craving some fall...

Fall, is my favorite season, I love spring, summer, & winter (sometimes) but fall, is my all time fave. I think the mid-west does fall best & I think growing up with Michigan falls {cider mills, apple orchards, pumpkin patches, pretty leaves..} is why I like it. Although fall technically isn't until September 22nd, I feel like it starts once Labor Day comes around & school starts. I already started school & it's Labor Day weekend, so bring on fall!

{I love my summer, warm weather, (some) time off, being tan, going to the beach, sun dresses, but I'm ready for the cooler weather.}

Today was the almost perfect Saturday. I slept in a little, I bummed around Arts, Beats, & Eats with my sisters for a while, had my first pumpkin spice latte from the bucks, I wore my favorite sweater & wasn't too hot, I played my guitar for a little while to some Band of Horses songs {good fall music if you're looking for something to get into fall mode.} (which are pretty easy to strum & sing to, which makes me happy!), went on a bike ride date with my youngest brother to get ice cream, bought a new dress & tunic from Lost & Found which can be worn during fall with boots, & gathered some of my favorite things about fall...

1.) apple orchards
{my family for every year since I can remember has gone to Erwin's Apple Orchard to pick apples & pumpkins.. always a good time, always a good memory.}
2.) crunchy leaves
{sometimes I go out of my way to step on crunchy leaves.. and although I have bad memories of having to help my dad rack our mammoth backyard growing up, I still love crunchy leaves on the ground.}
3.) pumpkin spice latte's
{only enjoyable on a fall-esque day, nice & hot.}
4.) scarves
{thick knit scarves, or light weight lose fitting scarves, always my favorite.}
5.) earth tones
{I think I like earth tones all year round, but they are more fun during the fall to wear & fit in with the colors outside, I've been to a few fall weddings & think earth tones are ideal for weddings.}
6.) school supplies
{perhaps this is why I want to be a teacher...}
7.) boots
{not thick winter boots or rain boots, cute ankle-knee high boots, with a pair of skinny jeans or a dress.}
8.) cider mills
{doughnuts & hot cider.}
9.) franklin, tn
{fall time in the south is a little warmer & seems to go into at least December, but not just Franklin but the surrounding areas are pretty great to drive through when the leaves are changing colors.}
10.) bon fires
{a way to actually keep warm unlike bon fires during the summer..}

*happy {early} fall

sleeping sickness..

I have this bad habit of staying up *way* too late on nights when I don't have anything to do the next morning.. then dread staying up *this* late on nights I have loads of homework to do or a paper to write.

So I typed "sleep" into my iTunes search bar to see what I could find.. in hopes that something would help me drift into dreamland. These are all the titles that had sleep, sleepless, asleep, sleeping, or sleepers in them:

1. Have You Fallen Asleep, Paper Route
2. Half Asleep, School of Seven Bells
3. I Can't Sleep, The Hard Lessons
4. Sleeping Sickness, City & Colour
5. Sleep, Copeland
6. How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep, Bombay Bicycle Club
7. Go To Sleep, Lupe Fiasco {I guess this song didn't come out on iTunes yet? Thanks RCRD LBL}
   
8. Sleep Well, Lydia
9. Trouble Sleeping, The Perishers
10. Sleepers, Seven Places
11. Sleepyhead, Passion Pit
12. I Never Get Much Sleep On Weekdays, Mikrofisch
    
13. If This City Never Sleeps, Rosie Thomas
14. Sing You To Sleep, Paper Route
15. Sleepless, Until June
16. If You Can't Sleep, She & Him
17. Go To Sleep, The Avett Brothers
18. Sleepless, The Decemberists

Someone wrote a book about me!

There is this on-going book that I'm the main character in, it goes something like this:

Author: God.
Title: Lindsay E. Fillmore, August 15th, 1989.
Chapters: 1-20(+), years I've been the main character of a book, chapter 21 just started.
Sub chapters: seasons of life thus far, the good, the bad, the ugly, & everything in between.
Pages: everyday I've breathed life here on earth.
Words: actions, situations, stories, detail of my day-to-day life, {people, places, things}.

