Friday, August 27, 2010

sleeping sickness..

I have this bad habit of staying up *way* too late on nights when I don't have anything to do the next morning.. then dread staying up *this* late on nights I have loads of homework to do or a paper to write.

So I typed "sleep" into my iTunes search bar to see what I could find.. in hopes that something would help me drift into dreamland. These are all the titles that had sleep, sleepless, asleep, sleeping, or sleepers in them:
  1. Have You Fallen Asleep, Paper Route
  2. Half Asleep, School of Seven Bells
  3. I Can't Sleep, The Hard Lessons
  4. Sleeping Sickness, City & Colour
  5. Sleep, Copeland
  6. How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep, Bombay Bicycle Club
  7. Go To Sleep, Lupe Fiasco {I guess this song didn't come out on iTunes yet? Thanks RCRD LBL}
  8. Sleep Well, Lydia
  9. Trouble Sleeping, The Perishers
  10. Sleepers, Seven Places
  11. Sleepyhead, Passion Pit
  12. I Never Get Much Sleep On Weekdays, Mikrofisch
  13. If This City Never Sleeps, Rosie Thomas
  14. Sing You To Sleep, Paper Route
  15. Sleepless, Until June
  16. If You Can't Sleep, She & Him
  17. Go To Sleep, The Avett Brothers
  18. Sleepless, The Decemberists

Monday, August 23, 2010

Someone wrote a book about me!

There is this on-going book that I'm the main character in, it goes something like this:

Author: God.
Title: Lindsay E. Fillmore, August 15th, 1989.
Chapters: 1-20(+), years I've been the main character of a book, chapter 21 just started.
Sub chapters: seasons of life thus far, the good, the bad, the ugly, & everything in between.
Pages: everyday I've breathed life here on earth.
Words: actions, situations, stories, detail of my day-to-day life, {people, places, things}.

When it comes to actually reading, I'm that person who will read the last chapter before I even get to chapter two because I like to know what to expect & predict what will happen next. (I'm like that with movies too, I like to know how the movie ends before I see it..)

It's kind of hard to be a main character that wants to know how the book ends. Because even though I have a big part in it, I'm not the Writer of it, if it was turned into a movie I still wouldn't know how ends either.

The Writer already has every word, page, & chapter written for me, but with my eagerness to know what is going to happen in the next few pages it loosens my grip of faith in the Author's direction of where He wants the story to go. I fill my mind up & talk to the Author & say things like:

"This should happen. That should happen. This is where "Lindsay" should be in the next few pages. This is what she should be doing. This is who she should be talking to in this scene."

Even though I'm the main character, I'm not the Author.

{YOUR eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in YOUR book before one of them came to be...}

So although I trust & have 110% faith in the fact that the Author has all my pages already written & I just have to sit back & wait to read what happens next it's definitely one of the things I struggle with letting control of!

BUT..these past few days I feel like I've been uncovering a little bit of what the next few pages

{contentment: –noun
1. the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind.}

I love words. I love when certain words describe exactly what's going on in my head & this word, has been one of those words last night & today.

July & early August were NOT pages in my book that contained contentment by any means. More like frustration, anger, jealousy, & dissatisfaction .

But my heavy heart the past few weeks has soften heaps & has been feeling this contentment the last few days & the feeling that I'm exactly where the Writer wants me to be for the beginning of this new chapter of my book.

That the Writer is using me right where He has me at this very minute. And even though I like to know the next page of a book before I read it.. He's showing me lately that because I can't know what happens next that He is writing my character to do exactly what He wants her do & using her right where she's at.'s to the beginning of Chapter 21

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

three words..

I saw Eat. Pray. Love. this past weekend & naturally it made me want to travel, eat, do yoga, & fall in love. Then I was talking to my Lisa {a.k.a. my muma} about it & she made me start thinking about what three words reflect me: Lindsay Erin Fillmore. In the movie/book Liz's words are Eat. Pray. Love. {obviously} so now I'm on a hunt for my
t h r e e w o r d s.

{...and now I want to read this book, so now I have two books to read!? We'll see how that works out.}

Saturday, August 14, 2010

I left a part of me in Detroit..

