The good, the bad, & the ugly...

The good...
Coming into the month of April, I was prepared for one of the craziest months of my life, just with school, work, & a million other things I had to get done before the month was over, when I could go to California & be done with school!

So once April hit, it felt like it was going too good to be true. School was going good, I was getting everything done, Good Friday & Easter were awesome times of worship, I was spending a lot of time with friends, I was seeing God in new ways, enjoying live music & the city of Detroit, the weather was just ridiculous... all around the first two weeks of April were lovely & I had no complaints!

The bad...
Yesterday (Monday) I definitely woke up on the WRONG side of the bed, because every little thing was making me annoyed & in a bad mood. Starting with my yoga class, which is usually the highlight of my Mondays, I usually leave yoga feeling very relaxed & awake & ready for the day, I left annoyed & not relaxed.

Then I had to drive twenty minutes away just to meet with this group from a class for a group project (*I HATE group projects, I work 10x better alone, not having to rely on other people) And I was already annoyed with the people in my group which didn't help.

It was just a really bad & annoying Monday morning/afternoon. BUT it was a good afternoon when I got to be outside, downtown, enjoying the sunshine & fresh air, then I spent some time with my family for dinner.

The ugly...
*disclaimer, don't keep reading if you don't like hearing about gross things, I'm just sharing the ugly part of my bad day*

I woke up this morning, feeling OK, started getting ready for the day, was ready to get this presentation with my group out of the way. But once I got out of the shower I started to feel sick & gross, but I just ignored it, until I threw up not once, twice, but probably five times within a thirty minute period.

"Sweet, I have a presentation to do in an hour & I just threw up & feel like I'm going to pass out, its going to be a good day."

So once I was done with that whole mess, I felt alright, still debating with myself whether or not I was going to go to class. I didn't go. Every time I stood up to go finish getting ready, I'd feel like I was going to be sick again. I missed my presentation, but to be completely honest, I didn't feel that bad about it because I was in a bad mood already & I wasn't about to go stand in front of my class & present while feeling sick.

{FYI this throwing up & feeling sick, was from this little thing called "not taking care of your diabetes, even though you've had it for twelve years & you should know better."}

SO... pretty much even though the past two days have been obnoxious & annoying & making me wish I could go on a month long vacation to a secluded island, where I could just sit on a beach all day & do nothing but listen to music, read, & relax. *Only in my dreams.*

AND...I just had to vent, rant, & complain for a little while, but I know that...whenever I face trials of many kinds, because I know that the testing of my faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. {james one:two-four}

{I feel ya Alexander...}

Isaiah 30...

I tend to work best in the middle of the night. As much as I love my sleep, I find it hard to sit and write a paper or do homework during the day, sitting at a desk or at a coffee shop. I can get small-busy-work-research type things done, but when it comes to sitting down and actually writing a paper, however long it is, it only happens in the early AM. Maybe because it's REALLY quite, I'm alone, & not distracted...?! Yes.

Well now, here I sit at 2AM wide-eyed without a school-realted paper to write, and I was just reading through Isaiah 30 and thought about how I feel like God {still} has me in this "waiting season" of life. I don't think I've {really} learned what it means to "wait on Him" or truly sit back and be patient, even though I feel like I've been learning more & more about it since January..

Like He's preparing me for {something}. Big, small, exciting, scary, adventurous, etc. I'm slowly but surely getting closer & closer to the edge of this cliff getting ready to jump into whatever it is God is preparing me for..

So this is what Isaiah hit me with tonight.

{vs. 9-10} ...children unwilling to listen to the LORD's instruction. They say to the seers, "See no more visions!" and to the prophets,"Give us no more visions of what is right!"

After I read these couple verses, it hit me that this is exactly how I tend to be, these two verses have my name by them. I want to ask the prophets what the vision of what is right is! I want to know what is coming! I don't want to listen to what the LORD wants for me! I want to do my own thing. {Note to self, you're kind of a brat.}

{vs. 18} "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion." For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who WAIT FOR HIM!

THEN I read this verse...there is a Man who wants to be gracious & compassionate to me & all He wants is for me to PATIENTLY WAIT for Him!

It gets better.. I kept reading....

{vs. 21} Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

So despite my want-to-be-in-control-esque attitude, God just wants me to WAIT for Him to whisper which way to go next, instead of me worrying and being anxious about {whatever} the next chapter in the story of Lindsay holds.

{there is zero significance between this picture & Isaiah 30...

I just need/want to get a bike.}

Thank you C.S. Lewis...

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can't understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right & stopping the leaks in the roof & so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing & so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably & does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of -- throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.
You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come & live in it Himself."
--C.S. Lewis

{This is just what I needed these past few weeks. As much as I want control & say over what remodeling, rebuilding, & change God has planned for the "house" I live in, He has been showing me over & over again these past few weeks, that it's not up to me.

