Saturday, December 27, 2008

*its t h r e e .... i should be sleeping

*honestly, i neeeed to curve this habit of mine. i stay up much to late. late enough that commercials for excersie equipment, acne cleanser, & natural make up comes on. i am currently sitting in my bed,wide-eyed, i dont even know why? i cant recall the last time i went to bed before 1 to 2 am.... its not very healthy. anyway, while i am are some random thoughts of mine about life, love, & other mysteries...

L I F E .

christmas has come & gone.
[much to quickly]

christmas consisted of:
-[extended] family
-all seven fillmores under one roof for a few days

there is a lot of snow this year
but its going to be almost fifty tomorrow [today]...!?

walking up to the corner for coffee & lunch...has become one of my new favorite activities

i am d e t e r m i n e d to get healthy [for real] in oh-nine.
*not just physically, but also spiritually...
-having diabetes i should automatically want to be and force myself to be healthy, but i have a case of procrastination and laziness more often times than not.
-i need to [get more sleep]
-run more often
-eat healthier
-i need to have more dates with my Jesus
-get to know Him more.
*i can do ALL things thru Christ who strengthens me.

sisterly L O V E .

i am very thankful for t w o sisters.
-although we are not exactly "best friends" [all three of us], i do enjoy the time i spend with both of them at the same time. especially when we attempt to ditch extended-family gatherings, and brittany tries to teach c & i how to knit...
- i admire how bold and brave my older sister is. she seems to not be afraid of anything & is always looking for something new and exciting to take on. she is so creative and loves to help people.
-and then theres courtney. we might have pretty similar dna, but we are pretty different. i wish i was as artistic as courtney. although i try to play piano or guitar, draw or write, courtney seems to have this eye for artistic things. i love that. her & i also just really have this bond, that i really dont think i could ever share with anyone else...perhaps a future husband, but we'll have to wait & see..
-i do take both of them for granted a lot... and treat them poorly a lot, but i have been working on showing them more genuine love lately....

*the following could & should be its own topic, but its on my mind [at three-ish a.m.]....!?

O T H E R M Y S T E R I E S .

to be completely honest...
-i am that girl, who has dreamed of getting married and having a wedding, since--well since i can remember. i dont typically talk about this dream of mine unless im with brittany joy or courtney, but i really cannot wait.

-but wedding plans aside, since seventh grade when my english teacher [at a christian school of course] talked to us about praying for our future spouses, i pretty much have done since then.
-typically when i am talking to God i pray something like this: "dear God, i dont know who he is, where he is, or what he is doing right now...." and then go on, but then i bite my tongue and pray about my future with or without a husband. and ask God to help me to be content with His plans for me--married or not.

-saying that God does bless me with a man that loves God more than he love me, that i'd call my husband...then i can't wait to plan a wedding, wear a fancy dress, & be a princess for a day, and then actually be married to my best friend & spend the rest of our lives together for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from that day forward until death do us part.

-i talk to my mom a lot about this subject. [joking-ly] courtney & i ask my mom if she is concerned that none of her twenty-one & nineteen year old daughters have ever had a boyfriend or even been asked out on a date before. then my lisa [i call my mom by her first name. i have for a while now, i dont really now since when. but she knows i respect her & its kind of a running joke between her & i...'lisa' says it's a "term of endearment":)] replys: "no, i am not concerned, i think that i am blessed..." not her words exactly but, she so often reminds the three daughters that "he" is out there somewhere & God will bring "him" into our lives in His own timing. mmm. *truth.

-so often after conversations like these occur, i think about these things & realize how i am blessed that somehow [by the grace of God no doubt] that i have been raised to not long or desire to have to always have a boyfriend, or be aggressive & seek such attention from guys. i think that i am blessed because i haven't had to face heartbreak, disappointment, or temptation throughout my teen years thus far. i do wish, hope, & pray that if God brings that guy into my life, that he's the one, and that he's the only one.

-in a nutshell, i admire those who don't have to date +1 gentlemen, but "date" & marry one.
-i really do feel blessed that i have never dated or been in a "serious" relationship. being friends with guys is good for me.
-i really do enjoy praying & wondering about a future husband that really does love his Jesus more than me.
-also, i do love wisdom from my lisa.

*i hope everyone had a delightful christmas & didn't just think about opening gifts or eating cookies, but remembered that the only reason we even have christmas is because a Savior was born to die for us & save us from a life of sin & apart from Him.

thank You for sending Your Son to this earth
to be born, life, & die as a man for me.
thank You for family.
thank You for siblings.
help me to show them real love more often.
thank You for a mom who loves You
& relays wisdom about You & Your plan for me, to me.
thank You for taking me back always.
even when so often times i get away from You.
thank You for random things on my mind, at four in the morning....

deep breath.
now i am ready to close my eyes.

i suggest you get your hands on a copy of "Advent Songs" by Soujourn. it is a beautiful set of christmas songs. i will definitely find myself listening to it, long after christmas time....

1 comment:

Janík said...
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