

...now go listen to "I Need Thee Every Hour" by Jars of Clay.

autumn tunes..

Happy first day of fall, harvest, autumn friends... this is a very fall-esque play list for your ears to enjoy, or at least for my ears to enjoy for the next few months of crisp weather, earth tones, apples, pumpkin spice latte's, & falling leaves...

{these songs aren't necessarily "new" songs, but definitely worthy of being listened to on a crisp-fall day while sipping a pumpkin spice latte on your way to the apple orchard..and I started with just ten songs, then added a few more & had an OCD moment & couldn't leave the list at 13 or 17.. so 20 it is.}

1. On My Way Back Home, Band of Horses
2. Lay Down In Your Fields, Griffin House
3. I Have Nothing, Noah & the Whale
4. Wide Eyes, Local Natives
5. Don't I Hold You, Wheat
6. Electrocution & Laughter, Jeremy Lister
7. Young Friend, Brooke Waggoner
8. Comin' Home, CIty & Colour
9. Last Time, Paper Route
10. Your Side Now, Trent Dabbs
11. Deciphering Me, Brooke Fraser
12. The World at Large, Modest Mouse
13. Elements, A Fine Frenzy
14. Let's Go, Madi Diaz
15. Your Ghost, Greg Laswell
16. Decisions, How to Dress Well
17. Your Protector, Fleet Foxes
18. Blood Bank, Bon Iver
19. Reach, Andrew Belle
20. Go Do, Jónsi
*enjoy..

{artwork: Samantha Rose}

autumn fallin' from trees...

look what I found today... love love love.

{photo credit: the twin}

Right this second...

I'm wearing:
...these pants that I forgot I had, they seriously might be the most comfortable pants I've ever worn. They're light weight, kind of baggy, & cozy.. I'm in love.

It feels:
...like it should be later than 11:00.

I'm enjoying:
...laying on my parents couch watching Elizabethtown with my twin & mom. I think I've seen this movie more than any other movie in the whole world. I don't know what it is about it. I love it & could watch it over & over again..
{my family went down to Nashville last November.. we drove through Elizabethtown, KY on our way home.. :)}

I wish this weekend I was:
...going on one of Claire's cross-country road trips.

I'm a little ashamed:
...of how attached I am to this new friend I acquired last weekend... her name is BlackBerry.

I'm thinking about:
...how excited I am to go to yoga & hang out with my sisters tomorrow night in the city of Detroit.

I'm still:
...getting used to living back at my parents house.. missing the sound of the train at night

I'm still wondering & curious about:
...this next season of my life that is unfolding in front of me..

I'm wishing:
...I was counting down to a vacation to a private island somewhere & no agenda, or at least ...another long weekend at the St. Regis in Orange County,

I'm dreaming of:
...fall, crunchy leaves, cider mills, apple orchards, & earth tones.

I'm still soaking up:
...habakkuk one.

I'm thinking about how I need to:
...buy some lawn tickets to see my boys Ray&Gray.

I'm smiling about:
...my adventure with 100+ students/leaders to Detroit starting on Sunday.

I'm a little sad about:
...not visiting Lake Ann Camp for the first time in TEN years this summer.

I'm remembering:
...the sweet little faces that I met last summer in West Viginia!

I should be:
...sleeping.

new time, new season...

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What does the worker gain from his toil?

¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on men.

¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

¹² I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.

¹³ That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God.

¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

{patience is a virtue . . . here's to a new season }

*its t h r e e .... i should be sleeping

*honestly, i neeeed to curve this habit of mine. i stay up much to late. late enough that commercials for excersie equipment, acne cleanser, & natural make up comes on. i am currently sitting in my bed,wide-eyed, i dont even know why? i cant recall the last time i went to bed before 1 to 2 am.... its not very healthy. anyway, while i am up.....here are some random thoughts of mine about life, love, & other mysteries...

L I F E .

christmas has come & gone.

[much to quickly]

christmas consisted of:

-friends

-[extended] family

-all seven fillmores under one roof for a few days

-cookies

-gifts

-cleaning

-eating

-movies

there is a lot of snow this year

but its going to be almost fifty tomorrow [today]...!?

walking up to the corner for coffee & lunch...has become one of my new favorite activities

i am d e t e r m i n e d to get healthy [for real] in oh-nine.

*not just physically, but also spiritually...

-having diabetes i should automatically want to be and force myself to be healthy, but i have a case of procrastination and laziness more often times than not.

-i need to [get more sleep]

-run more often

-eat healthier

-i need to have more dates with my Jesus

-get to know Him more.

*i can do ALL things thru Christ who strengthens me.

sisterly L O V E .

i am very thankful for t w o sisters.

-although we are not exactly "best friends" [all three of us], i do enjoy the time i spend with both of them at the same time. especially when we attempt to ditch extended-family gatherings, and brittany tries to teach c & i how to knit...

- i admire how bold and brave my older sister is. she seems to not be afraid of anything & is always looking for something new and exciting to take on. she is so creative and loves to help people.

-and then theres courtney. we might have pretty similar dna, but we are pretty different. i wish i was as artistic as courtney. although i try to play piano or guitar, draw or write, courtney seems to have this eye for artistic things. i love that. her & i also just really have this bond, that i really dont think i could ever share with anyone else...perhaps a future husband, but we'll have to wait & see..

-i do take both of them for granted a lot... and treat them poorly a lot, but i have been working on showing them more genuine love lately....

*the following could & should be its own topic, but its on my mind [at three-ish a.m.]....!?

