*this is our G o d.

"FREELY YOU GAVE YOUR LIFE FOR US

SURRENDERED YOUR LIFE UPON THAT CROSS

GREAT IS THE LOVE

POURED OUT FOR ALL

THIS IS OUR GOD

LIFTED ON HIGH FROM DEATH TO LIFE

FOREVER OUR GOD IS GLORIFIED

SERVANT & KING

RESCUED THE WORLD

THIS IS OUR GOD."

*this is our God, hillsong.

*its t h r e e .... i should be sleeping

*honestly, i neeeed to curve this habit of mine. i stay up much to late. late enough that commercials for excersie equipment, acne cleanser, & natural make up comes on. i am currently sitting in my bed,wide-eyed, i dont even know why? i cant recall the last time i went to bed before 1 to 2 am.... its not very healthy. anyway, while i am up.....here are some random thoughts of mine about life, love, & other mysteries...

L I F E .

christmas has come & gone.

[much to quickly]

christmas consisted of:

-friends

-[extended] family

-all seven fillmores under one roof for a few days

-cookies

-gifts

-cleaning

-eating

-movies

there is a lot of snow this year

but its going to be almost fifty tomorrow [today]...!?

walking up to the corner for coffee & lunch...has become one of my new favorite activities

i am d e t e r m i n e d to get healthy [for real] in oh-nine.

*not just physically, but also spiritually...

-having diabetes i should automatically want to be and force myself to be healthy, but i have a case of procrastination and laziness more often times than not.

-i need to [get more sleep]

-run more often

-eat healthier

-i need to have more dates with my Jesus

-get to know Him more.

*i can do ALL things thru Christ who strengthens me.

sisterly L O V E .

i am very thankful for t w o sisters.

-although we are not exactly "best friends" [all three of us], i do enjoy the time i spend with both of them at the same time. especially when we attempt to ditch extended-family gatherings, and brittany tries to teach c & i how to knit...

- i admire how bold and brave my older sister is. she seems to not be afraid of anything & is always looking for something new and exciting to take on. she is so creative and loves to help people.

-and then theres courtney. we might have pretty similar dna, but we are pretty different. i wish i was as artistic as courtney. although i try to play piano or guitar, draw or write, courtney seems to have this eye for artistic things. i love that. her & i also just really have this bond, that i really dont think i could ever share with anyone else...perhaps a future husband, but we'll have to wait & see..

-i do take both of them for granted a lot... and treat them poorly a lot, but i have been working on showing them more genuine love lately....

*the following could & should be its own topic, but its on my mind [at three-ish a.m.]....!?

O T H E R M Y S T E R I E S .

to be completely honest...

-i am that girl, who has dreamed of getting married and having a wedding, since--well since i can remember. i dont typically talk about this dream of mine unless im with brittany joy or courtney, but i really cannot wait.

-but wedding plans aside, since seventh grade when my english teacher [at a christian school of course] talked to us about praying for our future spouses, i pretty much have done since then.

-typically when i am talking to God i pray something like this: "dear God, i dont know who he is, where he is, or what he is doing right now...." and then go on, but then i bite my tongue and pray about my future with or without a husband. and ask God to help me to be content with His plans for me--married or not.

-saying that God does bless me with a man that loves God more than he love me, that i'd call my husband...then i can't wait to plan a wedding, wear a fancy dress, & be a princess for a day, and then actually be married to my best friend & spend the rest of our lives together for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from that day forward until death do us part.

-i talk to my mom a lot about this subject. [joking-ly] courtney & i ask my mom if she is concerned that none of her twenty-one & nineteen year old daughters have ever had a boyfriend or even been asked out on a date before. then my lisa [i call my mom by her first name. i have for a while now, i dont really now since when. but she knows i respect her & its kind of a running joke between her & i...'lisa' says it's a "term of endearment":)] replys: "no, i am not concerned, i think that i am blessed..." not her words exactly but, she so often reminds the three daughters that "he" is out there somewhere & God will bring "him" into our lives in His own timing. mmm. *truth.

