Intrigued..

{I love words. I love thesaurus'. I love the word intrigue: verb- arouse the curiosity or interest of; fascinate}

I'm intrigued by a lot of things, but one thing that has & probably will always intrigue me is, ballet. Ballerinas. Ballet slippers. Tutu's. Toe shoes. Pointe. Barres. Everything. I love it.

I really can't imagine myself as a ballerina right now just because I am the most inflexible person in the world & can not dance gracefully to save my life! I'm sure if I would have stayed in Miss Michelle's ballet class there could have been hope, but it's hard to imagine!


For a short (very short!) time in my childhood I took a ballet at Fifth Position Dance Center. Miss Michelle was my teacher, we danced across the room to old, classical, scratchy, music on vinyl, for our recital we wore bumble bee tutu's, my favorite two books growing up (maybe still are, don't tell anyone though) were/are "Nina, Nina Ballerina" & "Dance Tanya Dance", & one day if I have a daughter named Gloria Jean (or Norah Jones) of course, I want to enroll her in ballet class & live a ballerina life vicariously through her.


I don't know what it is about ballerinas or ballet in general that I love, but it simply intrigues me & makes me smile. It's graceful, elegant, & lovely. It was a highlight of my winter last year to see the Nutcracker with my Babes... someday I will go see more live ballet!


Even if I'm not a ballerina, I still like to watch them move gracefully across a stage, look at pictures of them, & imitate their elegance.

{check out the ballet project..}

I'm back...

I gave the tumlr. world a whirl... it has it's pros & cons, but I think I like blogger better. I will probably just post pictures & music on there, it's just easier to write on here..

pieces to the puzzle..

There is this quote I saw somewhere one time by VanGogh that says, “Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together”. That’s how my God works. I feel like a lot of things in our lives {big or small} do not occur because of impulse, but by a series of small things God does in our lives.

Looking back in my life, seasons I’ve gone through, valleys I’ve been in, people I’ve met, people who were a big part of my life & aren’t anymore, experiences I’ve had, little details that I can pin point, all leading to something great in my life that God has blessed me with.

Just recently I thought I had all my ducks in a row with a couple new job opportunities. My God was for sure making all these pieces fit together perfectly for me, or so I thought! Then the last piece didn’t fit.

It was definitely a let down & made me frustrated, but I’m still looking & waiting for that last piece {patiently}.. I know my God is faithful & will bring the last piece when the time is right… …It’s frustrating, but I’m learning to keep my eyes open for pieces to the puzzle that are shaping my life right now, that are from God {what I like to call “a-God-thing”}. Collecting the pieces & holding onto them, so I can look back & see each piece taking it’s place.

Sometimes the puzzle has a lot of pieces & takes a long time to start seeing the actual picture, but other times there are puzzles that only have a few pieces & we can see the picture quickly!

Our whole life we have been and will always be putting new puzzles together but no matter how long or short the puzzle takes to take form, it’s not hard to see God’s apparent hand in each piece..

alskdfj...

CAN I RAMBLE FOR A SECOND..OR TWO?

OF COURSE I CAN..SO HERE I GO.

IF YOU COULD ONLY UNDERSTAND THE AWE & MARVEL I HAVE BEEN IN OF MY GOD THE PAST FEW DAYS.

HONESTLY, MORE THAN ever. EVER. REALLY. HE IS JUST REVEALING SO MUCH TO ME & TEACHING ME SO MUCH RIGHT NOW, IT’S LEAVING ME AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.

{it’s not like I didn’t recognize His greatness, wonder, & mystery before, but it’s slapping me in the face these past few days!}

THE MONTH OF OCTOBER HAS BEEN KIND OF A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS, TOO MANY BUILT UP EXPECTATIONS, GOOD, BAD, UGLY, UPS & DOWNS, BROKENNESS, HURT, HAPPINESS, JOY.. AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

AND WHEN USUALLY MY HEART JUST GOES THROUGH THE MOTIONS & IN A WAY “COPES” WITH {whatever IT is} IN A WAY, MY GOD IS SHOWING ME THAT THESE THINGS HAPPEN.

