I JUST WANT TO FALL MORE & MORE & MORE & MORE IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN, THAT IS PURSUING ME, WAITING FOR ME, AND LONGING FOR ME TO RUN INTO HIS ARMS.
I WANT TO SEE HIM IN EVERYTHING I DO, SEE HIM EVERYWHERE I GO.
I WANT TO HAVE DATES WITH HIM, SPEND MORE QUALITY TIME WITH HIM.
I WANT TO RELY ON HIM FOR ANYTHING & EVERYTHING.
I WANT TO PLACE ALL OF MY TRUST, HOPE, & FAITH IN HIM ONLY.
I WANT TO WORSHIP HIM, EVERYDAY.
I WANT TO GET TO REALLY KNOW HIM.
I WANT TO BE MORE LIKE HIM.
I WANT TO JUST GET EXCITED WHEN I HEAR HIS NAME OR I HEAR SOMEONE TALK ABOUT HIM.
I WANT TO FALL ON MY FACE IN FRONT OF HIM IN PRAISE FOR ALL THAT HE HAS DONE & IS GOING TO DO IN MY LIFE.
it is so strange to me that i have grown up in the church, sunday morning, sunday night, wednesday night, vbs, camp, retreats, missions trips...
and i am just coming to that realization that HE really is all i need. HE really is madly in love with me. HE really does want me to hang out with him. HE really does want me to talk to him the moment i wake up in the morning. HE does want me to run to him. HE does want me to love him with all that is inside of me.
it just kills me that all along i have know these truths, i just have not acted upon them.
i want my relationship with HIM to be real, genuine, & authentic. i don't want it to be a sunday thing or a wednesday night thing. i want it to be an everyday thing.
i am so thankful for HIS mercy, HIS grace, HIS patience with me.
i feel like since about june (july maybe) i have been doing all that i can to try to keep up with my devos, talk to HIM more, grow closer to HIM, and get to realllly know HIM. then once school started in the fall i just got frustrated and gave up much to easily, and inside knew that i was not where i wanted to be in my relationship with HIM, but would still wear this mask that i had everything together, and that i was head over heals for HIM. but really deep down inside i was waiting for this. tonight was the night. it finally clicking, that i do desire to run to HIM & desire to really fall in love with HIM.
although i have known about HIM since i can remember, i just never grasped the desire to cling to HIM in every area of my life. i feel like it has taken me the last nineteen years of growing up in a christian home to fully understand and grasp the concept that HE is who HE is. HE is really sitting here with me.
i guess it has just taken this long, because my eyes have been not as open as they could have been. and that is why i am so thankful for HIS grace & HIS mercy, because HE has been waiting for me. patiently. even though i have spent so many years hearing HIM call my name, and not responding. well i'm done with that. i'm done with ignoring HIM.
i know its not going to be, and no one ever said it would be easy, but i don't want to go another day without talking to HIM, spending time with HIM. but i dont want to give up like i have in the past, give up spending time with HIM, or talking to HIM, i just want to do it.
it makes my heart sad that it has taken me so long to realize how real this true love really is. but it makes me smile that i am starting to grasp and fully understand how much HE really has done for me and how much i have neglected and not attended to my relationship with HIM.
but with HIM there are second, third, fourth, one-hundredth, chances that each time i get away from HIM, HE just whispers in my ear, for me to come back to HIM, because i am nothing without HIM, and i deserve to do nothing other than praise & worship HIM for all that HE has done for me, to live freely.
just from writing this, makes me feel so free. makes me feel like i want to just talk to HIM for the rest of the night & thank HIM for everything that HE is doing in me right now.
"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOU
LIKE YOU'RE NOT IN THE ROOM
I WANT TO LOOK RIGHT AT YOU
I WANT TO SING RIGHT TO YOU"
-you won't relent, chris quilala & kim walker.
"YOU", "HE", "HIM", "TRUE LOVE".
my GOD. my JESUS. my FATHER. my LOVER.
all i need.