He is the one doing all the remodeling, rebuilding, & change in my life. Even though I don't know what remodeling, rebuilding, & change He is up to in my "house" right now, I'm slowly, but surely working on letting go of the expectations & control I think I have over these renovations in the "house" called l i f e... it's scary & nerve-racking, but freeing, peaceful, & comforting all at the same time to know our Creator is transforming us day by day from the inside out for His glory...}

second corinthians {four : sixteen-eighteen}

Sweet springtime..

I'm currently sitting by the window at Caribou in downtown Royal Oak...I wish I could get paid to people watch, because I could do it all day, St. Patrick's Day makes for some interesting sights.

Anyway, the sun is shinning, I'm wearing flats & a t-shirt (no coat, jacket, or sweater.), & I'm drinking an iced tea latte. Glorious.

Today I completed my "Spring" Playlist... the main criteria for any of these songs was that they were fun-roll-the-windows-down-listen-to-over-and-over-again-get-ready-for-summer type songs...here is what I've been listening to:

1. You're My Favorite, Joy Williams
2. 1901, Phoenix
3. Giving Up the Gun, Vampire Weekend
4. Sushi, Kyle Andrews
5. Sweet Disposition, The Temper Trap
6. Audience, Cold War Kids
7. New Heights, A Fine Frenzy
8. In the Sun, She & Him
9. Walking On a Dream, Empire of the Sun
10. You Get What You Give, New Radicals

{My sister took this picture at a wedding show this weekend, creative & springy}

"If eyes were made for seeing..."

When I was in high school I dreaded English class because it meant having to read a book I wasn't interested in or dissecting sentences, I've become more fond of writing & English classes since then. But my all time favorite English class in high school was with Dr. Matt Watson, he made me interested in English because he knew what he was talking about unlike several English teachers I had in high school.

In his class I read the only book I enjoyed in HS, The Great Gatsby, because he analysied it in a way to keep my attention & made me think about the symbolisim and what Fitzgerald meant by adding certain things to the book.

In Watson's class we also had a huge section on Ralph Waldo Emerson & Walt Whitman and they're the only ones that really still stick out to me because they intrigued me & we watched The Dead Poet's Society & I think Dr. Watson did a pretty good job emulating Robin Williams character with his teaching styles.

But I was at the DIA for the first time in my life yesterday (I'm embarrassed though because I do love art & have lived in Detoirt for 20 years...but there's a first for everything) and I saw this quote above some artwork & fell in love with it & reminded me of how everyone should experience an English class with a Dr. Watson or a John Keating...

move, worship, psalm..

This past weekend myself along with close to 450 other students & leaders went to WSM's fourth "Winter Experience". God definitely MOVE(d) in mysterious ways the whole weekend. [through our speaker, through the worship, through brothers & sisters in Christ coming together to pray... etc.] It was evident from the first night of being there that God was there & that He was ready to do great things throughout the collective of students & leaders from all the Woodside campuses and both high school & middle school.

On Saturday night we had an extended worship time that I stayed at with some of my girls & I can honestly say that I have never experienced God in such a way. I wasn't really standing around that many people, and really just kept my eyes closed for a good majority of time just to keep focused on worshiping my Creator through music, and I could just feel His presence all around me & knew that He was there with me.

(photo credit:: courtney fillmore)

. . .

I feel like the Lord has been trying to show me patience lately. For him to show me what it looks like to wait for him. For him to reveal his plan for me day by day. For me to stop planning, what I think is best for me and just let him take over.

I know he already has every chapter in the "Book of Lindsay" already written, so why can't I just sit back & enjoy being a character in His story..? Lack of patience & wanting to be the one in control? Yes.

...be still before the LORD & wait patiently for Him. {pslam thirty-seve : three through seven}

music to my ears..

January / February-esque music that I've been listening to lately, that's too good to keep to myself...

1. Set the Fire to the Third Bar, Snow Patrol
2. Blue Skies, Noah & the Whale
3. Knight of Shinning Armor, Silent Violet
4. No One's Gonna Love You, Band of Horses
5. We Own the Sky, M83
6. Moth's Wings, Passion Pit
7. Half Asleep, School of Seven Bells
8. Much Farther to Go, Rosie Thomas
9. Just Say Yes, Snow Patrol
10. Rosyln, Bon Iver & St. Vincent

love, love, L o v e...

I'm not really that girl who goes ga ga over Valentines Day, I think it is something with potential of being classy & sweet that has morphed into something a little tacky & obnoxious. I worked at a Hallmark when I was in high school for a year & husbands/boyfriends definitely all wait until the last minute to get Val‘s Day cards! AND I’m NOT that girl who is going to sit at home on Valentine’s Day wallowing in self pity, because I don’t have a boyfriend or anyone to spend Valentine’s Day with, trust me!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, so what is this Valentines Day? According to the very reliable Wikipedia, St. Val’s Day is a celebration of love & affection between intimate companions...Traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines”).