When it comes to actually reading, I'm that person who will read the last chapter before I even get to chapter two because I like to know what to expect & predict what will happen next. (I'm like that with movies too, I like to know how the movie ends before I see it..)

It's kind of hard to be a main character that wants to know how the book ends. Because even though I have a big part in it, I'm not the Writer of it, if it was turned into a movie I still wouldn't know how ends either.

The Writer already has every word, page, & chapter written for me, but with my eagerness to know what is going to happen in the next few pages it loosens my grip of faith in the Author's direction of where He wants the story to go. I fill my mind up & talk to the Author & say things like:

"This should happen. That should happen. This is where "Lindsay" should be in the next few pages. This is what she should be doing. This is who she should be talking to in this scene."

Even though I'm the main character, I'm not the Author.

{YOUR eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in YOUR book before one of them came to be...}

So although I trust & have 110% faith in the fact that the Author has all my pages already written & I just have to sit back & wait to read what happens next it's definitely one of the things I struggle with letting control of!

BUT..these past few days I feel like I've been uncovering a little bit of what the next few pages contain.

{contentment: –noun

1. the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind.}

I love words. I love when certain words describe exactly what's going on in my head & this word, has been one of those words last night & today.

July & early August were NOT pages in my book that contained contentment by any means. More like frustration, anger, jealousy, & dissatisfaction .

But my heavy heart the past few weeks has soften heaps & has been feeling this contentment the last few days & the feeling that I'm exactly where the Writer wants me to be for the beginning of this new chapter of my book.

That the Writer is using me right where He has me at this very minute. And even though I like to know the next page of a book before I read it.. He's showing me lately that because I can't know what happens next that He is writing my character to do exactly what He wants her do & using her right where she's at.

...here's to the beginning of Chapter 21.

three words..

I saw Eat. Pray. Love. this past weekend & naturally it made me want to travel, eat, do yoga, & fall in love. Then I was talking to my Lisa {a.k.a. my muma} about it & she made me start thinking about what three words reflect me: Lindsay Erin Fillmore. In the movie/book Liz's words are Eat. Pray. Love. {obviously} so now I'm on a hunt for my
t h r e e w o r d s.

{...and now I want to read this book, so now I have two books to read!? We'll see how that works out.}

I left a part of me in Detroit..

I don't know the total count of students & leaders that we had on this trip but I would say roughly 120 all together slept, lived, ate, worked, & worshiped together for a week at the Warren campus & in four different locations around downtown Detroit doing various projects, VBS, day camps, block parties, yard work, painting, garbage picking, relationship building, & anything else under the sun that we could find to do to spread the love and we called it: CitiWeek.
The whole week in general was beyond my expectations. To be honest I went into the whole trip kind of nervous & feeling very unprepared. I think because I wasn't going more than 30 minutes from home I let my procrastination & laziness get to me the week/end before the trip get to me & I waited until the very last minute to do everything. I also felt like I was going into it not knowing any of the students in my group! The week before we left I was switched form one group to another, but God showed me again & again all week how He makes every little detail work out, even if it's not how we intended it to! It was sweet to get to know a whole slew of high schoolers who I didn't know or know very well when the week started! {Faygo for life.}{THIS is just how I organize my thoughts by day, so it's kind of long.. :)}

{Day One} Youth for Christ & Heidelberg...
We traveled into the city of Detroit and made our way to Youth for Christ to do some work projects. Despite the outrageous humidity our group worked SO hard sweaty & hot all day & did so great getting so much done on just the first day. We worked for a few hours in the morning organizing things inside the YfC building, doing yard work outside, & pulling debris out of a huge mass from an ancient garage that had collapsed in on itself, then we headed to Heidleberg for a break/lunch.
{My sister Brittany met up with us there, and we found it interesting that every time we go there it is always kind of gloomy & cloudy outside...}
Post lunch we worked more on getting rid of the mass of rotted wood, a few walls, glass, other random treasures that we found amongst the rumble. It was a hot & sweaty day for sure but the little drops of rain in the afternoon helped cool things off & being able to take a shower before dinner wasn't bad either! We had a sweet time of worship at the church that night & got to share about our first day in the city, it was a good way to end the first day of work!