O T H E R M Y S T E R I E S .

to be completely honest...

-i am that girl, who has dreamed of getting married and having a wedding, since--well since i can remember. i dont typically talk about this dream of mine unless im with brittany joy or courtney, but i really cannot wait.

-but wedding plans aside, since seventh grade when my english teacher [at a christian school of course] talked to us about praying for our future spouses, i pretty much have done since then.

-typically when i am talking to God i pray something like this: "dear God, i dont know who he is, where he is, or what he is doing right now...." and then go on, but then i bite my tongue and pray about my future with or without a husband. and ask God to help me to be content with His plans for me--married or not.

-saying that God does bless me with a man that loves God more than he love me, that i'd call my husband...then i can't wait to plan a wedding, wear a fancy dress, & be a princess for a day, and then actually be married to my best friend & spend the rest of our lives together for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from that day forward until death do us part.

-i talk to my mom a lot about this subject. [joking-ly] courtney & i ask my mom if she is concerned that none of her twenty-one & nineteen year old daughters have ever had a boyfriend or even been asked out on a date before. then my lisa [i call my mom by her first name. i have for a while now, i dont really now since when. but she knows i respect her & its kind of a running joke between her & i...'lisa' says it's a "term of endearment":)] replys: "no, i am not concerned, i think that i am blessed..." not her words exactly but, she so often reminds the three daughters that "he" is out there somewhere & God will bring "him" into our lives in His own timing. mmm. *truth.

-so often after conversations like these occur, i think about these things & realize how i am blessed that somehow [by the grace of God no doubt] that i have been raised to not long or desire to have to always have a boyfriend, or be aggressive & seek such attention from guys. i think that i am blessed because i haven't had to face heartbreak, disappointment, or temptation throughout my teen years thus far. i do wish, hope, & pray that if God brings that guy into my life, that he's the one, and that he's the only one.

-in a nutshell, i admire those who don't have to date +1 gentlemen, but "date" & marry one.

-i really do feel blessed that i have never dated or been in a "serious" relationship. being friends with guys is good for me.

-i really do enjoy praying & wondering about a future husband that really does love his Jesus more than me.

-also, i do love wisdom from my lisa.

*i hope everyone had a delightful christmas & didn't just think about opening gifts or eating cookies, but remembered that the only reason we even have christmas is because a Savior was born to die for us & save us from a life of sin & apart from Him.

ABBA FATHER,

thank You for sending Your Son to this earth

to be born, life, & die as a man for me.

thank You for family.

thank You for siblings.

help me to show them real love more often.

thank You for a mom who loves You

& relays wisdom about You & Your plan for me, to me.

thank You for taking me back always.

even when so often times i get away from You.

thank You for random things on my mind, at four in the morning....

deep breath.

now i am ready to close my eyes.

PS:

i suggest you get your hands on a copy of "Advent Songs" by Soujourn. it is a beautiful set of christmas songs. i will definitely find myself listening to it, long after christmas time....

*christmas goodies...

i do l o v e Christmas. this week i have/had three Christmas parties to attend...the one i am going to tomorrow (my junior girls small group for wsm is having a small get-together tomorrow!) we are having a cookie exchange.

i am not much of a cook or baker, but when i have the time, i do enjoy cooking or baking! so i was going to make some cookies or something, but my mom had bought the material to make chocolate covered pretzels so thats what i made!

*oh just an idea for you, add some "Silk" Vanilla soy milk to your hot chocolate & add some whipped cream, and you are in business...

*e n d of j u l y into a u g u s t....

the past few weeks have flown by & im still trying to wrap my arms around everything that i have been doing and whats been going on!

delbarton, west virginia
red caboose
melissa edwards
bobbie edwards & his southern gospel music
oil based paint
curvy winding roads
hemp button braclets
7/11
moose bar
youth works
ogga-boogga-bera-cooda
packing lunches
snakes
three o'clock showers
white water rafting
jumping off a twenty foot rock into the river
swimming down a rapid
end of forty
watershed
new hillsong album
worship
prayer
praises
desires
dreams
future
prayer room
journal
realizations

----->you should go grab a copy of the new hillsong cd...its called 'this is our God'

*hi november....

eventful thanksgiving week with my family.

i was upset i missed anberlin, mae, and motion city soundtrack in detroit, but i spent wedneday-sunday with my family driving, eating, shopping, pictures, more eating, movies, christmas music. [sad day, i forgot(?) my black hat...at a hotel we stayed at.]

my first term of senior year is quickly getting away from me.
for the last two weeks all i knew was papers, projects, and being annoyed with school. this week we started our first set of final exams. one down today, three more to go. next week i have a whole new set of classes, i am pretty stoked about that.

its beginning to look a lot like christmas.
when we left for illinois last week it was semi-warm [50ish] then we got home and there was a little snow on the ground and the air changed to that frigid, burning your face, type cold, that does not go away until mid march. and every other radio station is blasting christmas music. i like it.

plum market
work is long, its nice though everyone i've met is really cool and i somewhat know what i am doing now

moody bible institute
i am sending in my moody application this week. i am nervous to find out in january if i get in, but also ready to se what other doors God will open if i do not get in, so it is a win-win situation, its all in Gods hand now.

night on the town
today was my sisters 20th birthday, so our family and two of her friends, went to a restaurant in greektown in downtown detroit tonight. it was fun. although it was freezing cold outside it was fun. i love that part of the city, where the theaters, stadiums, and well casinos are, its really nice. we ate greek food and got dessert at a cute bakery across the street call astoria pastry shop. it was cute, so much to choose from!