I don't know the total count of students & leaders that we had on this trip but I would say roughly 120 all together slept, lived, ate, worked, & worshiped together for a week at the Warren campus & in four different locations around downtown Detroit doing various projects, VBS, day camps, block parties, yard work, painting, garbage picking, relationship building, & anything else under the sun that we could find to do to spread the love and we called it: CitiWeek.
The whole week in general was beyond my expectations. To be honest I went into the whole trip kind of nervous & feeling very unprepared. I think because I wasn't going more than 30 minutes from home I let my procrastination & laziness get to me the week/end before the trip get to me & I waited until the very last minute to do everything. I also felt like I was going into it not knowing any of the students in my group! The week before we left I was switched form one group to another, but God showed me again & again all week how He makes every little detail work out, even if it's not how we intended it to! It was sweet to get to know a whole slew of high schoolers who I didn't know or know very well when the week started! {Faygo for life.}{THIS is just how I organize my thoughts by day, so it's kind of long.. :)}

{Day One} Youth for Christ & Heidelberg...
We traveled into the city of Detroit and made our way to Youth for Christ to do some work projects. Despite the outrageous humidity our group worked SO hard sweaty & hot all day & did so great getting so much done on just the first day. We worked for a few hours in the morning organizing things inside the YfC building, doing yard work outside, & pulling debris out of a huge mass from an ancient garage that had collapsed in on itself, then we headed to Heidleberg for a break/lunch.
{My sister Brittany met up with us there, and we found it interesting that every time we go there it is always kind of gloomy & cloudy outside...}
Post lunch we worked more on getting rid of the mass of rotted wood, a few walls, glass, other random treasures that we found amongst the rumble. It was a hot & sweaty day for sure but the little drops of rain in the afternoon helped cool things off & being able to take a shower before dinner wasn't bad either! We had a sweet time of worship at the church that night & got to share about our first day in the city, it was a good way to end the first day of work!

{Day Two} The day that I think brought the most JOY to my heart..
We started the morning off a little later than the others & went over to the train station to explore, talk about Nehemiah & eat some lunch before we went over to Open Door Rescue Mission. I had always heard good things about Open Door so I was excited to go serve there but didn't really know what to expect. They gave us a little tour & history of the mission, and we helped get things ready for the Forgotten Harvest truck to arrive.

{A woman who volunteers a lot of her time at ODRM is a member at the Warren campus & suggested to Matt that we have the students mingle with the people waiting outside to get in & take down prayer requests & pray with them. Honestly I was expecting the worst, that we would have to force our team to go for it... but I was definitely expecting the wrong thing because even though it may have been totally out of their comfort zone, they ALL went for it! And eagerly met and prayed with so many of the people waiting outside, it was awesome! It was just the beginning of joy that started to fill me up while we were there!}

Then it all happened quickly that we had to jump into action & get organized to start serving, so it was for sure all hands on deck & once again I just had to smile to myself seeing how hard everyone on our team worked! Everyone was doing this or that helping to get things ready to roll! Once everything was ready & sorted a line of people started to form to start coming through the line of tables filled with all sorts of food. We had some of us standing behind the tables explaining how much of what was to be taken and kind of directing traffic, some of the students were handing out bagels on the way out, some students were playing some music, & it was just a sight to see.
Another aspect of the joy that I felt during this afternoon was that my dad, older sister, & youngest brother were all there with me! At some points I felt like I was going to start chocking up & fighting back tears because of how I blessed I felt to have the chance to serve less fortunate people with my family around me helping too. Not every 10 year old joyfully helps serve the people of Detroit everyday.

All in all the whole scene just made me smile.

Later that night we all headed back into the city after dinner to hand out free water & pop around Comerica Park before the Tigers game & then had a good time hanging out at the game, even thought the Tigs lost..

...and we all had these "Hope for Detroit" shirts on.. some people at the game agreed with our shirts, some didn't. It makes me sad that people that live in the city don't even believe there is hope for their city. That's why we have to take baby steps to spread the hope for a broken city.

{Day Three}

We headed back to YFC to finish moving all the debris from the old garage into a dumpster & finish clearing the area. Since the team we had was amazing & the hardest workers from the whole trip we got that done pretty quickly & again had nothing but sweat & dirt dripping off our bodies & dirt under out nails when we were done.
Then we had lunch on Belle Isle & used the afternoon to explore & see a new part of the city for a lot of our team which was kind of cool. We just ate & relaxed for a while looking over at the city..
That night we got to go visit Brittany's Palace over on Second & have dinner & hang out with each other for a few hours for dinner!
It included fajitas, eating outside, enjoying each others company, & a large game of tag.

Then we all went over to Metro Church where one of the other CItiWeek groups was working all week for a Wednesday night church service. It was cool to see what the other group had been doing all week with a block party earlier that day & getting to sing crazy songs & meet some cute kids! It was fun to hear my brother talk about Nehemiah in front of everyone too. Love that kid. Love seeing him serve other people too.

The crazy night ended with a couple trips to Meijer, McDonalds, & Speedway & most of the group being awake until 3AM. (It has to happen on a missions trip...)

{Day Four}
Our group went on a tour of the Renaissance Center downtown in the morning. I've never been inside before but am always intrigued by the building when I'm downtown! So it was cool to see this city inside a city but a little weird to feel like a tourist only 30 minutes from my house. It was fun though & cool to see the city from the sky.

