romans 12...

be transformed by the renewing of your mind

love must be sincere, cling to what is good

honor others above yourself

joyful in hope

patient in affliction

faithful in prayer

being hospitable

share with the needy

rejoice with those who mourn

live in harmony

don't be proud

don't be conceded

overcome evil with good.

{+first john three:sixteen}

{photo credit: cfillmore}

overwhelm {me}...

I should be finishing my homework right now... but Isaiah 61 & I Want to know You by Jesus Culture are distracting me, making me want to jump up & down::

soak up some truth & goodness...

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
{isaiah sixty-one}

{Grace never ending
Your hands they carry me
Your body is broken
for all the world to see
my heart is held
by love so unconditional
You captivate me
let Your spirit overwhelm me
let Your presence overtake my heart...}

{picture, totally unrelated:: just r-e-a-l-l-y missing my twin right now..
it has officially been the longest we've gone without communication.}

HIS grip..

"your HEAVENLY FATHER has a firm grip on you. HIS vantage point is way above the water level. HE'S bigger than you. HE'S stronger than you. and HE'S got you safely in HIS grip. it gets better: when you get down to it, you're not the one holding on to HIM -- HE'S holding on to you. maybe you're afraid that if you pray a sun stand still prayer & live in audacious faith, you'll end up letting GOD down. but the reality is, you were never holding HIM up."
--steven furtick, sun stand still

HE will not delay..

This past week seems like it's been dragging on more than usual? I don't know why, but it was just kind of a horrible week with school, my car, just feeling really negative & blue, & missing my sister(s). But it was such a rich weekend with the 400-some people I got to experience God with, so that should have left me in a really good mood all week!

I definitely think it was the Devil trying to seep his way into my heart for sure. Just every morning this week was awful & leaving me in a bad, nasty mood, instead of making the best out of the worst or rejoicing & being glad. BUT low and behold my Lisa came in & saved the day(s) with a pep-talk/reminder/encouragement that made me remember I was trying to finish these thoughts LAST week, but forgot about them..

So my mom is full of a lot of wisdom & good-solid-advice.. which I am SO thankful for, I hope if I have a daughter someday, I can pour as much wisdom & good advice into her as my mom always has into me!! BUT all that to say ONE of the good things she ALWAYS reminds me of is the only three ways God answer's prayer requests, no matter how big or small: Yes. No. Wait.

{At Lighthouse two weeks ago Cliff talked about Habakkuk & how he was waiting on an answer from God & I read these verses over the weekend on our retreat..so I had to finish writing about it!!}

US: How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
GOD: Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

{For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come
and will not delay!!!!!!!!!!!}

So we get on our knees before God, asking him for this or that {you fill in the blank}. Waiting for God to answer our pleads. Obviously we wouldn't mind if God answered everything we prayed about with a YES or in the way WE want them to be answered... but there are times when we have to reluctantly be content with a no or a not yet.

Those are the seasons that might seem like a valley or leave us angry with why God isn't answering our prayer the way WE want Him to. Or these seasons of "no" or "wait" can be used to grow closer to the Him...

If it's not time for something to happen in our story yet, then God is still paving the way for something great coming our way. If it's not time for something to happen in our story yet, maybe God is using that time to bring us closer to Him. If it's not time for something to happen in our story yet, we need to keep our eyes & heart open for the little things, all leading to the end result our God has for us.

When God says "no" to something as much as it hurts to swallow that {especially if it's something we were SO sure about} and as hard as it is to accept a straight up NO, maybe not right then, but eventually you'll start to see exactly why God said no to something or didn't make something happen in the way WE wanted it to. We start to pray harder, or more frequently, trying to fight the NO. Trying to change God's mind somehow. When that happens to me, I'm so sure of something and then it doesn't turn out the way I wanted it to, I can always see later on that it was really a blessing that God had a different plan for me rather than giving me what I thought I needed. We serve a gracious God, who wants & desires the BEST for us, He knows what we need, WHEN we need it. He doesn't delay.

{another thing my mom always tells me is if God doesn't answer our prayers in a way we wanted Him to or the way we thought He was going to (a NO or a WAIT) that He has something ELSE, something BETTER waiting for us...that He's still preparing us for!!}

Then there's the times when God gives us what we've been praying for. A yes. He answers a prayer {big or small} with a YES. A go ahead. A it's time. He doesn't delay. He knows we're ready for something, He knows it's time for this or that. What!? It's exciting & scary at the same time. Too good to be true. Blessing. Joy. Happiness. Undeserving. It's almost like this answer is more work than a "wait" or a "no" because it's a constant, day to day surrender to the One who blessed us with our YES. Giving up whatever it is He's blessed us with & remembering none of it's ours.

{in other news totally unrelated, it needs to be s p r i n g already.}

we need Him, I need Him..

IT FEELS LIKE A CONUNDRUM WHEN YOU KNOW & CAN EVIDENTLY SEE SO MUCH BLESSING IN YOUR LIFE BUT FEEL EMPTY & DRY AT THE SAME TIME. LETTING THE DEVIL RUN IN & STEAL JOY & STRIP YOU OF HAPPINESS. BUT ITS TIMES LIKE THIS WHERE GOD IS USING THIS AS A GENTLE REMINDER {to me anyway} THAT WE'RE {I'm} TRYING TO DO LIFE WITHOUT HIM & HE WANTS US {me} TO NEED HIM. WE {I} NEED HIM.

james one

overwhelmed..

For our third-annual Christmas get-together with my girls {babes, sisters...}, we got all dolled up & had a huge, delicious dinner together.

I love dressing up, I love dresses, I love wearing heels, I love putting make-up on, I love curling my hair, I love it. So its always exciting to get all dolled-up for dinner with some of my favorite girls. In years past we've gone out to eat all dressed up, but this year it was kind of sweet just dressing up to go over to Angela's.

After we ate & took pictures {of course}, we put our "cozy clothes" on, ate dessert, & started what turned into an almost four hour period of time of just sharing what God has been doing in our lives since the last time we all met {in this setting, last spring}

It was one of the best experiences I've ever had & will always remember. One by one, we all talked about God, our families, school, work, guys, friends, & everything else in-between, struggles, highs, lows, & weaknesses, but there was so much openness, honesty, & rawness. And there was a lot of tears & tissues, but also a lot of laughs. It was so great!!
Once more & more of us started talking about our lives over the past few months, we started to see a trend or thread throughout each of our stories/updates that all kind of related to each other. It was so encouraging!

It's also just sweet to think back over the last few years that this group of girls have been together. We've all grown & matured SO much, its awesome. It's awesome that we have each other to share about what Gods doing in our lives with!
There was one point when we gathered around Angela & prayed over her. It was so great, she has prayed over us & for us so many times, it was so sweet to be able to come around her & pray over her!

When I left {at 2:30am} I felt so filled, so overwhelmed, and just feeling overly blessed once again by God's greatness in my life.

How did I get so blessed with such a rich sisterhood that I know I'll have around me for years to come!? I wish every girl could experience times like these & have a group of sisters like mine...

It was definitely a sweet early Christmas gift..

still not wanting to grow up, still wanting to go to paris, + cute things from poppytalk...

So I have a whole slew of random blogs I like to keep up with, one of them being: {poppytalk}, it's loaded with a lot of cute things + inspires me to be more creative.
just some of the cuteness I've accumulated from poppytalk are these photos this woman sells on etsy that are my new favorites, they remind me of my photo class in high school, we did something like this where we developed some prints with text on top of our photos, so this one intriuged me + the quote is from peter pan!
"forget them, wendy. forget them all. come with me where you'll never, never, have to worry about grown up things again."
{if only it were that easy peter..}
...and I have a serious infatuation with the city of Paris + the Eiffel Tower {...and I plan going there someday}, so I fell in love with more picture from this woman's etsy shop.
...and just some more cute things I found on poppytalk was this cute & creative fireplace, just one reason I need to live in an 1800's style house someday with great crown molding around a fireplace.
...and my fave passage of the Bible {ecclesiastes three} was mentioned on Sunday at Lighthouse & made me re-read it again for the thousandth time & soak it up that there's a time & season for everything. truth. truth. truth.

...and it's kind of making me sad that all the fall leaves have fallen & have been raked up & the trees are naked, leaving the midwestern scenery very bland, gray, & depressing, until it's nighttime & you can see Christmas lights.

...also I think I'm jumping the gun a little but I'm keeping the National in my memory bank for my winter playlist, they just sound like winter time. I've had Slow Show on repeat today..and I wouldn't mind learning how to play England on the piano.

for all my sisters...

This... has taken a long time for me to write! It's hard to talk about some of these topics, but I tried to do it as carefully as I could because it all means a lot to me. It took a lot of tweaking & a lot of asking God for the right words to use. But low & behold here is a lot of words regarding a whole plethora of things I'm passionate about. It's long, so get ready.

I'm writing this specifically geared toward a potpourri of lovely high school girls in my life that are a part of Woodside Student Ministry, but it can relate to any female really no matter her age, including myself. So read this as if I was sitting across from you at Starbucks over a cup of coffee or hot chocolate....

If you & I were sitting down at a Starbucks, Caribou, Panera, your house, my house, at church, wherever, to chat about life, love, & other mysteries right now, I would as gently & as lovingly as I could scream this into your heart, because I love YOU. Do me a favor & read this slowly. Soak it up. Drink up some truth for a minute {or two} sister. {I'm screaming it all right into my own heart too..}

{YOU are beautiful no matter what.}
You my sweet friend, are a beauty. Your freckles, your eyes, your eye lashes, your mouth, your smile, your teeth; straight, crooked, with braces, with spaces, white or yellow.. are beautiful. Your eye brows; skinny, bushy, plucked, waxed, untouched... are beautiful. Your ears, your nose, your blemishes, your acne, everything on your face that your make-up hides.. is beautiful. Your height, your weight, your skin color, your toes, your fingers, your arms, your tummy, everything about YOU.. is beautiful. And are exactly how & where a very crafty Creator perfectly intended. Before time began God was sketching a picture of YOU & deciding where each freckle, birth mark, & mole would be on your body. Do not FOR ONE SECOND let ANYONE {your mom, sister, brother, dad, uncle, aunt, grandma, grandpa, friend, BEST friend, or the reflection in your mirror} tell you otherwise.

{YOU are worth more than YOU could ever imagine.}
Sister, do you know how much you're REALLY worth? Do you know that a King gave His WHOLE life for just YOU? Do you know that He saved YOU? Do you know YOU mean more than anything in the world to HIM? Did you know He chose YOU to be His? He wants YOU. Do you know YOU are desired by an all-knowing, all-loving, mysterious, wondrous God? Did you know YOU are written on HIS heart? Did you know YOU are worth more than any precious jewels, diamonds, or rubies to Him? Did you know He craves time with just YOU? Did you know He longs for YOU? Did you know HE wants what's best for YOU? Did you know He knows what YOUR heart needs? Did you know He is the author of YOUR story? This Man, is your Beloved & He is YOURS, YOU are His. If you let Him be. Even if you don't right now.. He'll be waiting patiently for YOU to come running into His arms. Even if you can't accept His love for YOU, you are STILL worth more than anyone or anything to HIM & that He'll always be there just for YOU. Sister, no man, husband, boyfriend, friend, anyone or anything.. can ever love you as much as He does.

{are YOU talking to God?}
Do you talk to our God? Like really, REALLY talk to Him? Do you talk to Him about the desires of your heart? Do you ask Him to do God-sized things in your life? Do you believe He can do God-sized things in your life? Do you get on your face before Him pleading for direction, guidance, or wisdom for your journey? Don't be scared, ashamed, embarrassed, or feeling unworthy when it comes to talking to God about the the biggest, craziest, or teeny-tiniest desires of your heart! He already knows ALL of them, and the desires of your heart ten years from now, and fifty years from now. He desires to hear all about it from YOU. Let Him know when you have a good, great, horrible, exciting, horrific, sad, or happy day. Let Him know when you're frustrated with Him, let go of your pride & let Him know you really don't have it all together & you NEED Him to hold your hand & guide YOU.

*{the future husband prayer.}
Story time, I remember sitting in my seventh grade English class (at a Christian school) with Mrs. Smith & her telling us about her & her husband. She told us that she had started praying for her husband when she was young, I guess it never really crossed my mind until she mentioned that, but I liked it & it caught my attention. Since then I've pretty much done the same. The prayer has changed a bit over the years but has stayed pretty constant: "God, I don't know who HE is, where HE is, or what HE's doing right now..." you get the gist of it right? I believe in a big God. I believe in a God who listens to His children when they call on Him. You talk, He listens, even if you're talking about someone you can only dream about right now. You can even use my prayer for Prince Charming if you want!

{hold high standards for YOURSELF}
As a twenty-one year old, college student, there are a whole lot of OTHER things I could be doing with my life right now that people my age, younger, or older are involved with. I could be a smoker, I could be an alcoholic, I could be sleeping with a different guy every weekend, I could be out all night making bad decisions & doing a lot of things I would regret later on. As a pretty sensitive person with an overly guilty conscience, I'm not anywhere near involved with any of that. I hold pretty high standards for myself & want to be a good example to YOU, to be someone YOU can look up to. I'M NOT PERFECT (by any stretch of the imagination), but I want to be there for YOU. I want to be here to encourage YOU. I want to be a voice in YOUR head to remind you that you DON'T have to do this or that to look "cool" or to "fit in", that it's OK to stand out & be different. As Christians we're supposed look different from the world, don't let the garbage of this world tempt YOU! Decide what you want people's view of you to look like. Do you want to be different? To look like a little Christ? I survived high school without going to homecoming, any house parties, prom, without drinking, doing drugs, or having sex, and I still had a very fun & pleasant high school experience that left me feeling blessed.

{If you're a female, YOU are captivating.}
The word captivate is a verb that simply means to hold the attraction of a noun (in this case, YOU as a woman, girl, lady, she, her, sister, daughter, all around female; are captivating to the male species.) You catch their attention, catch his attention the right way though. Be captivating by being who YOU are. Don't try to be someone or something you're not to catch his attention.. Sister you're captivating the way you are, being yourself. Don't be a chameleon. PLEASE, don't be. Don't change who you are to win the attention of a GUY! If that's the case.. then he is NOT worth your while. He should be interested in who YOU are, not who you pretend to be!

{survive high school/college without a boyfriend!?}
Crazy I know, but SISTER, I'm just going to say it, and you can argue with me about it if you want but dating in high school is a waste of time. *Any guy reading this can hear this too because it's the truth, I have two younger brothers, one in high school, guys in high school are not looking for a serious relationship, a wife, a soul-mate. You are not ready to get married or to be someone's wife. (dating in my book is for marriage, not a recreational sport, you & I can talk about this another time..) The chances of your high school relationship(s) lasting after graduation is slim to none. Have guy friends! Have fun with them! Hang out with them! Get to know them! Sister, graduate from high school, go to college, get a degree, travel, start a revolution, experience your late teen-twenties-days, AND if God brings a potential-God-fearing-handsome-man into your story in the midst of your college-travel-degree-getting-revolution-making-days, then let it be. I've done it, I'm doing it right now. I've survived. I am about as single as one can be, I've never had a boyfriend, I've never been in a relationship, and guess what? I have friends that are my age or younger that are married, engaged, or in serious relationships, & I'm still confused, learning, & trying to understand the whole male-species as a twenty-one year old. That's all I can say about this..