-so often after conversations like these occur, i think about these things & realize how i am blessed that somehow [by the grace of God no doubt] that i have been raised to not long or desire to have to always have a boyfriend, or be aggressive & seek such attention from guys. i think that i am blessed because i haven't had to face heartbreak, disappointment, or temptation throughout my teen years thus far. i do wish, hope, & pray that if God brings that guy into my life, that he's the one, and that he's the only one.

-in a nutshell, i admire those who don't have to date +1 gentlemen, but "date" & marry one.

-i really do feel blessed that i have never dated or been in a "serious" relationship. being friends with guys is good for me.

-i really do enjoy praying & wondering about a future husband that really does love his Jesus more than me.

-also, i do love wisdom from my lisa.

*i hope everyone had a delightful christmas & didn't just think about opening gifts or eating cookies, but remembered that the only reason we even have christmas is because a Savior was born to die for us & save us from a life of sin & apart from Him.

ABBA FATHER,

thank You for sending Your Son to this earth

to be born, life, & die as a man for me.

thank You for family.

thank You for siblings.

help me to show them real love more often.

thank You for a mom who loves You

& relays wisdom about You & Your plan for me, to me.

thank You for taking me back always.

even when so often times i get away from You.

thank You for random things on my mind, at four in the morning....

deep breath.

now i am ready to close my eyes.

PS:

i suggest you get your hands on a copy of "Advent Songs" by Soujourn. it is a beautiful set of christmas songs. i will definitely find myself listening to it, long after christmas time....

*read, & soak it up....

"God moves in a MYSTERIOUS way,

His wonders to perform;
He plants his FOOTSTEPS in the sea,
And RIDES upon the STORM.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill,
He TREASURES up his BRIGHT DESIGNS,
And WORKS his sovereign WILL.

Ye fearful saints, fresh COURAGE take,
The clouds ye so much dread
are big with MERCY, and shall break
In BLESSINGS on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But TRUST him for his GRACE;
Behind a frowning providence,
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The BUD may have a BITTER taste,
But SWEET will be the FLOWER.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan his work in vain;
God is his own interpreter,
And he will make it plain.

(In his own time, in his own way)"

--William Cowper

*we sang this song a while back at lighthouse & the words amaze me, it is a poem that was written by William Cowper, and Jeremy Riddle put it to music...

*God to the Christian says...

"Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to the Christian says:

'No, not until you're satisfied and fulfilled and content with living, loved by Me alone and giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone. I love you, My child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me -- exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or belongings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait.

Don't be anxious and don't worry. Don't look around at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I have to show you. And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream.

You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working this minute to have both of you ready at the same time, and until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I've prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know I love you. I am God Almighty, believe and be satisfied.'"

--Anonymous

*its over my head...

"Lost for the words to say

I'm left here in disarray

Waiting for You, waiting on truth

I've thrown reason overboard

Knowing that there's still more

I don't yet believe, I can't even perceive

I can't seem to understand

Can't seem to find my way

It's over my head, it's over my head

Learning this mystery

Trust what I cannot see

It's over my head, it's over my head

The wonder of all You've made

Foundations Your hands have laid

Bringing me back to my knees, to my knees

I'm lost for the words to say

Lost for another way

Bringing me back to my knees, to my knees

I'm lost for the words to say

Lost for another way

Ruined for anything other than Your love

I'm desperate to know You, Lord

Desperate for what's in store

Finding my hope in only You, in only You

Take me beyond this door

Lead me to something more

Open my heart up for more of You, more of You---"

(starfield, 'over my head')

*i love every word in this portion of this song, but some of the lines just ring true in so many situations. lately i have been relating to these lines in particular...

[Learning this mystery / Trust what I cannot see / It's over my head]

*i feel like everyday that i grow in my relationship with Christ, i find more that boggles my mind, or is hard to understand, "this mystery". but then i have to "trust when i cannot see". with all the mysteries of our Creator we have to be able to trust in Him, in things seen and unseen....

*christmas goodies...

i do l o v e Christmas. this week i have/had three Christmas parties to attend...the one i am going to tomorrow (my junior girls small group for wsm is having a small get-together tomorrow!) we are having a cookie exchange.

i am not much of a cook or baker, but when i have the time, i do enjoy cooking or baking! so i was going to make some cookies or something, but my mom had bought the material to make chocolate covered pretzels so thats what i made!

*oh just an idea for you, add some "Silk" Vanilla soy milk to your hot chocolate & add some whipped cream, and you are in business...

*i am not, but i know I AM....

*this is exactly what i needed this week, our kairos group just met for the last time for the semester & we finished the book "i am not, but i know I AM" by Louie Giglio. you should grab a copy, its loaded with some really great things! (so the following is from the book, i hope you enjoy it & get as much out of it as i did!)....

i need hope.

I AM.

who could possibly be smart enough to figure this out?

I AM.

what works?

I AM.

what's the latest thing?

I AM.

what's the hippest thing?

I AM.

i need a fresh start.

I AM.

i need a bigger story.

I AM.

my vision is bigger than my resources.

I AM.

nothing is real anymore.

I AM.

who can i trust?

I AM.

i'm not sure who's on my team.

I AM.

nobody's listening to me.

I AM.

i don't have a prayer.

I AM.

my marriage is sinking.

I AM.

my kids deserve more.

I AM.

i'm pouring into others, who's pouring into me?

I AM.

if we fail, who will get the job done?

I AM.

i'm not sure why i'm here

I AM.

i'm tired.

I AM.

i quit!

I AM.

i can't!

I AM.

i need a drink.

I AM.

i need a fix.

I AM.

i need a lover.

I AM.

somebody just hold me.

I AM.

"And what does this great I AM say of Himself? He says to you and to me: 'I am the resurrection and the life. I am Savior. I am Jesus--the solution, the restorer, the builder, the answer, the Wise One, the Coming One, the Mighty One. I am the Lord and there is no other. I am God and there is none besides Me. I am the FIrst and the Last. I am Alpha and Omega. I am the Beginning and the End. I am the Lord, that is My name, and I will not give My glory to another, or any of My praise to idols. I AM THAT I AM, and that is My name--My memorial name to every single generation.'"

--Louie Giglio

*so long n o v e m b e r...

i simply love this time of the year.

i don't want to sound cliche, but i do have a lot to be thankful for.

in michigan fall doesn't last long enough.

"autumn fallin' from trees, the snow is up to our knees..."

(random snow-fall, while there are still leaves on the ground waiting to be raked!?)

thanksgiving came & went.

christmas music should NOT start on november first.

it makes me smile when all seven fillmore's are in the same house.

my sister had a birthday.

i do love downtown detroit.

detroit urban art makes me smile.

the weather isn't too cold, yet.

christmas lights, trees, & decorations are up.

music is still one of my favorite things.

iTunes 'genius bar' playlists are/is(?) the best invention.

apple is amazing because they replace broken iPods.

hearing my sister describe 'hippsters' makes me laugh.

i adore boots & fun-cute coats.

aaron's toe is semi-healed completely.

"HE MUST BECOME GREATER; i must become less" john three:thirty.

i am blessed with an amazing church/community that i love.

being a co-small-group leader for an amazing group of junior girls at wsm makes my heart happy.

hillsong's 'i heart the revolution: hearts as one' dvd makes me dream of doing what they do/are doing.

i wish i took pictures/edited them more often.

i still love the city of nashville. (and really would move there any day!)

i think that black friday shopping is ridiculous.

this time next year i want to be getting ready to go to south africa.

the push for 'woodside world-wide' makes me want to go to a million different places!

november flew by terribly fast...

so long n o v e m b e r.

hello d e c e m b e r.

twenty-five days until christmas :)

*this is my g e n e s i s....

*so today started a genesis for me.
more this week i think.

*sunday at lighthouse... broke me down, that i need to constantly be running towards Christ, and not just running for a season, and then coming to a screeching halt. but once i come to a halt, then i start realizing how much more i need to keep running to keep myself in check with my walk with Christ.
Hebrews 12:1-3...
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart..."

*wednesday night, i went to a leaders meeting for wsm [woodside student ministries] and i am going to be getting involved this year as a leader, not a student, which gives me mixed emotions, but i really do want to be a part of the ministry and pour my life into the girls at wsm. i really do have a passion to share my heart and my stories and my experiences with girls younger than me and i want them to feel welcome, and to grow, and to realize how much they need to make their faith their own, and to fall head over heals in love with Christ...im stoked to see where wsm is going this year and i cant wait to be more of a part of it!

*today, i started my classes and i really had no idea what to think, and what to expect, but all in all it was totally fine and i still dont know what i want to do with my life, but theres some ideas, and i know that my mind will change a million and one times over the next couple years, but i just want to run after what God wants me to do. and its just this new phase of life that i have to take, in order to get to the next one.

*so i say 'genesis' because it means, origin or beginning and i love to relate seasons of my life to music or a song and so all day i was thinking of the song "say goodbye" by joy williams and the lyrics say exactly what im feeling like this week and looking towards the new beginnings in front of me...

....Say goodbye, say goodbye
To the you I knew before
Say hello, say hello to a new beginning
Say goodbye, say goodbye
To the you I knew before
This is your genesis

Face to face
The present and past collide
And it's no mistake
I see the future is in your eyes
You seem so free
Like nothing's ever gonna keep you down.

*ps, brit, court, & i have now known each other for NINE years!? and although we've had our ups & downs in the past, we still can pick up a conversation & have awkward silences & know what each other are going to say without saying it...

*e n d of j u l y into a u g u s t....

the past few weeks have flown by & im still trying to wrap my arms around everything that i have been doing and whats been going on!

delbarton, west virginia
red caboose
melissa edwards
bobbie edwards & his southern gospel music
oil based paint
curvy winding roads
hemp button braclets
7/11
moose bar
youth works
ogga-boogga-bera-cooda
packing lunches
snakes
three o'clock showers
white water rafting
jumping off a twenty foot rock into the river
swimming down a rapid
end of forty
watershed
new hillsong album
worship
prayer
praises
desires
dreams
future
prayer room
journal
realizations

----->you should go grab a copy of the new hillsong cd...its called 'this is our God'

pray

seek

wait

move.

*p r o v e r b s 31:30...

*i want to be this woman.

"CHARM IS DECEPTIVE & BEAUTY IS FLEETING, BUT A WOMAN WHO FEARS THE LORD IS TO BE PRAISED."
[proverbs 31:30]

*its raining, thundering, & lightning outside....my favorite.
check this blog out from the team that went to camp barnabas in missouri
[God is so good.]

*r a m b l i n g s...

love
peace
hope
kindness
surrender
brokenness
worship
prayer
scripture
journaling
future
life

"You are the highest
You are the greatest
You are the Lord of all
Angels will worship
Nations will bow down
To the Lord of all..."

*forty...

*so i got my macbook yesterday! so exciting! so i am sitting here typing away on it!!! anyway that is besides the point of what i was going to write about.....

40 started on sunday at nine. and since then i have heard nothing but amazing things about it. i was bummed at the beginning of the week though because i signed up for my prayer hours late, so i only got a few towards the end of it, but today emily had some time so she said court & i could come with her! 

it was so overwhelming. just walking in just takes your breath away because you see prayers, praises, desires, and worship written on the black walls in silver marker from floor to ceiling, there is a world map with pins in areas that have been are being prayed for, there is an area for people to express themselves and their hearts on paper with water colors and colored pencils, there is a cross in the back corner with candles around where we laid before it and prayed, there is an area to sit in the middle of it all where emily, courtney, and i shared our hearts and tears with each other and the Lord, being able to pray out loud and for so long with them was such a blessing.

towards the end of everyones hour in the prayer room, you are to read a selected passage from the Bible out loud, since sunday the group as a collective has gotten up to Numbers 22, well that was since three this afternoon, but someone is in there at the moment that will read more or the Bible out loud continuing up until the last hour when the whole Bible will have been read out loud, i think that is one of my favorite parts of the room, there are large margins on the sides so people can write their personal notes and input on the scripture that they read. 

whew. ok that was really long, but i just had to share about it because it was such an awesome opportunity to be a part of and i have some more time in the next month so im pretty excited about it. another highlight of it was when emily, court, and i blasted the song "how he loves us" and sang it at the top of our lungs in worship to our amazing Creator that was so apparent in that room. 

in the last five minutes we were in there we played the song "i will go" by the desperation band and went to the part that they recite the passage from isaiah "here i am Lord, send me, send me" which is kind of one of the main points around 40 as a whole. i just wish that everyone everywhere could experience their own 40. 40 days & 960 hours of continuous prayer, service, worship, and fasting.... 
*isaiah 6:1-8

*GOD's l o v e for us....