{Day Two} The day that I think brought the most JOY to my heart..
We started the morning off a little later than the others & went over to the train station to explore, talk about Nehemiah & eat some lunch before we went over to Open Door Rescue Mission. I had always heard good things about Open Door so I was excited to go serve there but didn't really know what to expect. They gave us a little tour & history of the mission, and we helped get things ready for the Forgotten Harvest truck to arrive.

{A woman who volunteers a lot of her time at ODRM is a member at the Warren campus & suggested to Matt that we have the students mingle with the people waiting outside to get in & take down prayer requests & pray with them. Honestly I was expecting the worst, that we would have to force our team to go for it... but I was definitely expecting the wrong thing because even though it may have been totally out of their comfort zone, they ALL went for it! And eagerly met and prayed with so many of the people waiting outside, it was awesome! It was just the beginning of joy that started to fill me up while we were there!}

Then it all happened quickly that we had to jump into action & get organized to start serving, so it was for sure all hands on deck & once again I just had to smile to myself seeing how hard everyone on our team worked! Everyone was doing this or that helping to get things ready to roll! Once everything was ready & sorted a line of people started to form to start coming through the line of tables filled with all sorts of food. We had some of us standing behind the tables explaining how much of what was to be taken and kind of directing traffic, some of the students were handing out bagels on the way out, some students were playing some music, & it was just a sight to see.
Another aspect of the joy that I felt during this afternoon was that my dad, older sister, & youngest brother were all there with me! At some points I felt like I was going to start chocking up & fighting back tears because of how I blessed I felt to have the chance to serve less fortunate people with my family around me helping too. Not every 10 year old joyfully helps serve the people of Detroit everyday.

All in all the whole scene just made me smile.

Later that night we all headed back into the city after dinner to hand out free water & pop around Comerica Park before the Tigers game & then had a good time hanging out at the game, even thought the Tigs lost..

...and we all had these "Hope for Detroit" shirts on.. some people at the game agreed with our shirts, some didn't. It makes me sad that people that live in the city don't even believe there is hope for their city. That's why we have to take baby steps to spread the hope for a broken city.

{Day Three}

We headed back to YFC to finish moving all the debris from the old garage into a dumpster & finish clearing the area. Since the team we had was amazing & the hardest workers from the whole trip we got that done pretty quickly & again had nothing but sweat & dirt dripping off our bodies & dirt under out nails when we were done.
Then we had lunch on Belle Isle & used the afternoon to explore & see a new part of the city for a lot of our team which was kind of cool. We just ate & relaxed for a while looking over at the city..
That night we got to go visit Brittany's Palace over on Second & have dinner & hang out with each other for a few hours for dinner!
It included fajitas, eating outside, enjoying each others company, & a large game of tag.

Then we all went over to Metro Church where one of the other CItiWeek groups was working all week for a Wednesday night church service. It was cool to see what the other group had been doing all week with a block party earlier that day & getting to sing crazy songs & meet some cute kids! It was fun to hear my brother talk about Nehemiah in front of everyone too. Love that kid. Love seeing him serve other people too.

The crazy night ended with a couple trips to Meijer, McDonalds, & Speedway & most of the group being awake until 3AM. (It has to happen on a missions trip...)

{Day Four}
Our group went on a tour of the Renaissance Center downtown in the morning. I've never been inside before but am always intrigued by the building when I'm downtown! So it was cool to see this city inside a city but a little weird to feel like a tourist only 30 minutes from my house. It was fun though & cool to see the city from the sky.

We stayed there for most of the morning & then headed to YFC to put the finishing touches on the work we had been doing. All while clearing out weeds, cement blocks, bricks, & some old lawn mowers from a side yard, & getting some minor cuts & scraps we left that place looking pretty great & clean.
It was sad in a way to me that our group really only worked with other people once during the week & were just by ourselves the rest of the time working at YfC and that we didn't really get to form any relationships with new people in the city, but I just had to keep reminding myself that even if we couldn't physically see the outcome of our labor now, that the work we did at YFC is just a step closer to helping them progress in their ministry!

{STORY: A way that God totally was protecting us while we were downtown was that on Tuesday while we were at Open Door, and not at YFC some of the people from YFC & two of their students that come there were jumped two blocks from the YFC building where we had been working... it's crazy that we just happened to be at Open Door that day. God was for sure watching over us while we were down there & thankfully none of the people involved were hurt or anything, AND the dirt bikes that they had been using that were stolen were found & returned by the end of the week!}

So that was what my few days in the city looked like.. we spent the last day of our trip at a conference center in Ohio with worship time, some down time, & a night of reflecting on the week & sharing highlights & lows of our week. And topped it off with feet washing. The whole idea of feet washing makes me feel blessed to be a part of such a sweet ministry to high school students. I had the opportunity to wash the feet of the sweet girls in my group after a long week or working hard & being sweaty & dirty & pray over them & speak truth into them. It made me feel so blessed to have that opportunity to share that with them. It was humbling for sure.
On Friday morning we had some more debriefing time & then had an hour solo-time to journal, read Isaiah 58, & just reflect on the past few days. And we ended it all with singing God of the City & Our God..

All in all it felt like the longest week of my life, but left me speechless at so many points. I feel blessed to be a part of a ministry that has so many awesome students wiling to give up their week at the end of a long busy summer to go on a half hour from home & get their hands dirty spreading the hope for Detroit.

The words I kept writing down in my journal were BLESSED & HONORED. That's all I have.

. . . . .

{I took a majority of the pictures but borrowed some from my mum & some of the awesome people on my team!}

Detroit.

...I have to brag about a trip I took downtown sometime. It kind of blew my mind & left me speechless, so it might take a while to put into words. Soon. Soon. Soon, I will share the goodness though, until then prayers of hope for the city of Detroit are more than welcome.


{Then I gave them my report: "Face it: we're in a bad way here. DETROIT is a wreck; its gates are burned up. Come—let's build the wall of DETROIT and not live with this disgrace any longer." I told them how God was supporting me and how the king was backing me up. They said, "We're with you. Let's get started." They rolled up their sleeves, ready for the good work.}
NEHEMIAH TWO

Mr. Darcy..

Oh Mr. Darcy, every girls dream man right?

Can I marry him or his long lost brother..?

Or can I at least be Lizzie, or just pretend to be her?

I fall in love with this fictional character every time I watch Pride & Prejudice, which I've done once already this weekend & am about to again... *sigh*

He is so mysterious & confusing but so charming all at the same time, I'll take him.

{I've decided I need to actually read Pride & Prejudice.. I'm not a huge reader, but I think I need to read it sometime.}

Right this second...

I'm wearing:
...these pants that I forgot I had, they seriously might be the most comfortable pants I've ever worn. They're light weight, kind of baggy, & cozy.. I'm in love.

It feels:
...like it should be later than 11:00.

I'm enjoying:
...laying on my parents couch watching Elizabethtown with my twin & mom. I think I've seen this movie more than any other movie in the whole world. I don't know what it is about it. I love it & could watch it over & over again..
{my family went down to Nashville last November.. we drove through Elizabethtown, KY on our way home.. :)}

I wish this weekend I was:
...going on one of Claire's cross-country road trips.

I'm a little ashamed:
...of how attached I am to this new friend I acquired last weekend... her name is BlackBerry.

I'm thinking about:
...how excited I am to go to yoga & hang out with my sisters tomorrow night in the city of Detroit.

I'm still:
...getting used to living back at my parents house.. missing the sound of the train at night

I'm still wondering & curious about:
...this next season of my life that is unfolding in front of me..

I'm wishing:
...I was counting down to a vacation to a private island somewhere & no agenda, or at least ...another long weekend at the St. Regis in Orange County,

I'm dreaming of:
...fall, crunchy leaves, cider mills, apple orchards, & earth tones.

I'm still soaking up:
...habakkuk one.

I'm thinking about how I need to:
...buy some lawn tickets to see my boys Ray&Gray.

I'm smiling about:
...my adventure with 100+ students/leaders to Detroit starting on Sunday.

I'm a little sad about:
...not visiting Lake Ann Camp for the first time in TEN years this summer.

I'm remembering:
...the sweet little faces that I met last summer in West Viginia!

I should be:
...sleeping.

new time, new season...

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What does the worker gain from his toil?

¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on men.

¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

¹² I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.

¹³ That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God.

¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

{patience is a virtue . . . here's to a new season }

the near perfect afternoon...

its raining.
its thundering.
its lightning.
its windy outside.
its dark outside.
a mix of brooke waggoner, band of horses, fleet foxes, & noah and the whale is playing.
the little ladies are playing dress up together nicely.
the lazy dog is laying by the front door.
and a few lamps are on to light the rooms.
this is my ideal afternoon in a nutshell...
some hot coffee, a book or a movie, & cozy clothes might make it a tad better, but this will do.

I'm a fan.

rejoice & be glad..

THIS IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE.
I WILL REJOICE & BE GLAD IN IT.

THIS IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE.
I WILL REJOICE & BE GLAD IN IT.

THIS IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE.
I WILL REJOICE & BE GLAD IN IT.

THIS IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE.
I WILL REJOICE & BE GLAD IN IT.

THIS IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE.
I WILL REJOICE & BE GLAD IN IT.

{psalm oneeighteen : twentyfour}

{i've had to remind myself of this a lot this week.}

sowing the seeds of life...

{This is my prayer in the harvest, when favor and providence flow, I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I've received I will sow.}

*God, no matter how long a seed in my life takes to harvest, help to know YOU are right there with me in the season of waiting, growing, & watching. Help me to weed out the bad, ugly, & negative that isn't of You. God give me more than enough patience & perseverance when I feel like I can't wait any longer or go on & help reap only things that will glorify YOU so that when the harvest is done the end result will be a beautiful flower (whatever it is)...

...It's just another way that God amazes me with His timing & how He knows what my heart needs when it needs it. My heart needed to hear this tonight. To know that He is with me in these different seasons of life & that all these things in my life (seeds) that I've been given to sow I learned tonight I need to let go of & with faith believe that God will fertilize, water, & help grow that little seed no matter how big or how small, or how little or long it takes, that in His *perfect timing* it will become a beautiful flower in a future season of life.

"...But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life."
-- galatians six:eight (the message)

random rambles...

mid july. staying up late. frustrating. love. weddings. heat. sprinklers. panted nails. dancing. bare feet. rain. closer. joy. bath. dreams. sisters. tan skin. detroit. driving. no AC. tears. the moon. thunder. imagination. friends. guitar. dresses. popsicle. stressful. laughing. worship. sleepy. journal. humidity. annoyed. little ladies. flowers. brothers. unexpected. movies. the beach. flooded living room. broken phone. talk to God. dairy queen. late night chats. 6am. strange neighbors. creativity. excitement.

s i s t e r s...

With fighting over clothes, bickering over meaningless things, & arguing about nothing aside, and coffee dates to catch up, sushi dates to talk about life, talking in movie quotes to each other, dreaming & scheming together, make up for all the negative & even if I'm stuck in the middle of them & a few inches shorter than them, at the end of the day I'd have to say I win for having the best sisters a girl could ask for. I think every girl should have a sister, or two.

I'm excited to see how God is moving in each of their lives right now, with new & exciting adventures in their near future. Love BP & CL + being a "Fillmore Girl".

Read Brittany & Courtney's dreams & schemes..

{photo credit: fillmore mom}

s u m m e r...

along with listening to summer-y music such as any song that has the word(s) summer, summertime, sun, June, July, August... {typing the word 'summer' into your iTunes search bar is your best bet} today being the first official day of summer I gathered some of my summer-y faves...

1.) watermelon
2.) sundresses
3.) summer rain
4.) the beach
5.) 4th of july
6.) bonfires
7.) iced coffee
8.) picnics
9.) red popsicle's
10.) lightning bugs

there is a new man in my life...

I very vividly remember the first time I stumbled upon Matt Wertz on MySpace in 2003 & heard his song Everything's Right & knew it was love, then my ears heard Like the Last Time, Red Meets Blue, Counting to 100...
{There is just something about a good looking, mysterious, man who writes sappy love songs, plays the guitar, & lives in Nashville..}
Since then... he has been my number one man on iTunes & for years had me wishing, hoping, & planning to move to Nashville, so I could just run into him at a coffee shop, & marry him. Although that hasn't happened YET, it's OK because I think there is a new man in my life. They have a lot in common though, both singer/songwriters who live in Nashville & have a tendency to write sappy love songs.
His name is Andrew Belle. I've talked about him before, & heard his song Static Waves in the fall & have listened to it 100+ times since then.. along with his other songs (Tower, Oh My Stars, The Ladder, In My Veins...), he has quickly moved Mr. Wertz out of the way on my top played music on iTunes. Sorry Matt.

smile... it's the w e e k n d

It's just one of those really good days. The sun is shining, I got to sleep in this morning, I'm hanging out with the girls tonight, it's the weekend, I'm watching two of my favorite little boys tomorrow for the afternoon, Lighthouse starts again this Sunday, God's still teaching me about His timing, how to stop & listen for Him, let my words be few & how He sends us little signs throughout our day that reminds us He's with us.. it makes me smile.

All of that PLUS I've been on new music overload for the past few weeks & just got around to listening to the new Ten Out Of Tenn compilation called "We Are All In This Together". It came out a few weeks ago to help raise money for the flood relief in Nashville.

It's pretty great... it makes my heart love the city of Nashville & all the music that comes out of it so much more.
{some of the lyrics from the songs on here...drive me crazy, so I thought I'd share them with you...}

"...moving inch by inch, we're getting close to the edge, there's no other place to go so lets jump, lets fall together now, and we'll never have to touch the ground.."
--let's jump, joy williams

"nothing goes as planned, everything will break, people say goodbye in their own special way...you're in my veins and I cannot get you out, you're all I taste at night in my mouth, you run away because I am not where you found..."
--in my veins, andrew belle

"...I wonder what has happened to this dream, just say you'll stay and play a song for me..."
--one light wondering, trent dabbs

"...like poets and prophets who can't find the words, so they stare, and all that made sense has somehow turned to skew, I missed my chance with you..."
--missed my chance, griffin house

. . . . . . .

{God is in heaven & you are on earth, so let your words be few..}...ecclesiastes five:two

too good to be true...?

There are only a few more days left of the month of May in the year of twenty-ten? Where did May go? Seriously. On May 1st I was in California… that seems like it was yesterday!!

Anyway, this has been a lovely month of May. The kind of lovely where I feel like it was too good to be true. One day something bad was bound to happen, because I can definitely have some bad days...

It consisted of…
hanging with friends.
enjoying the weather.
watching little ones a lot.
traveling.
getting excited about being a part of a church that’s alive & doing things to increase the Kingdom.
talking to God a lot, pleading for wisdom & direction on this journey called life.
watching my brothers play baseball.
having dinner with my family.
listening to a lot of good new & old music.
staying up too late.
sleeping in past noon.
cozying with babies.
driving a lot.
writing in the last page of one of my most favorite journals to date, which actually kind of made me sad, because I liked that journal a lot & have some good stuff in there…
waking up every morning with this crazy feeling of happiness, excitement, & joy…

Like the old Newsboys song says:
“You give me joy that’s unspeakable, and I like it…”

{took the words right out of my mouth}

So I like it. I like this joy my Creator fills me with & I it makes me smile. But maybe it has all been too good to be true and there really is something God is preparing my heart for that is the BAD?

The other night I was reminded of the truth in the fact that where there is good, bad often follows. So immediately I started getting these thoughts in my head of all the possibilities of what could be around the corner that would be this bad...

Can you still have this unspeakable joy even if God throws an unpleasant situation into your life? I hope I can. I hope & pray that in my life whatever God brings my way good or bad, that I can still contain this unexplainable joy & smile at the day He’s given me, even if it brings pain or heartache...