That’s cute right? A day to celebrate love, with someone you love? So what if you don’t have a significant other? Who said you can’t still celebrate?

SIDE NOTE: {I’m secretly (secretly because I don’t think I come across as, but deep down inside I am) a hopeless romantic, I’m not obsessed with love but I really can’t wait until Prince Charming is in my life & he goes out of his way to buy me some beautiful flowers & wants to dress up & take me out to a nice dinner, just because he cherishes time with me on Valentines Day! (No candy, because I’m diabetic, just kidding I do love chocolate...)}

While I was thinking about the whole Valentine’s Day deal, putting heart shaped suckers, obnoxious Valentine’s stuffed animals, overpriced Hallmark cards, sappy love songs, & dreaming of Prince Charming aside, this year I want to celebrate Valentine’s Day with a perfect Man! Who has been after my heart since before I was born. Who desires to be my Lover. Who is jealous for me. And wants me to spend time with Him, falling more & more in love with Him.

I wish I could drill this TRUTH into the heads & hearts of EVERY single girl in the world who thinks she needs to find her confidence or significance in having a boy/guy/man by her side who “loves” her. Being able to rest on the fact that God is the perfect Lover for YOU should be comfort enough to know that as your Lover, He has what’s best for you in mind, and wants you to have the desires of your heart. And that if He wants you to be with Prince Charming someday, that He will bring him into your life EXACTLY when the time is right.

God is perfect & his timing is perfect. So we wait in patience, for His timing, not being anxious, not wallowing in self-pity, or wasting our life on “what could be”. Instead we look to the sky with our eyes wide for opportunities to grow closer to Him & chances to serve Him while we wait for Him to reveal, page by page the Love Story that He’s writing for us...

HOW GREAT IS THE LOVE THAT THE FATHER HAS LAVISHED ON US.
(first john three:one)

new a d v e n t u r e...

In the next couple weeks (not 100% on the date.), my twin & I are embarking on a new adventure!

We're packing up the last twenty years of our lives & moving out of our parents casa!

It is weird/crazy how everything has fallen into place, but I know that is just God showing me yet again, that that is how He works. Even if I don't know what He is up to right away, in His time He'll reveal what He wants, when He wants for my life!

After a totally random Facebook message in about three weeks times it was confirmed that the twin & I would have a place of our own come February!

Our space that we are now the proud renters of, is not glamorous or fancy by any means, but its only a few blocks from downtown, and it is all we were looking for, and it is two of my favorite words: cozy & CHEAP!

As excited as I am about starting a new adventure, I was kind of thinking about it the other night and just everything attached to it and got a little overwhelmed, but had to remember that everything really does work out SOMEHOW! Maybe not always in the way we wanted it to, but God definitely lets things come together from either the big things or the small things!

I heard this week that a lot of the time people around us (loved ones some of the time) or the Evil one try and whisper in our ears things like "Slow down!" "Don't do it!" "You're not ready!" and that is definitely kind of how I felt at the beginning of all of this. "I'm not ready to move out of my parents house." "I am comfortable where I am at." "I don't think I can handle the responsibility."

But then God whispers in our ears, "You're ready!" "This is the time!" "Don't stop now, I have more for you discover along the way!" And that, is how I feel now. I know that God wouldn't have made things work out so well up until now, I (we) would be a fool to let this slip away from me (us).

[GOD, I just hope + pray that I will continue to trust in YOU and the plan YOU have marked out for me. Even if whatever door comes opens next isn't THIS clear at first, that I'll still be faithful to listen for what You have for me next.]

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..."
-Romans 8:28

hey new decade..

It's twenty-ten.
It's a new decade.
It's a fresh start.
It's a genesis.

Ten years ago people were worried about Y2K.
Ten years ago I was ten years old without any real cares in the world.
Ten years ago the world was a different place than it is today.
Ten years ago we said hello to a new millennium.

In the past ten years I've lost and gained good friends.
In the past ten years I've watched America change.
In the past ten years I've grown physically + spiritually.
In the past ten years I've seen God do awesome things, big and small.

In the next ten years I could be married to prince charming.
In the next ten years I could be a mother to a small child.
In the next ten years I will be in my thirties.
In the next ten years anything could happen.

Here's to the next ten years.
Here's to watching God move in more mysterious ways.
Here's to new places and new faces.
Here's to ten more years of living an extraordinary life.

. . . . .

[this has nothing to do with the new year, but I'm currently obsessed with the song Hey, Soul Sister by Train + listening to my moms (my mom is pretty sweet) new Norah Jones album The Fall that she got for Christmas.. my ears are happy.]