*although none of us deserve it, God our Father, Creator, and Friend...LOVES us more than we could ever know. but so easily we take His love for us for granted, but He still is standing there calling us back to Him, wanting us to fall in love with Him..more and more everyday, to grow closer to Him, to know Him more, to strive to live like Him more.

"This is how we know what love is:
Jesus Christ laid down his life for us."
[1 John 3:16]

"The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
[Zephaniah 3:17]

*i can hear birds outside, i should go to bed now....

i graduated on sunday

i went to sleep at 5am woke up at 4pm

[my sleeping pattern is never going to be the same]

i worked at plum for once finally

i saw death cab at the fox

[i loved them before, but love even more now]

spectacular

rogue wave was also there, they arent bad

the wings won the stanley cup

[while we were downtown by hokeytown!]

im in love with viva la vida & violet hill

downtown royal oak is fun when its warm outside

[while i was over there the other night they were tapping a lifetime movie!?]

being out of school is still the best feeling

i need a bike

gas is tooo expensive

i like watching old home movies with my sisters

my sisters & i are still in love with brendan leonard

if you dont know who that is look him up online

i want to see hillsong united in chicago in august

it boggles my mind that they play good music videos at 3am when no one is watching them except for us

i really do enjoy running

i love summer clothes

jewelry is more expensive at claries than at for love by 21...?

i still want to move to nashville

i need to start playing my guitar more...

*bittersweet - n e s s...

we moved.

i couldn't sleep last night, in my new room, new sounds, new atmosphere, and still only two short miles from our old house? the house i lived in for 18 years, sad. but so exciting to make new memories with my family and live in a new setting, everyone needs a little change of scenery in their life..bittersweet.

graduating.
in less than a month i am graduating. its the end. of high school, of being in school for 7-8 hours a day, lunch rooms, and lockers, 5-7 classes in one day. but looking forward to college life, not the typical dorm, moving away, partying college life, but staying around and going to college here for a while, getting more involved with lighthouse and leading in wsm or oasis at church....bittersweet.

friends.
in a few short months a lot of my friends are moving away and going to all different places, cities, states, ect. and the friendships that we had are going to totally different, only 'seeing' each other on facebook, walls or pictures, so many different new paths friends are leading. but i'm so excited to see where everyone goes and does, and then me personally meeting so many new people from all different backgrounds next year...bittersweet.

.
i am blessed.
my Creator loves ME, more than anyone or anything could ever love me, although i may not have everything i want, i have more than i need, i have a nice school to go to, i have a good job, i have amazing parents that i take forgranted so easily, i have two sisters and two brothers that i may not get along with 100% of the time, but i really do love them a lot, i have several close friends i am thankful for that i can share my heart and dreams with, i have an amazing church where i can freely worship God and grow in my relationship with Him....i have nothing to complain about. yet i so often easily do.

*hello 2 0 0 8....

i decided i hate paying for gas.

but i'm thankful for a car to put pricey gasoline in.

the Lord's plan for my future keeps unfolding.
its nerve racking to think about.
but i pray that i go in the direction He is calling me to go in.

oakland county, as of now, is my mission field.
here am i Lord, send me.

i love downtown detroit.

one day i want to see the world.
before i die i want to go to south africa, australia, india, thailand& italy.

starting this year i am going to work on making dreams into reality.

growing up is scary, but exciting all at the same time.

playing hoppipolla by sigur ros on the piano , makes me smile.

next year, business major and minor in psychology?

i really have no idea what i am going to do this summer.

stay home and work, go up to lake ann now perhaps?

i really do value my time with my sisters [and the brothers].

coffee, lit candles, good acoustic music, a good book, and rain are ideal.

why do teachers give quizzes on mondays?

prince charming is out there somewhere. he'll come for me.
God is still writing my love story.

"Blessed is SHE who believes, that what the LORD has said to HER will be accomplished."
--Luke 1:45