THINGS COME & GO, BROKENNESS IS REAL, HURT IS REAL, BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL. FAITHFUL. FAITHFUL.

SO HE IS FAITHFUL, I KNOW THIS, BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT I LIVE IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD. BROKENNESS, HURT, LET DOWNS, & EVERYTHING ELSE HAPPEN AS A RESULT. THIS WORLD WILL ALWAYS LET ME DOWN.

IT’S THROUGH & IN THESE SEASONS OR VALLEY’S THAT HE IS PULLING US {ME} CLOSER TO HIM. EVEN WHEN I FEEL HOPELESS, BROKEN, PAIN, OR DESPAIR, AND TRY TO COVER IT UP WITH FALSE HOPE, OR A FAKE SMILE, HE IS WORKING TO SHOW HIMSELF TO ME & SHOW ME HIS GLORY, HIS HOPE, & HOW MUCH I NEED HIM.

SHOWING ME HOW LITTLE I AM & HOW GREAT HE IS.

SHOWING ME HOW I CAN PLAN ALL I WANT BUT HE ALREADY HAS MY LIFE MAPPED OUT. RIGHT WHEN I HAVE “ALL MY DUCKS IN A ROW” HE COMES & REARRANGES THINGS.

I CAN HOPE IN THIS OR THAT, BUT ONLY HE REMAINS.

HE’S THE PROVIDER.

HE'S THE HEALER.

HE’S THE ONLY ONE/THING THAT CAN FILL MY EMPTINESS.

HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN RESTORE.

HE’S THE ONE I’M IN SERIOUS AWE OF.

FROM HIM & THROUGH HIM & TO HIM ARE ALL THINGS. TO HIM BE THE GLROY. FOREVER.

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, CREATIVE, GRACIOUS, LOVING, MYSTERIOUS GOD HE IS.

LEAVES ME SPEECHLESS & IN WONDER & AMAZEMENT THAT I CAN’T WRAP MY MIND AROUND…

{who knows if any of this makes sense or if it’s just a bunch of words thrown together, but i don’t care, all I know is my God is moving & leaving me excited & wondering at His mystery.}

hope{s}...

Why does God let us get our hopes up then He doesn’t cater to whatever it is we had hoped for? Is He trying to makes us feel frustrated or hopeless?

{HE will never leave us or forsake us..}

Just because He doesn’t deliver {what it is we had hoped for} doesn’t mean He’s giving up or neglecting what we need. He’s God. He knows what is best for us. He’s preparing our lives according to the plans He already has written for us.

It’s just not His timing.
Not His plan.
He has a different direction to take us in.
He has something new for us to discover.
He wants me to rely on Him more.
He wants me to be content with the wait-and-see*.
He doesn’t want my hope in anything else but Him.
He wants to bring me closer to Him.
He wants to bring me to my knees.
It’s working. He’s working.
I like it.

{*side note: one of my favorite movie quotes (from Elizabethtown of course..) is “It was sort of a wait-and-see… then I waited & I saw” }

…philippians three:twelve-sixteen, the message.

chosen...

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons {daughters} through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”

{I co-lead a small group of tenth grade girls every Wednesday with my mommy & we’re going over Ephesians this semester. So before Lighthouse I was just reading over Ephesians & writing things down & pondering the chapter.

This is just a few of the verses from Ephesians 1.. you should go read the rest of it, because it was such a perfect reminder for me tonight that the God of the universe CHOSE me. He PICKED me. He WANTED me. Before time began God thought of choosing Lindsay Erin Fillmore to be one of His own.

The reminder of that kind of took my breath away while I was reading the rest of the chapter. Because everyone wants to picked. Everyone longs to be wanted. Everyone desires to be chosen.

And HE chose me. I was adopted into His family. I belong to HIM.

Thank you LORD.}

out with the old..

I have a new friend..

{picture: link to tumblr}