who YOU are..

i like regular routines.
i like organized schedules.
i like to know what's going on!

BUT

i also like spontaneity.
i like organized clutter.
i like lazy-do-nothing-days.

BUT too much of that, is too much!!
i was a very happy girl walking out of my last final exam for school this past semester, planning all my days of sleeping in, doing some yoga when i wanted to, running outside anytime during the day, meeting my boyfriend for lunch, staying up late for no reason, being l-a-z-y because school was done!
{all in this weird stage between me getting out school, not being in any summer classes, & the calm before the storm of watching THREE kids four days a week for the rest of the summer...}

but i've found that too much of this... is NOT good for me. i miss having a regular routine, knowing what my schedule would potentially look like at the beginning of each week! i feel like my whole life is just really REALLY unorganized right now. {in every aspect of the word} i was almost on the verge of a nervous break down this week because i feel like all the disorganization in my life right now, not just my schedule, but my room, my car, my work schedule, the way i'm eating/taking care of myself, all the free time................is all draining me & my relationship with God.

obviously i can't blame all the scatteredness that on my lack of spending time with God, laying down everything in my life for Him, soaking up His words, talking to Him, listening for Him, seeing Him, but the laziness is definitely seeping into my relationship with God & its really frustrating & annoying.

its of course in all these times that God's like: "OK Lindsay, i've been waiting for you to just come spend time with me! you know you can't do anything without Me, I want to give you peace, rest, and make you not feel anxious or frustrated!"

so it made me stop & think & finally get this desire, want back to fight for my relationship with God, that i can't just sit back & let it unfold in front of me & expect it to be useful/beneficial/thriving (there's a word I'm looking for, but I can't put my finger on it!?) like a text from a sweet friend about Galatians 5 & just all around being reminded of who HE is from a desperation band song called who You are..

so now i'm feeling motivated, refreshed, & renewed.. ready to beat this laziness spell with productivity & spending more time with my Maker..

so much goodness & blessing in my life to not spend time giving it all back to Him..


{i feel like i write things like this & they don't make sense, but that's ok, writing is like therapy for me, whether it makes sense or not!} xox

*ps my twin comes home in: 23ish days.