. . . . .

au revoir twenty-oh-nine

[there is no one higher
no one greater
no one like our God.

there is none more able
Christ our Savior
great and glorious.]

...I first heard these words over the summer at a youth conference & was very disapointed when I got home that I couldn't get my hands on it for my iTunes. I still haven't gotten my hands on it, but we sang it tonight at Lighthouse.. it was definitely one of the highlights of my night.

"We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.

In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you."

...psalm 33:20-22

[my restless heart definitely needed the peace from that passage tonight. thanks God.]

rain at night & God's goodness...

rain at n i g h t...
I do love the sound of rain hitting the window at night, but in December!? I know I'll regret this once the snow is still on the ground come April, but I am actually anticipating the snow right now, I can't really get into the Christmas mood without it I guess...

Gods g o o d n e s s...
I don't understand & can't comprehend why He wants the best for me & delights in me, when I put Him on the back burner so often & don't fully rely on Him!? Everything this week that I thought was horrible and made me stressed out and made me want to drop out of school all came together and worked out and got all complete. And I was totally encouraged by a random girl in one of my classes today! Thanks for being so good to me even when I REALLY don't deserve it God..

{Praise the LORD,
for the LORD is good;
sing praise to his name, for that is pleasant}
psalm 135:3

. . . . . .

*PS I was in Nashville last week... it made me want to move there even more than I wanted to before!

go watch Elizabethtown..

Some
m u s i c
n e e d s
a i r,
roll
down
your
window..


[this is one of my favorite movies --that is one of my favorite quotes from the movie + it has an even more amazing soundtrack...]

I also want to go here...

Metropolitain from Greg Mirzoyan on Vimeo.

"What a beautiful place and beautiful video. People never cease to amaze me with their creative talents."

*Amongst a million and one other places I'd love to Paris. This video makes me want to go travel, sit in a cafe in Paris, & explore..

This is from Brooke Premo's blog "Playing Grown Up"!

Paris, I'll come visit you someday..

how HE loves ME...

...WE ARE HIS PORTION & HE IS OUR PRIZE, DRAWN TO REDEMPTION BY THE GRACE IN HIS EYES. IF GRACE IS AN OCEAN, WE'RE ALL SINKING. SO HEAVEN MEETS EARTH LIKE AN UNFORESEEN KISS & MY HEART TURNS VIOLENTLY INSIDE OF MY CHEST. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO MAINTAIN ALL THESE REGRETS WHEN I THINK OF THE WAY HE LOVES US.

I'm dreaming of a...

The date is November 6th. There are only a few short weeks until Thanksgiving. Typically I consider JUST after Thanksgiving to officially be Christmastime. BUT as of right now, I want it to be Christmastime RIGHT NOW!

Its still pretty nice outside. Considering Michigan at this time could have already had a decent amount of snow, its going to be 60 on Sunday? (I'm still a little bitter towards the snow, but its nice to have on Christmas, I could not celebrate Christmas in FL!)

100.3 just started playing Christmas music! They play it pretty much right through the next two months! And I just had my first Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks...


Tonight my sisters, mom, & I are going to see a local high school play of Little Women. When we were younger the sisters, mom, & I would watch Little Women via VHS, drink hot chocolate, and make ornaments or other cute little Christmas-y things. One of my favorite memories for sure!

What is on my mind at 12:09am...

1. I just went to see Where the Wild Things Are. I was pretty excited when I heard in the spring about it becoming a movie and was even more excited when it finally came out in October, but I was just now getting around to seeing it...

• its NOT a kids movie
• its sad
• its scary at some points
• it has good music in it

2. The other day I drove past the house I grew up in & lived in for 18 years of my life. Its weird to see someone else living in "my" house. The four bedroom, ranch style, house with large windows in the front, brick front walk, huge backyard, covered with four-five story high trees that shade the sun during the day...

• its weird seeing someone else's cars in the driveway
• the yard doesn't look as well kept as my dad used to keep it
• there's 20+ years of Fillmore memories in that house
• even though its on a main street, it still felt cozy & homey

3. I saw The i-Heart-Revolution film/documentary.

• it needs to be viewed again, to take down notes
  
• its definitely mind blowing all the good + bad things that go & do go on in the world around us
• its comforting to know that there's only ONE love & hope for all man kind
• it makes me sad to hear people talk poorly about the whole idea/concept, their blindness, & being OK with the comfortable lives they lead..

4. Over the weekend roughly 190+ leaders, students, & myself encountered God at the Thirsty retreat. At least two students that I've heard of accepted Christ as their Savior! (So exciting!) We learned what it meant to be thirsty for freedom, authenticity, purpose, & identity.