We stayed there for most of the morning & then headed to YFC to put the finishing touches on the work we had been doing. All while clearing out weeds, cement blocks, bricks, & some old lawn mowers from a side yard, & getting some minor cuts & scraps we left that place looking pretty great & clean.
It was sad in a way to me that our group really only worked with other people once during the week & were just by ourselves the rest of the time working at YfC and that we didn't really get to form any relationships with new people in the city, but I just had to keep reminding myself that even if we couldn't physically see the outcome of our labor now, that the work we did at YFC is just a step closer to helping them progress in their ministry!

{STORY: A way that God totally was protecting us while we were downtown was that on Tuesday while we were at Open Door, and not at YFC some of the people from YFC & two of their students that come there were jumped two blocks from the YFC building where we had been working... it's crazy that we just happened to be at Open Door that day. God was for sure watching over us while we were down there & thankfully none of the people involved were hurt or anything, AND the dirt bikes that they had been using that were stolen were found & returned by the end of the week!}

So that was what my few days in the city looked like.. we spent the last day of our trip at a conference center in Ohio with worship time, some down time, & a night of reflecting on the week & sharing highlights & lows of our week. And topped it off with feet washing. The whole idea of feet washing makes me feel blessed to be a part of such a sweet ministry to high school students. I had the opportunity to wash the feet of the sweet girls in my group after a long week or working hard & being sweaty & dirty & pray over them & speak truth into them. It made me feel so blessed to have that opportunity to share that with them. It was humbling for sure.
On Friday morning we had some more debriefing time & then had an hour solo-time to journal, read Isaiah 58, & just reflect on the past few days. And we ended it all with singing God of the City & Our God..

All in all it felt like the longest week of my life, but left me speechless at so many points. I feel blessed to be a part of a ministry that has so many awesome students wiling to give up their week at the end of a long busy summer to go on a half hour from home & get their hands dirty spreading the hope for Detroit.

The words I kept writing down in my journal were BLESSED & HONORED. That's all I have.
. . . . .

{I took a majority of the pictures but borrowed some from my mum & some of the awesome people on my team!}


...I have to brag about a trip I took downtown sometime. It kind of blew my mind & left me speechless, so it might take a while to put into words. Soon. Soon. Soon, I will share the goodness though, until then prayers of hope for the city of Detroit are more than welcome.

{Then I gave them my report: "Face it: we're in a bad way here. DETROIT is a wreck; its gates are burned up. Come—let's build the wall of DETROIT and not live with this disgrace any longer." I told them how God was supporting me and how the king was backing me up. They said, "We're with you. Let's get started." They rolled up their sleeves, ready for the good work.}

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Mr. Darcy..

Oh Mr. Darcy, every girls dream man right?

Can I marry him or his long lost brother..?

Or can I at least be Lizzie, or just pretend to be her?

I fall in love with this fictional character every time I watch Pride & Prejudice, which I've done once already this weekend & am about to again... *sigh*

He is so mysterious & confusing but so charming all at the same time, I'll take him.

{I've decided I need to actually read Pride & Prejudice.. I'm not a huge reader, but I think I need to read it sometime.}

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Right this second...

I'm wearing:
...these pants that I forgot I had, they seriously might be the most
comfortable pants I've ever worn. They're light weight, kind of baggy, & cozy.. I'm in love.

It feels: it should be later than 11:00.

I'm enjoying:
...laying on my parents couch watching Elizabethtown with my twin & mom. I think I've seen this movie more than any other movie in the whole world. I don't know what it is about it. I love it & could watch it over & over again..
{my family went down to Nashville last November.. we drove through Elizabethtown, KY on our way home.. :)}

I wish this weekend I was:
...going on one of Claire's cross-country road trips.

I'm a little ashamed:
...of how attached I am to this new friend I acquired last weekend... her name is BlackBerry.

I'm thinking about: excited I am to go to yoga & hang out with my sisters tomorrow night in the city of Detroit.

I'm still:
...getting used to living back at my parents house.. missing the sound of the train at night

I'm still wondering & curious about:
...this next season of my life that is unfolding in front of me..

I'm wishing:
...I was counting down to a vacation to a private island somewhere & no agenda, or at least ...another long weekend at the St. Regis in Orange County,

I'm dreaming of:
...fall, crunchy leaves, cider mills, apple orchards, & earth tones.

I'm still soaking up:
...habakkuk one.

I'm thinking about how I need to: some lawn tickets to see my boys Ray&Gray.

I'm smiling about: adventure with 100+ students/leaders to Detroit starting on Sunday.

I'm a little sad about:
...not visiting Lake Ann Camp for the first time in TEN years this summer.

I'm remembering:
...the sweet little faces that I met last summer in West Viginia!

I should be: