Monday, August 23, 2010

Someone wrote a book about me!

There is this on-going book that I'm the main character in, it goes something like this:

Author: God.
Title: Lindsay E. Fillmore, August 15th, 1989.
Chapters: 1-20(+), years I've been the main character of a book, chapter 21 just started.
Sub chapters: seasons of life thus far, the good, the bad, the ugly, & everything in between.
Pages: everyday I've breathed life here on earth.
Words: actions, situations, stories, detail of my day-to-day life, {people, places, things}.

When it comes to actually reading, I'm that person who will read the last chapter before I even get to chapter two because I like to know what to expect & predict what will happen next. (I'm like that with movies too, I like to know how the movie ends before I see it..)

It's kind of hard to be a main character that wants to know how the book ends. Because even though I have a big part in it, I'm not the Writer of it, if it was turned into a movie I still wouldn't know how ends either.

The Writer already has every word, page, & chapter written for me, but with my eagerness to know what is going to happen in the next few pages it loosens my grip of faith in the Author's direction of where He wants the story to go. I fill my mind up & talk to the Author & say things like:

"This should happen. That should happen. This is where "Lindsay" should be in the next few pages. This is what she should be doing. This is who she should be talking to in this scene."

Even though I'm the main character, I'm not the Author.

{YOUR eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in YOUR book before one of them came to be...}

So although I trust & have 110% faith in the fact that the Author has all my pages already written & I just have to sit back & wait to read what happens next it's definitely one of the things I struggle with letting control of!

BUT..these past few days I feel like I've been uncovering a little bit of what the next few pages

{contentment: –noun
1. the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind.}

I love words. I love when certain words describe exactly what's going on in my head & this word, has been one of those words last night & today.

July & early August were NOT pages in my book that contained contentment by any means. More like frustration, anger, jealousy, & dissatisfaction .

But my heavy heart the past few weeks has soften heaps & has been feeling this contentment the last few days & the feeling that I'm exactly where the Writer wants me to be for the beginning of this new chapter of my book.

That the Writer is using me right where He has me at this very minute. And even though I like to know the next page of a book before I read it.. He's showing me lately that because I can't know what happens next that He is writing my character to do exactly what He wants her do & using her right where she's at.'s to the beginning of Chapter 21

1 comment:

Courtney Fillmore said...

You said heaps, you're Australian.