• its ok to be open with people, not hide behind all of your accomplishments or good things in your life, but let people see & know your hurts & struggles
• we don't have it all together, so let's not pretend to.
• when we are stripped down & raw & exposed, then we realize that only His grace is sufficient for us.
• He is right in the middle of every single aspect of my life with me.
• He "likes" us, He wants to spend time with us.
• He desires us.
• He quiets us with his love. The "leaves me speechless" kind of love.
• He (Yahweh), rejoices over ME with singing.

Psalm 130...

As much as I cannot wait until Christmastime, Autumn is still one of my favorites. I think that this passage from Psalms would sum up my Autumn thus far. I feel like I have been "waiting" for something. Starting in late August up until just recently I felt like God was up to "something", in my life, He for sure had something up His sleeve for me for this fall. I had no clue what, who, when, or where this "something" would occur. And being the selfish human being that I am, all along I had felt like it would be some fortunate event that would happen in my life during this season, but with the season quickly coming and going, I've found myself still waiting...

I had felt an excitement & giddy-ness about "it", which is weird for me, because I tend to hate surprises & always like to know details of what is going on, & it is (and probably always will be) hard for me to surrender all the details of my life to God, and give up control & any idea in my mind that I have, that I am entitled to knowing what the God of the universe wants for me & has in store for me. (Lindsay, why don't you just trust in Me 100% and know, full well that I have planned what is best for you? --God).

So recently that "it" has been hitting me like a train. Totally unexpectedly and not about me at all, but about God using me (for reasons I can't understand! in someone else life. And looking back over the last three months or so, seeing EVERY detail (big and small) that God has been working out is crazy! From people coming or going in my life, certain connections, different verses I've come across, and even some song lyrics.. its crazy.

Emotionally, I really don't think I was ready for "it", but spiritually, I had never been so sure of anything in my life, and knew full well, that these events were the "it" that God had laid on my heart at the beginning of this season of my life. And I know I sound like a crazy person right now, but I'm just trying to convey how God really does move in a mysterious way & even when we don't think we know what we are doing, or why He is using us for something, He is faithful & pulls us through.

I've kept a pretty faithful journal since middle school, and I don't think in all of those years I've ever written so many prayers to God and pleas for help & guidence as I have in the last few weeks. I feel like thats my way of talking to God, writing out prayers to Him, and now I just pretty much summed it all up into a [short] blog entry... whew.

P.S. I really don't know if any of this makes sense? But I keep a blog, for myself, although I keep a hand written journal, sometimes typing things out, helps me more. I really don't know if anyone reads this, but I don't really mind, like I said, I do it for my own therapy sometimes (talking to myself...) Well I hope & pray, somehow, someway, anyone who comes across this, can relate any of these words to something in their own life & be encouraged by it.

..lef

¹ Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;

² O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

³ If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?

⁴ But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

⁵ I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

⁶ My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,

⁷ O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

⁸ He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

its 3:26am..

i am..

exhausted, wanting to really rest.
drained, wanting school to be over.
nervous, about what's coming.
unsure, of the outcome.
unworthy, of the task.
and
overwhelmed, by how empty i feel.

but..

awestruck, by Gods timing & interruptions.
excited, for the end product..
hopeful, because He's in control.
ready, for this "something"
willing, to fight
and
trusting, He's going to hold my hand the whole way.

[I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.]
-psalm 34:4-5

Valley's speak wonders of Your name...

I am not typically up this late.. but homework keeps me awake to wee hours of the morning. Recently I haven't minded it as much, until my eye lids finally can't take it anymore & fail to stay open, then I hear my phone beckoning me to wake up only a couple hours later and do all the craziness all over again the next day...

BUT while attempting to finish a ridiculous outline (*I HATE outlines.), quietly I'm playing this crazy huge "Worship" playlist on my iTunes. The wind outside is blowing like I haven't heard in a really long time. My heart beats a little faster each time I hear it get louder & louder, then its calm for a few minutes.

Back to this playlist.. there are a select few worship songs that are the goose bumps,
"holy cow, God thanks for sending this song my way RIGHT now", kind of worship song. Whether the lyrics, the melody & harmony of the song, or just how a certain lyrics fit right into where I'm at, at a certain time...

I think that what makes this song ten times better for right now at 2am, is that in the middle of the night I feel my God speaking to me & feel raw & in need of Him, to talk to Him about how good or bad my past day was, talk to Him about what is on my heart, cry out to Him for guidance, peace, & REST. And just in the first few lines of the song that say:

LORD, YOU SEARCH ME, YOU KNOW ME, YOU HEAR ALL MY THOUGHTS, NO POINT IN HIDING.. (I can't really think of anywhere I could go right now at 2am to escape..)LORD YOU FOUND ME, SO COMPLETELY IN NEED OF YOU! I CAN'T RUN FROM YOU!