{YOU deserve nothing less than better, than the best.}
When/if a guy wanders into your life, he should respect you for who YOU are & the standards YOU hold for yourself. He should be encouraging & building you up, not discouraging you or tearing you down (physically, verbally, or emotionally). He should be friends with your friends. You deserve a guy who loves the Lord & likes to talk about what God is doing in both of your lives. You deserve a guy who challenges you spiritually & encourages you in your walk with God. He should be knowledgeable of the Bible. He should have a band of brothers who challenge him. He should have another guy in his life that challenges him spiritually & keeps him accountable. You also deserve a man who prays for you & with you. That's just some of what you deserve in a man. Don't settle for anything less or anything convenient.

{THEY need US to help them.}
As girls we like to look nice, we like to feel attractive, we like positive attention right? As daughters of the King, it's our responsibility to help our BROTHERS. What we wear, how we look, the way we move, the way we act, the things we say, can all alter how a guy views us. We're responsible for helping guard their purity & helping them by not being a stumbling block in their lives. There is a way to look nice & feel attractive without putting a negative light on ourselves as women. It builds character & helps us feel good about ourselves when we know we're not causing one of our brothers to stumble. And on the contrary.. I have no tolerance for MEN of any age talking disrespectfully about any girl, whether I know her or not. So let's save all of ourselves some trouble & protect our brothers eyes & help them to not have to talk in a demeaning way to us because of our appearance or how we carry ourselves, carry yourself like the Princess you are.

{Be productive in the waiting for Prince Charming..}
As women we long to be pursued. Our heart desires that special attention from a male, we like that special attention. While we wait for him to come into our stories we can't be wishing our lives away, we can't be sitting back & wallowing in self-pity because Prince Charming hasn't come along yet! We need to be spending time with our God. We need to be hanging out with our SISTERS. We need to be growing & learning things along the way & experiencing the life God has given to us. It's OK to be the wedding-dreaming-baby-name-list-making-sappy-Matt-Wertz-love-song-listening girl.. like myself, as long as you are growing in your relationship with God. Let Him show YOU what He wants for your story. Where He wants you to be. All of our stories are different. All of us experience life in different ways, just let God continue orchestrating it while you wait ever-so patiently for Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet. So when Prince Charming comes to sweep you off your feet, sweet sister of mine, your heart is so in tune with your FIRST LOVE's heart that He allows a new man in your life.. it will be a beautiful thing.


You made it. You read these words, do some soaking up, write some things down, process it however you chose fit, but I'd really like to hear from YOU sister. I don't give out my phone number very freely, but I have e-mail, facebook, & do enjoy sitting at coffee shops for chats.
{lefillmore@comcast.net --this goes to my phone or lindsayefillmore@gmail.com}

pieces to the puzzle..

There is this quote I saw somewhere one time by VanGogh that says, “Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together”. That’s how my God works. I feel like a lot of things in our lives {big or small} do not occur because of impulse, but by a series of small things God does in our lives.

Looking back in my life, seasons I’ve gone through, valleys I’ve been in, people I’ve met, people who were a big part of my life & aren’t anymore, experiences I’ve had, little details that I can pin point, all leading to something great in my life that God has blessed me with.

Just recently I thought I had all my ducks in a row with a couple new job opportunities. My God was for sure making all these pieces fit together perfectly for me, or so I thought! Then the last piece didn’t fit.

It was definitely a let down & made me frustrated, but I’m still looking & waiting for that last piece {patiently}.. I know my God is faithful & will bring the last piece when the time is right… …It’s frustrating, but I’m learning to keep my eyes open for pieces to the puzzle that are shaping my life right now, that are from God {what I like to call “a-God-thing”}. Collecting the pieces & holding onto them, so I can look back & see each piece taking it’s place.

Sometimes the puzzle has a lot of pieces & takes a long time to start seeing the actual picture, but other times there are puzzles that only have a few pieces & we can see the picture quickly!

Our whole life we have been and will always be putting new puzzles together but no matter how long or short the puzzle takes to take form, it’s not hard to see God’s apparent hand in each piece..

chosen...

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons {daughters} through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”

{I co-lead a small group of tenth grade girls every Wednesday with my mommy & we’re going over Ephesians this semester. So before Lighthouse I was just reading over Ephesians & writing things down & pondering the chapter.

This is just a few of the verses from Ephesians 1.. you should go read the rest of it, because it was such a perfect reminder for me tonight that the God of the universe CHOSE me. He PICKED me. He WANTED me. Before time began God thought of choosing Lindsay Erin Fillmore to be one of His own.

The reminder of that kind of took my breath away while I was reading the rest of the chapter. Because everyone wants to picked. Everyone longs to be wanted. Everyone desires to be chosen.

And HE chose me. I was adopted into His family. I belong to HIM.

Thank you LORD.}

"there are questions, there's no doubt.."

I wish I could explain more about this feeling inside of me right now! I NEVER listen to the Christian radio station around here because it's more like talk radio with too many commercials, but I was just driving (in traffic of course) and I just scanned by & heard the tail end of this song that I remember from a few years back & was listening to the lyrics & how they perfectly describe the last few weeks of my life.

The way that God sends these little reminders to us to show He's with us & remind us He's ALWAYS in control of our stories what happens next & to remind us that He knows what He's doing...and we just have to trust in Him as our stories develop more.

So here in this season of my life where more than ever I feel like I have NO IDEA what tomorrow, next week, or next month will look like, He slaps me in the face with a song full of truth & comfort reminding me that He (the Author) knows full well & that's all that matters right now, I'm just along for the ride.

{So here are the lyrics to this song by Phil Joel:}

Disappointment cuts me like a knife
But I won't be afraid
Strange operations happen all around
The audience escapes unscathed
You are my fortress in the storm
I will cling to You
Like a sailor lost in the wind
It's all about turns
Turn about face
It's all about knowing
More of Your grace
I know now
You are my sure thing

You know my heart
You know my soul
You know my comings and goings
You know it all
And I adore You
There are questions
There's no doubt
I trust You
And that matters now
I, oh, I adore You

To the prisoner inside
This mind of mine
You know
I only know so much
Still You and You
Alone have shown
The lighthouse glow
That leads me home again
'Cause You are my sure thing
I will wait for You
Every moment of this life
Journey closer to be refined
I will trust in You
Far beyond this line of sight
Journey closer to be my guide.

step by step..

IN HER HEART

A WOMAN PLANS
HER COURSE,
BUT THE LORD
DETERMINES
HER STEPS.
{proverbs sixteen:nine}

...two years of wanting to teach kindergarten to cute five year olds, I'm not feelin' it anymore, psychology is calling my name. Right when I "thought" I had everything all planned with finishing school to teach, God reminds me it's not up to me & I just have to plan as best I can with where He has me & He'll take care of the rest, even if that means changing majors half way through.

ouch..

"I can't stand your religious meetings.

I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
I want nothing to do with your religion projects,
your pretentious slogans and goals.
I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes,
your public relations and image making.
I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
When was the last time you sang to me?
Do you know what I want?
I want justice—oceans of it.
I want fairness—rivers of it.
That's what I want. That's all I want."

...amos five:twentyone-twentyfour
{the message}

Thank you C.S. Lewis...

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can't understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right & stopping the leaks in the roof & so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing & so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably & does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of -- throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.
You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come & live in it Himself."
--C.S. Lewis

{This is just what I needed these past few weeks. As much as I want control & say over what remodeling, rebuilding, & change God has planned for the "house" I live in, He has been showing me over & over again these past few weeks, that it's not up to me.

He is the one doing all the remodeling, rebuilding, & change in my life. Even though I don't know what remodeling, rebuilding, & change He is up to in my "house" right now, I'm slowly, but surely working on letting go of the expectations & control I think I have over these renovations in the "house" called l i f e... it's scary & nerve-racking, but freeing, peaceful, & comforting all at the same time to know our Creator is transforming us day by day from the inside out for His glory...}

second corinthians {four : sixteen-eighteen}

"If eyes were made for seeing..."

When I was in high school I dreaded English class because it meant having to read a book I wasn't interested in or dissecting sentences, I've become more fond of writing & English classes since then. But my all time favorite English class in high school was with Dr. Matt Watson, he made me interested in English because he knew what he was talking about unlike several English teachers I had in high school.

In his class I read the only book I enjoyed in HS, The Great Gatsby, because he analysied it in a way to keep my attention & made me think about the symbolisim and what Fitzgerald meant by adding certain things to the book.

In Watson's class we also had a huge section on Ralph Waldo Emerson & Walt Whitman and they're the only ones that really still stick out to me because they intrigued me & we watched The Dead Poet's Society & I think Dr. Watson did a pretty good job emulating Robin Williams character with his teaching styles.

But I was at the DIA for the first time in my life yesterday (I'm embarrassed though because I do love art & have lived in Detoirt for 20 years...but there's a first for everything) and I saw this quote above some artwork & fell in love with it & reminded me of how everyone should experience an English class with a Dr. Watson or a John Keating...

love, love, L o v e...

I'm not really that girl who goes ga ga over Valentines Day, I think it is something with potential of being classy & sweet that has morphed into something a little tacky & obnoxious. I worked at a Hallmark when I was in high school for a year & husbands/boyfriends definitely all wait until the last minute to get Val‘s Day cards! AND I’m NOT that girl who is going to sit at home on Valentine’s Day wallowing in self pity, because I don’t have a boyfriend or anyone to spend Valentine’s Day with, trust me!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, so what is this Valentines Day? According to the very reliable Wikipedia, St. Val’s Day is a celebration of love & affection between intimate companions...Traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines”).


That’s cute right? A day to celebrate love, with someone you love? So what if you don’t have a significant other? Who said you can’t still celebrate?

SIDE NOTE: {I’m secretly (secretly because I don’t think I come across as, but deep down inside I am) a hopeless romantic, I’m not obsessed with love but I really can’t wait until Prince Charming is in my life & he goes out of his way to buy me some beautiful flowers & wants to dress up & take me out to a nice dinner, just because he cherishes time with me on Valentines Day! (No candy, because I’m diabetic, just kidding I do love chocolate...)}

While I was thinking about the whole Valentine’s Day deal, putting heart shaped suckers, obnoxious Valentine’s stuffed animals, overpriced Hallmark cards, sappy love songs, & dreaming of Prince Charming aside, this year I want to celebrate Valentine’s Day with a perfect Man! Who has been after my heart since before I was born. Who desires to be my Lover. Who is jealous for me. And wants me to spend time with Him, falling more & more in love with Him.

I wish I could drill this TRUTH into the heads & hearts of EVERY single girl in the world who thinks she needs to find her confidence or significance in having a boy/guy/man by her side who “loves” her. Being able to rest on the fact that God is the perfect Lover for YOU should be comfort enough to know that as your Lover, He has what’s best for you in mind, and wants you to have the desires of your heart. And that if He wants you to be with Prince Charming someday, that He will bring him into your life EXACTLY when the time is right.

God is perfect & his timing is perfect. So we wait in patience, for His timing, not being anxious, not wallowing in self-pity, or wasting our life on “what could be”. Instead we look to the sky with our eyes wide for opportunities to grow closer to Him & chances to serve Him while we wait for Him to reveal, page by page the Love Story that He’s writing for us...

HOW GREAT IS THE LOVE THAT THE FATHER HAS LAVISHED ON US.
(first john three:one)

[there is no one higher
no one greater
no one like our God.

there is none more able
Christ our Savior
great and glorious.]

