"there are questions, there's no doubt.."

I wish I could explain more about this feeling inside of me right now! I NEVER listen to the Christian radio station around here because it's more like talk radio with too many commercials, but I was just driving (in traffic of course) and I just scanned by & heard the tail end of this song that I remember from a few years back & was listening to the lyrics & how they perfectly describe the last few weeks of my life.

The way that God sends these little reminders to us to show He's with us & remind us He's ALWAYS in control of our stories what happens next & to remind us that He knows what He's doing...and we just have to trust in Him as our stories develop more.

So here in this season of my life where more than ever I feel like I have NO IDEA what tomorrow, next week, or next month will look like, He slaps me in the face with a song full of truth & comfort reminding me that He (the Author) knows full well & that's all that matters right now, I'm just along for the ride.

{So here are the lyrics to this song by Phil Joel:}

Disappointment cuts me like a knife
But I won't be afraid
Strange operations happen all around
The audience escapes unscathed
You are my fortress in the storm
I will cling to You
Like a sailor lost in the wind
It's all about turns
Turn about face
It's all about knowing
More of Your grace
I know now
You are my sure thing

You know my heart
You know my soul
You know my comings and goings
You know it all
And I adore You
There are questions
There's no doubt
I trust You
And that matters now
I, oh, I adore You

To the prisoner inside
This mind of mine
You know
I only know so much
Still You and You
Alone have shown
The lighthouse glow
That leads me home again
'Cause You are my sure thing
I will wait for You
Every moment of this life
Journey closer to be refined
I will trust in You
Far beyond this line of sight
Journey closer to be my guide.

love you now...

I've had a mad girl crush on Madi Diaz for a while, but after I saw her at the end of August, I fell more in love with her & wish I could play guitar, sing, & write music like her.. her song Let's Go is on my fall play list so I've been listening to her a lot the last few days, love love love.

enjoy a little Madi..

autumn tunes..

Happy first day of fall, harvest, autumn friends... this is a very fall-esque play list for your ears to enjoy, or at least for my ears to enjoy for the next few months of crisp weather, earth tones, apples, pumpkin spice latte's, & falling leaves...

{these songs aren't necessarily "new" songs, but definitely worthy of being listened to on a crisp-fall day while sipping a pumpkin spice latte on your way to the apple orchard..and I started with just ten songs, then added a few more & had an OCD moment & couldn't leave the list at 13 or 17.. so 20 it is.}

1. On My Way Back Home, Band of Horses
2. Lay Down In Your Fields, Griffin House
3. I Have Nothing, Noah & the Whale
4. Wide Eyes, Local Natives
5. Don't I Hold You, Wheat
6. Electrocution & Laughter, Jeremy Lister
7. Young Friend, Brooke Waggoner
8. Comin' Home, CIty & Colour
9. Last Time, Paper Route
10. Your Side Now, Trent Dabbs
11. Deciphering Me, Brooke Fraser
12. The World at Large, Modest Mouse
13. Elements, A Fine Frenzy
14. Let's Go, Madi Diaz
15. Your Ghost, Greg Laswell
16. Decisions, How to Dress Well
17. Your Protector, Fleet Foxes
18. Blood Bank, Bon Iver
19. Reach, Andrew Belle
20. Go Do, Jónsi
*enjoy..

{artwork: Samantha Rose}

right this second..

right this second...

I should be reading or studying.

I'm listening to On My Way Back Home by Band of Horses.

I'm contemplating putting socks on because my feet are freezing.

I'm smiling because of how great God is & how much He's been teaching me in the past week.

I'm thinking about these "five words" that a friend of mine asked my sister & I to describe the two weeks since we had seen him last & we came up with: busy, work, school, ministry, excited. I think those nailed it for the last two weeks of my life.

I could lay in my bed & sleep until noon tomorrow.

I'm thinking of colossians three:twelve-seventeen.

I just remembered that BoH is going to be in Detroit in October & I should really go see them.

I'm anxiously waiting for the last two pages of my journal to fill up so I can start this new one I got last week.

autumn fallin' from trees...

look what I found today... love love love.

{photo credit: the twin}

step by step..

IN HER HEART

A WOMAN PLANS
HER COURSE,
BUT THE LORD
DETERMINES
HER STEPS.
{proverbs sixteen:nine}

...two years of wanting to teach kindergarten to cute five year olds, I'm not feelin' it anymore, psychology is calling my name. Right when I "thought" I had everything all planned with finishing school to teach, God reminds me it's not up to me & I just have to plan as best I can with where He has me & He'll take care of the rest, even if that means changing majors half way through.

playing grown up...

Recently I remembered the slogan for Toys R Us that says: "I don't want to grow up, I want to be a Toys R Us kid!"

This week more than ever, time & time again I've had that feeling. I don't want to grow up. A few weeks ago I turned 21 & when I was younger 20+ sounded SO old! I don't feel that old, even though I have some "grown up" responsibilities that I have to deal with in this season of my life, I'm still young.

Sometimes I try to pretend to be a girl version of Peter Pan & that my bank account will just put money in on its own, my diabetic related stuff would deal with themselves, my car would fix itself, or my college credits would turn into a degree with recess & snack time... then I open my eyes & that's not the case! Being somewhat "grown up" means I need a job to support myself, I need to take care of my medical stuff, I need to go to school to get a degree, to get a better job...etc.
So now I'm just finishing one of my favorite Disney movies: Beauty & the Beast. And it's reminding me of rainy afternoons with my sisters in the family room of our childhood home, with thick, dark, blue carpet, watching Beauty & the Beast, & eating granola bars. Those were the days. I have very fond childhood memories & remember wanting to "be a grown up", so here I am starting my adult life & longing for my childhood: the easy, play dates, stress free, pretend, playhouse days.
BUT on the contrary there are days I feel like a "real adult" {whatever that really entails} when I have to take care of important things, pay my insurance bills, fill out paper work, get up early on my day off to cross things off my list, be responsible, whatever it is, is when I feel like I'm "playing grown-up", {check out Brooke's blog about playing grown up!!} because I'm not 100% independent. I live back at my parents house, I'm not married like my mom was when she was 21, I don't own a home, pay taxes, have to grocery shop (anymore..), I have it pretty easy {in the grand scheme of things, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like that!}, therefore I feel like I'm just pretending.
Someday, perhaps I'll feel like a true "grown up", until then I'll just finish watching Beauty & the Beast & sleep in tomorrow morning..

ouch..

"I can't stand your religious meetings.

I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
I want nothing to do with your religion projects,
your pretentious slogans and goals.
I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes,
your public relations and image making.
I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
When was the last time you sang to me?
Do you know what I want?
I want justice—oceans of it.
I want fairness—rivers of it.
That's what I want. That's all I want."

...amos five:twentyone-twentyfour
{the message}

craving some fall...

Fall, is my favorite season, I love spring, summer, & winter (sometimes) but fall, is my all time fave. I think the mid-west does fall best & I think growing up with Michigan falls {cider mills, apple orchards, pumpkin patches, pretty leaves..} is why I like it. Although fall technically isn't until September 22nd, I feel like it starts once Labor Day comes around & school starts. I already started school & it's Labor Day weekend, so bring on fall!

{I love my summer, warm weather, (some) time off, being tan, going to the beach, sun dresses, but I'm ready for the cooler weather.}

Today was the almost perfect Saturday. I slept in a little, I bummed around Arts, Beats, & Eats with my sisters for a while, had my first pumpkin spice latte from the bucks, I wore my favorite sweater & wasn't too hot, I played my guitar for a little while to some Band of Horses songs {good fall music if you're looking for something to get into fall mode.} (which are pretty easy to strum & sing to, which makes me happy!), went on a bike ride date with my youngest brother to get ice cream, bought a new dress & tunic from Lost & Found which can be worn during fall with boots, & gathered some of my favorite things about fall...

1.) apple orchards
{my family for every year since I can remember has gone to Erwin's Apple Orchard to pick apples & pumpkins.. always a good time, always a good memory.}
2.) crunchy leaves
{sometimes I go out of my way to step on crunchy leaves.. and although I have bad memories of having to help my dad rack our mammoth backyard growing up, I still love crunchy leaves on the ground.}
3.) pumpkin spice latte's
{only enjoyable on a fall-esque day, nice & hot.}
4.) scarves
{thick knit scarves, or light weight lose fitting scarves, always my favorite.}
5.) earth tones
{I think I like earth tones all year round, but they are more fun during the fall to wear & fit in with the colors outside, I've been to a few fall weddings & think earth tones are ideal for weddings.}
6.) school supplies
{perhaps this is why I want to be a teacher...}
7.) boots
{not thick winter boots or rain boots, cute ankle-knee high boots, with a pair of skinny jeans or a dress.}
8.) cider mills
{doughnuts & hot cider.}
9.) franklin, tn
{fall time in the south is a little warmer & seems to go into at least December, but not just Franklin but the surrounding areas are pretty great to drive through when the leaves are changing colors.}
10.) bon fires
{a way to actually keep warm unlike bon fires during the summer..}

*happy {early} fall