THIS song. Is one of those songs. I first heard it a few weeks ago when it first came out. And I appreciate small things relating to music and worship music even more, because its a direct connection/prayer to my Creator. So it makes me smile that 1. it is a female voice singing, 2. the words are "whoa", 3. I feel like the words can relate to me a little bit more & more everyday in this season of my life, on the edge of a new adventure, learning patience, & constantly being reminded that I really can't run from God! 4.I could listen to it over & over & over again, 5. I could go through & dissect every lyric to this song, but I think a lot of it speaks for itself....

Lord you search me.
And you know me.
You hear all of my thoughts
No point in hiding
Lord you found me
So completely in need of You
I cannot run from You

If I go to the heavens or down below,
You are right there waiting
If I rise on the wings of the dawn
You are there, I will find You waiting

You are in the highest place
You are in the falling rain
You are in the mountain peaks
And valleys speak wonders of Your name
You are in the perfect sky
You are in every breath I breathe
You are in every moment life seems to pass me by
You are my Prince of Peace

In the glory of Your glory
I become like You are, it’s overwhelming
In the presences of your presences,
I finally see all Your love for me

If I go to the heavens or down below,
You are right there waiting
If I rise on the wings of the dawn
You are there, I will find you waiting

You are in everything
You’re in every part, it all ends and starts with You my King
You’re everything, You are in everything

-Highest Place, Desperation Band-

to be completely honest...

So...dropping out of college, moving to Nashville, catching the eye of a fedora wearing, guitar playing, song writing, Indie artist, falling in love, getting married, & living happily ever after in the heart of East Nashville, never sounded so good...

[*God, be with my impatient heart. Although all these things sound like something I'd love to do or have, help me to not wish my life away & to do something while I'm here, where You want me...]

Grant me the favor..

[There are WAY too many songs by artists that I wish I could say I have written...this whole song would be one of them, but mostly this prayer at the end, just drives me crazy.]

"Oh Lord bless me, and keep me
Cause Your face, to shine on me
Lord be gracious, in the light of
Your countenance, give me peace
For I live only to see Your face
So shine one me

Let the light of Your face
Shine down, on my heart
And let me, feel it

Shine on me
Grant me the favor of Your face, Jesus.
Its all I need, its all I need
Its what I crave..."

[Light of Your Face, Jesus Culture...]

God, let ME of all people, see YOUR face!? God its what I crave! mmm, I love it. Its what I needed this week a lot + it just makes me excited, to just say that to my God & feels kind of like a reminder that, that's what I need. I need to crave the favor of my God, not just sometimes, but always...

I want to add to the beauty...

"We come with beautiful secrets
We come with purposes written on our hearts,
written on our souls
We come to every new morning
With possibilities only we can hold,
that only we can hold

Redemption comes in strange place, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are

And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

It comes in small inspirations
It brings redemption to life and work
To our lives and our work

It comes in loving community
It comes in helping a soul find it's worth

This is grace, an invitation to be beautiful
This is grace, an invitation..."

Add to the Beauty, Sara Groves...

Sad day...

+= trouble.

My (almost a year old) MacBook died earlier this month. It sucks. I'll get a new one soon...if only money grew on trees...

Sometimes, you just have to let go of the break...

I am not a huge fan of exercising, well I take that back, when I feel motivated to, I enjoy exercising, but it is not the first thing I think about each morning. Typically I run a couple miles, and consider that my "exercise".

So the other day I was not feeling the whole running thing, so I grabbed a bike from our garage (I don't know why, maybe having two younger brothers? but we have a large fleet of bicycles in our garage. Old, new, broken, being worked on...), snatched Courtney's iPod (i HAD an iPod, but it decided to jump out of my bag back in November, and I have yet to purchase a new one...), and went out on a bike ride. To be completely honest, I was not working very hard, just peddling enough to keep going, listening to music, enjoying the sunshine, not being THAT biker that enjoys riding NEXT to the sidewalk in the street thinking they're part of traffic. ANYWAY. So riding along, I started to notice how much I loved being able to sing out loud, along with the songs that were blaring in my ears. (When I am running, 1. I do NOT like nor do I want to talk to anyone, 2. I am usually gasping for air while running, 3. These cause me the inability to sing while running.)

*That doesn't even have anything to do with my story...well kind of!?


THE HILL.
Off in my own little world, thinking, talking to God, sining, trying to switch songs while riding, I went all over the area where our house is. I really wasn't going all that fast but I came up to this part of a sidewalk off of Maple where there is a pretty steep hill going down then back up. To be completely honest I was getting a tad hesitant about going down it.

Thinking if I should turn around or go another way, but I kept going. While approaching this hill I had my hand firmly on the back break... just in case! Finally I was going pretty fast and at that point I started letting my hand off of the break a little, getting faster, and faster. In the valley-esque part of this killer hill, my feet were hanging down, the wind blowing my hair in every which way, my heart was beating a little faster, then I started to peddle faster to get up the rest of the hill. It was lovely.

