short & sweet..

my appointment went a ten times better than i thought it would.

[sigh of relief...]

i am done with school. tomorrow.

[load off of my shoulders...]

i really do wish i knew how to play the cello.

[maybe i should get guitar down first...]

the weather is finally making me excited, not sad & depressed.

[smile on my face...]

my God is unfailing & His love is unending. i am glad i am His.

[even though i don't deserve Him...]

hold it in, hold it in, hold it in...

i have that feeling in the back of my throat. nervousness. fear. a good cry could come any minute. as much as i would love to lock myself in my room & let out a good cry for a while, i'm holding it in (saving it for later i guess..?). i'm so nervous right now i don't think i've ever felt this nervous about anything before.

i have to go see my pediatric endocrinologist tomorrow, the same doctor i first saw when i was diagnosed with diabetes, the same doctor my mom switched me from because of how harsh he is, and because he has done a good job several times at making me break down in tears in his office a time or two over the years.

even though i should be happy because its the last time i'll ever have to go see him, i am dreading going to see him tomorrow because over the last year or so i have not proven to be "diabetic of the year" and i know it, i'm pretty sure he will let me know that tomorrow.

i think that i am nevous for several reasons. one, because i know i haven't done my best to take care of myself for the last year or so, two because i know i am a sensitive person and know that it doesn't take much for me to get my feelings hurt from something especially when i know everything my docotor will tell me tomorrow is true, three because i know how my health right now is and will affect/ing me in the future if i don't take care of it now...

obviously this is just me building up ideas of what could go down tomorrow at my appointment, instead of thinking the best of the situcation, but this is really nerve racking for me, and even though i know it will probably be the appointment i need to help me the most.

psalm fifty-six:three.

w o r s h i p GOD...

Wor·ship·ing: verb show reverence and adoration for (a deity); honor with religious rites...
Ad⋅o⋅ra⋅tion: noun the act of paying honor, as to a divine being; worship.

I realize that as a Christian I can worship my Creator through everything in my life. I think that I connect with my Creator a lot though, through musical worship. That is why Hillsong DVD's make me smile, Lighthouse makes me excited, & my worship playlist(s) on iTunes make my ears feel good...

So I am watching the This Is Our God DVD from Hillsong with my twin. I have watched it several times but, typically I play it while I am doing something else and not actually watch it, or just listen to it. I just watched it. Start to finish (even the twenty some minute long ending of "With Everything"). I watched the people in the DVD, worship God. I watched the people on stage, worship God. I watched the people in the DVD, cry out & raise their hands in surrender to God

As much as I love being a in the audience in corporate (musical) worship, I do love to watch people worship God (in a non-creepy way of course). This is what I love about it...

1. People raising their hands in surrender to our God.
2. People freely worshiping God.
3. People crying out to God.
4. People closing their eyes to keep from distraction or in prayer to our God.
5. People talking to God.
6. People on their knees before our King...

....

¹ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

² Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs

--Psalm 100:1 & 2

"We bow our hearts, we lift our hands
we turn our eyes to You again
And we surrender to the truth
that all we need is found in You
Receive our adoration Jesus Lamb of God
Receive our adoration, how wonderful You are..."

--Adoration, Brenton Brown.

*celebrate His death & rising...

Chris has died & Christ is risen,
Christ will come again..
.Celebrate his d e a t h and r i s i n g
Lift your eyes, proclaim his coming
Celebrate his d e a t h and r i s i n g
Lift you eyes, lift your eyes . .

--Charlie Hall, Mystery.

*psalm 37:3-7ish...

Trust in the LORD and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him...