…we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.{romans eight:twenty-eight}

f a v e ' s...

there are a lot of things in life that make me smile, but these are ten random favorites of mine..


1.) chocolate covered strawberries.
2.) being barefoot.
3.) café's.
4.) sleeping in.
5.) taking a bubble bath.
6.) day dreaming.
7.) swinging.
8.) diet coke.
9.) babies.
10.) eye contact.

Have {life} to the full...

the thief
I HAVE COME
comes
THAT THEY
only to
MAY HAVE
steal and
LIFE, AND
kill and
HAVE IT TO
destroy.
THE FULL.
{john ten:ten}

The good, the bad, & the ugly...

The good...
Coming into the month of April, I was prepared for one of the craziest months of my life, just with school, work, & a million other things I had to get done before the month was over, when I could go to California & be done with school!

So once April hit, it felt like it was going too good to be true. School was going good, I was getting everything done, Good Friday & Easter were awesome times of worship, I was spending a lot of time with friends, I was seeing God in new ways, enjoying live music & the city of Detroit, the weather was just ridiculous... all around the first two weeks of April were lovely & I had no complaints!

The bad...
Yesterday (Monday) I definitely woke up on the WRONG side of the bed, because every little thing was making me annoyed & in a bad mood. Starting with my yoga class, which is usually the highlight of my Mondays, I usually leave yoga feeling very relaxed & awake & ready for the day, I left annoyed & not relaxed.

Then I had to drive twenty minutes away just to meet with this group from a class for a group project (*I HATE group projects, I work 10x better alone, not having to rely on other people) And I was already annoyed with the people in my group which didn't help.

It was just a really bad & annoying Monday morning/afternoon. BUT it was a good afternoon when I got to be outside, downtown, enjoying the sunshine & fresh air, then I spent some time with my family for dinner.

The ugly...
*disclaimer, don't keep reading if you don't like hearing about gross things, I'm just sharing the ugly part of my bad day*

I woke up this morning, feeling OK, started getting ready for the day, was ready to get this presentation with my group out of the way. But once I got out of the shower I started to feel sick & gross, but I just ignored it, until I threw up not once, twice, but probably five times within a thirty minute period.

"Sweet, I have a presentation to do in an hour & I just threw up & feel like I'm going to pass out, its going to be a good day."

So once I was done with that whole mess, I felt alright, still debating with myself whether or not I was going to go to class. I didn't go. Every time I stood up to go finish getting ready, I'd feel like I was going to be sick again. I missed my presentation, but to be completely honest, I didn't feel that bad about it because I was in a bad mood already & I wasn't about to go stand in front of my class & present while feeling sick.

{FYI this throwing up & feeling sick, was from this little thing called "not taking care of your diabetes, even though you've had it for twelve years & you should know better."}

SO... pretty much even though the past two days have been obnoxious & annoying & making me wish I could go on a month long vacation to a secluded island, where I could just sit on a beach all day & do nothing but listen to music, read, & relax. *Only in my dreams.*

AND...I just had to vent, rant, & complain for a little while, but I know that...whenever I face trials of many kinds, because I know that the testing of my faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. {james one:two-four}

{I feel ya Alexander...}

Isaiah 30...

I tend to work best in the middle of the night. As much as I love my sleep, I find it hard to sit and write a paper or do homework during the day, sitting at a desk or at a coffee shop. I can get small-busy-work-research type things done, but when it comes to sitting down and actually writing a paper, however long it is, it only happens in the early AM. Maybe because it's REALLY quite, I'm alone, & not distracted...?! Yes.

Well now, here I sit at 2AM wide-eyed without a school-realted paper to write, and I was just reading through Isaiah 30 and thought about how I feel like God {still} has me in this "waiting season" of life. I don't think I've {really} learned what it means to "wait on Him" or truly sit back and be patient, even though I feel like I've been learning more & more about it since January..