After riding down/up this hill I continued down to Inkster and then up and finally back down Maple, to the "hill" again to get home. The second time was even better, because I knew what was coming and I just went full speed down letting my feet hang down and I felt like I should be a little kid riding bikes during the summer without a care in the world.

THE FREEDOM.
SO that was the "hill". (This is where the music, iPod, singing loudly, part comes in...) While riding down this hill on my way back home, in my ears I could hear the song "Freedom Is Here" by Hillsong. I love that God can use something as simple as going down a hill on a bike with a certain song in my ears to remind me of the freedom I have (WE HAVE!) in Him. For the less than thirty second rush of wind in my face I got going down this hill two times I felt FREE.

My hands weren't on the breaks. My feet weren't peddling. I'd like to say my eyes were closed, because that would have been sweet, BUT I would have gone off the side of the sidewalk, through a fence, & into a river... BUT all that aside, along with all of this greatness making me feel like I was a little kid again, I was (at this point probably screaming) the words to this song,

"In my life as we lift You higher Let Your freedom arise In our lives as we lift You up Sing it out Your freedom is here..."

Continuing down Maple, I couldn't help but keep replaying that line over & over in my head (even after the song was over.) "FREEDOM, IS HERE."



"...creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God." [Romans 8:21]

the great unknown...

No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived,
what God has prepared
for those who love Him...
-1 Corinthians 2:9

tally hall...

I haven't heard of them for a while, but I just came across the band Tally Hall and they reminded me of a few things...

1. Their name is from this plaza in West Bloomfield, where my parents used to go to back in the day, (that still exist near where I grew up at 14 Mile & Orchard Lake) when it had an indoor section of the strip-mall. Now its home to a California Pizza Kitchen, Old Navy, & Bed Bath & Beyond...

2. One of their songs is from a place in the plaza which is also still there, called Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum. Its a sweet arcade-esque place with a legit photo booth & old games, where I went numerous times growing up for birthday parties or with my Uncle Brad & sisters.

3. I used to work with Joe Hawley's sister & we have the same birthday...

4. I personally do not care for much of their music, but its sweet that they're mostly from around here.

i love the King & the King loves me...

Child, I know full well each & every detail of the plans I have just for you. I have amazing plans to prosper you & not to harm you or lead you anywhere else besides what is best for you. I have plans to give you hope & a future. Taste & see that I am all that you need in this life. Along the way you will come across difficult times or situations, but don't let that bring you down, I overcame the world so you could keep going, keep reaching for your prize, just keep your eyes on Me. Be still & know that I am Your Father & want you, my child, to follow the path, I have marked out just for you. Child, I am Your King & I am coming back for you. I can't wait until I can share my Kingdom with you, until then, keep trusting, believing, & following Me.
Love forever & always, the King of Kings, Father, Creator, Yahweh.

[Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 34:8, John 16:33, Psalm 46:10, 1 John 3:1, Hebrews 12:1, John 14:1-3. the collection of passages that have been on my mind this past weekend, that helped me write this little reminder to myself...]

stuck in my head...

"Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me..."
-A Fine Frenzy

worship + outside + night...

there is something about secretly gathering, being outside, in the darkness & quietness of night, to worship God, that is a beautiful thing.

there is something about a single guitar & voices lifting up praises to the Creator, that is a beautiful thing.

there is something about sisters & brothers in Christ coming close to ask God for pece, joy, & comfort that only God can supply, for a hurting brother in Christ, that is a beautiful thing.

there is something about silently talking to God, by candle light, that is a beautiful thing.

there is something about God being felt near in the middle of the night, that is a beautiful thing.

there is something about being His and knowing that He is mine, that is a beautiful thing.

By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
Psalm 42:8

thirty things I want to do before I'm thirty...

*This is a random collection of things I would "like" to do before (or after I guess) I am thirty..... (some of these things are semi-unrealistic, but never say never.)

things to do, people to see, places to go....

1. Fly in a plane (in August, I can cross this off). 8/27/09, Detroit to Miami
   
2. Go to South Africa, India, & Thailand to share God with people there.
3. Drive to California.
4. Graduate from college.
5. Marry prince charming.
6. Live in New York City for a few months, just to say I've lived there.
7. Climb a Mountain.
8. Learn how to long board.
9. Drink coffee & read a book in Seattle.
10. Write a generous check anonymously for someone that could use it or leave a large sum of money somewhere for someone to find.
    
11. Run a marathon.
12. Spend a week on a secret tropical island.
    
13. Do the 3-Day walk for Breast Cancer for my Grandma Patricia Joyce.
14. Get a Pancreas transplant!
15. Write a book.
    
16. Own a small boutique in a quaint downtown area.
17. Go to Disney World & act like a little girl.
18. Kiss someone under the Eiffel Tower.
    