...I first heard these words over the summer at a youth conference & was very disapointed when I got home that I couldn't get my hands on it for my iTunes. I still haven't gotten my hands on it, but we sang it tonight at Lighthouse.. it was definitely one of the highlights of my night.

rain at night & God's goodness...

rain at n i g h t...
I do love the sound of rain hitting the window at night, but in December!? I know I'll regret this once the snow is still on the ground come April, but I am actually anticipating the snow right now, I can't really get into the Christmas mood without it I guess...

Gods g o o d n e s s...
I don't understand & can't comprehend why He wants the best for me & delights in me, when I put Him on the back burner so often & don't fully rely on Him!? Everything this week that I thought was horrible and made me stressed out and made me want to drop out of school all came together and worked out and got all complete. And I was totally encouraged by a random girl in one of my classes today! Thanks for being so good to me even when I REALLY don't deserve it God..

{Praise the LORD,
for the LORD is good;
sing praise to his name, for that is pleasant}
psalm 135:3

. . . . . .

*PS I was in Nashville last week... it made me want to move there even more than I wanted to before!

how HE loves ME...

...WE ARE HIS PORTION & HE IS OUR PRIZE, DRAWN TO REDEMPTION BY THE GRACE IN HIS EYES. IF GRACE IS AN OCEAN, WE'RE ALL SINKING. SO HEAVEN MEETS EARTH LIKE AN UNFORESEEN KISS & MY HEART TURNS VIOLENTLY INSIDE OF MY CHEST. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO MAINTAIN ALL THESE REGRETS WHEN I THINK OF THE WAY HE LOVES US.

Psalm 130...

As much as I cannot wait until Christmastime, Autumn is still one of my favorites. I think that this passage from Psalms would sum up my Autumn thus far. I feel like I have been "waiting" for something. Starting in late August up until just recently I felt like God was up to "something", in my life, He for sure had something up His sleeve for me for this fall. I had no clue what, who, when, or where this "something" would occur. And being the selfish human being that I am, all along I had felt like it would be some fortunate event that would happen in my life during this season, but with the season quickly coming and going, I've found myself still waiting...

I had felt an excitement & giddy-ness about "it", which is weird for me, because I tend to hate surprises & always like to know details of what is going on, & it is (and probably always will be) hard for me to surrender all the details of my life to God, and give up control & any idea in my mind that I have, that I am entitled to knowing what the God of the universe wants for me & has in store for me. (Lindsay, why don't you just trust in Me 100% and know, full well that I have planned what is best for you? --God).

So recently that "it" has been hitting me like a train. Totally unexpectedly and not about me at all, but about God using me (for reasons I can't understand! in someone else life. And looking back over the last three months or so, seeing EVERY detail (big and small) that God has been working out is crazy! From people coming or going in my life, certain connections, different verses I've come across, and even some song lyrics.. its crazy.

Emotionally, I really don't think I was ready for "it", but spiritually, I had never been so sure of anything in my life, and knew full well, that these events were the "it" that God had laid on my heart at the beginning of this season of my life. And I know I sound like a crazy person right now, but I'm just trying to convey how God really does move in a mysterious way & even when we don't think we know what we are doing, or why He is using us for something, He is faithful & pulls us through.

I've kept a pretty faithful journal since middle school, and I don't think in all of those years I've ever written so many prayers to God and pleas for help & guidence as I have in the last few weeks. I feel like thats my way of talking to God, writing out prayers to Him, and now I just pretty much summed it all up into a [short] blog entry... whew.

P.S. I really don't know if any of this makes sense? But I keep a blog, for myself, although I keep a hand written journal, sometimes typing things out, helps me more. I really don't know if anyone reads this, but I don't really mind, like I said, I do it for my own therapy sometimes (talking to myself...) Well I hope & pray, somehow, someway, anyone who comes across this, can relate any of these words to something in their own life & be encouraged by it.

..lef

¹ Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;

² O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

³ If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?

⁴ But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

⁵ I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

⁶ My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,

⁷ O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

⁸ He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.