Like He's preparing me for {something}. Big, small, exciting, scary, adventurous, etc. I'm slowly but surely getting closer & closer to the edge of this cliff getting ready to jump into whatever it is God is preparing me for..

So this is what Isaiah hit me with tonight.

{vs. 9-10} ...children unwilling to listen to the LORD's instruction. They say to the seers, "See no more visions!" and to the prophets,"Give us no more visions of what is right!"

After I read these couple verses, it hit me that this is exactly how I tend to be, these two verses have my name by them. I want to ask the prophets what the vision of what is right is! I want to know what is coming! I don't want to listen to what the LORD wants for me! I want to do my own thing. {Note to self, you're kind of a brat.}

{vs. 18} "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion." For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who WAIT FOR HIM!

THEN I read this verse...there is a Man who wants to be gracious & compassionate to me & all He wants is for me to PATIENTLY WAIT for Him!

It gets better.. I kept reading....

{vs. 21} Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

So despite my want-to-be-in-control-esque attitude, God just wants me to WAIT for Him to whisper which way to go next, instead of me worrying and being anxious about {whatever} the next chapter in the story of Lindsay holds.

{there is zero significance between this picture & Isaiah 30...

I just need/want to get a bike.}

Thank you C.S. Lewis...

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can't understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right & stopping the leaks in the roof & so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing & so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably & does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of -- throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.
You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come & live in it Himself."
--C.S. Lewis

{This is just what I needed these past few weeks. As much as I want control & say over what remodeling, rebuilding, & change God has planned for the "house" I live in, He has been showing me over & over again these past few weeks, that it's not up to me.

He is the one doing all the remodeling, rebuilding, & change in my life. Even though I don't know what remodeling, rebuilding, & change He is up to in my "house" right now, I'm slowly, but surely working on letting go of the expectations & control I think I have over these renovations in the "house" called l i f e... it's scary & nerve-racking, but freeing, peaceful, & comforting all at the same time to know our Creator is transforming us day by day from the inside out for His glory...}

second corinthians {four : sixteen-eighteen}

Sweet springtime..

I'm currently sitting by the window at Caribou in downtown Royal Oak...I wish I could get paid to people watch, because I could do it all day, St. Patrick's Day makes for some interesting sights.

Anyway, the sun is shinning, I'm wearing flats & a t-shirt (no coat, jacket, or sweater.), & I'm drinking an iced tea latte. Glorious.

Today I completed my "Spring" Playlist... the main criteria for any of these songs was that they were fun-roll-the-windows-down-listen-to-over-and-over-again-get-ready-for-summer type songs...here is what I've been listening to:

1. You're My Favorite, Joy Williams
2. 1901, Phoenix
3. Giving Up the Gun, Vampire Weekend
4. Sushi, Kyle Andrews
5. Sweet Disposition, The Temper Trap
6. Audience, Cold War Kids
7. New Heights, A Fine Frenzy
8. In the Sun, She & Him
9. Walking On a Dream, Empire of the Sun
10. You Get What You Give, New Radicals

{My sister took this picture at a wedding show this weekend, creative & springy}

"If eyes were made for seeing..."

When I was in high school I dreaded English class because it meant having to read a book I wasn't interested in or dissecting sentences, I've become more fond of writing & English classes since then. But my all time favorite English class in high school was with Dr. Matt Watson, he made me interested in English because he knew what he was talking about unlike several English teachers I had in high school.

In his class I read the only book I enjoyed in HS, The Great Gatsby, because he analysied it in a way to keep my attention & made me think about the symbolisim and what Fitzgerald meant by adding certain things to the book.

In Watson's class we also had a huge section on Ralph Waldo Emerson & Walt Whitman and they're the only ones that really still stick out to me because they intrigued me & we watched The Dead Poet's Society & I think Dr. Watson did a pretty good job emulating Robin Williams character with his teaching styles.

But I was at the DIA for the first time in my life yesterday (I'm embarrassed though because I do love art & have lived in Detoirt for 20 years...but there's a first for everything) and I saw this quote above some artwork & fell in love with it & reminded me of how everyone should experience an English class with a Dr. Watson or a John Keating...