19. Live in a house with a deep, large, wrap around porch in the front & a Cracker Barrel rocking chair.
20. Dance at the Wild Horse Saloon in Nashville. (7/26/2011)
21. Sit on a rooftop & look at the stars.
22. Adopt a baby girl from China.
23. Speak at a womens conference.
    
24. Write a song & hear it on the radio.
25. Meet Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, or Britney Spears & tell her God loves her, and that she doesn't need to act the way she does to feel loved or accepted.
26. Have a daughter named Gloria Jean.
27. Climb across the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
28. Get dressed up & see a Ballet or Orchestra in the city. 12/5/09, Nutcracker, Detroit Opera House
    
29. Use the map Claire Colburn from the movie "Elizabethtown" made for Drew Baylor to travel from Elizabethtown, KY back to Oregon.
30. Go to Jerusalem & walk where Jesus walked.

among others...

here is just one reason i hope God sends me to the Nashville area after college to teach kindergarten, marry a musician, & live happily every after...

{even though my mom informed me tonight that my grandpa -who lives in Nashville- said finding work is becoming more of a chore these days as well... but definitely not as bad as it is here in Detroit.}

short & sweet..

my appointment went a ten times better than i thought it would.

[sigh of relief...]

i am done with school. tomorrow.

[load off of my shoulders...]

i really do wish i knew how to play the cello.

[maybe i should get guitar down first...]

the weather is finally making me excited, not sad & depressed.

[smile on my face...]

my God is unfailing & His love is unending. i am glad i am His.

[even though i don't deserve Him...]

hold it in, hold it in, hold it in...

i have that feeling in the back of my throat. nervousness. fear. a good cry could come any minute. as much as i would love to lock myself in my room & let out a good cry for a while, i'm holding it in (saving it for later i guess..?). i'm so nervous right now i don't think i've ever felt this nervous about anything before.

i have to go see my pediatric endocrinologist tomorrow, the same doctor i first saw when i was diagnosed with diabetes, the same doctor my mom switched me from because of how harsh he is, and because he has done a good job several times at making me break down in tears in his office a time or two over the years.

even though i should be happy because its the last time i'll ever have to go see him, i am dreading going to see him tomorrow because over the last year or so i have not proven to be "diabetic of the year" and i know it, i'm pretty sure he will let me know that tomorrow.

i think that i am nevous for several reasons. one, because i know i haven't done my best to take care of myself for the last year or so, two because i know i am a sensitive person and know that it doesn't take much for me to get my feelings hurt from something especially when i know everything my docotor will tell me tomorrow is true, three because i know how my health right now is and will affect/ing me in the future if i don't take care of it now...

obviously this is just me building up ideas of what could go down tomorrow at my appointment, instead of thinking the best of the situcation, but this is really nerve racking for me, and even though i know it will probably be the appointment i need to help me the most.

psalm fifty-six:three.

w o r s h i p GOD...

Wor·ship·ing: verb show reverence and adoration for (a deity); honor with religious rites...
Ad⋅o⋅ra⋅tion: noun the act of paying honor, as to a divine being; worship.

I realize that as a Christian I can worship my Creator through everything in my life. I think that I connect with my Creator a lot though, through musical worship. That is why Hillsong DVD's make me smile, Lighthouse makes me excited, & my worship playlist(s) on iTunes make my ears feel good...

So I am watching the This Is Our God DVD from Hillsong with my twin. I have watched it several times but, typically I play it while I am doing something else and not actually watch it, or just listen to it. I just watched it. Start to finish (even the twenty some minute long ending of "With Everything"). I watched the people in the DVD, worship God. I watched the people on stage, worship God. I watched the people in the DVD, cry out & raise their hands in surrender to God

As much as I love being a in the audience in corporate (musical) worship, I do love to watch people worship God (in a non-creepy way of course). This is what I love about it...

1. People raising their hands in surrender to our God.
2. People freely worshiping God.
3. People crying out to God.
4. People closing their eyes to keep from distraction or in prayer to our God.
5. People talking to God.
6. People on their knees before our King...

....

¹ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

² Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs

--Psalm 100:1 & 2

"We bow our hearts, we lift our hands
we turn our eyes to You again
And we surrender to the truth
that all we need is found in You
Receive our adoration Jesus Lamb of God
Receive our adoration, how wonderful You are..."

--Adoration, Brenton Brown.

*celebrate His death & rising...

Chris has died & Christ is risen,
Christ will come again..
.Celebrate his d e a t h and r i s i n g
Lift your eyes, proclaim his coming
Celebrate his d e a t h and r i s i n g
Lift you eyes, lift your eyes . .

--Charlie Hall, Mystery.

*psalm 37:3-7ish...

Trust in the LORD and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him...